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#59058 - 12/02/05 09:52 AM Elation
riviera Offline
Member

Registered: 06/01/05
Posts: 59
Loc: Spain
Little by little in the last 3 months things have started to change and move forward slowly but firmly. Especially in the last month since my boyfriend made a major breakthrough in regard to his recovery.

Before (for about 7 months) days were pretty pretty hard. He would come home feeling depressed, disconnected, sad, extremely sad, angry, lost, hopeless, lonely, guilty, worthless... He was complaining of many somatic symptoms, stomach aches, nauseas, headaches, asthma,etc. Sometimes he would not come home and wonder in a park afraid of making a move forward.

My boyfriends life was reduced to going to work in an automatic pilot to just collapse at weekends. And mine was reduced to be there for him no matter what, no matter how bad he was feeling, no matter how bad I was feeling... Everything was very difficult for both of us. Like it is for so many of yous , survivors, partners, family, friends.

In the last 10 months we have spent (more so he) hours and hours talking, sharing, crying sometimes until the sunrise. Sometimes all were tears. And poetry..and embraces... or just silence. We learnt together how to adapt ourselves so that he could deal with the nightmares, flashbacks, triggers, memories and depressions. We learnt together how to adapt ourselves so that I could deal with the sadness, the pain, the uncertainty, the anger of seeing my loved one devastated and yet trying so hard to come out, to regain himself, to heal.

Now reading my posts and my diary I have acknowledged how big the change has been in both. My partner and me. Lately he is positive, happy to be alive, proud of himself and confident about his potential. He has recovered his passion about playing music and writing poetry. He is enjoying little things, a cold breeze in a crispy morning, a gig full of sensations, my skin, his good memories... I am discovering a free man who is experiencing some things for the first time, and is full of dreams...

He has found himself.


All I want to say is thank you to all of you. You all in a way or another have helped me to understand and keep me strong to be there for him, to make this happen.

Thank you again for being who you are.

H


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#59059 - 12/02/05 02:40 PM Re: Elation
delta.tetra Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 108
Loc: Netherlands
Stories of hope and healing and love make me laugh with joy and weep with sadness both at the same time.

Thanks for your testimony and confirmation that ongoing recovery is possible, it really helps to hear from people further along the road!

all the best to you.


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#59060 - 12/02/05 03:28 PM Re: Elation
Zipser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 351
Loc: Connecticut
I have tears of happiness in my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing this story with us. One by one we will come back to enjoy what should have been ours all along.

Your strength and commitment give hope to everyone who reads your post.

Best wishes,

Zipser

_________________________
"I stand proud that the boy so badly damaged managed to get me this far and I will honor him and myself for being a survivor." - A member

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#59061 - 12/02/05 03:29 PM Re: Elation
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
H

What you write and what you are now living is so beautiful. I'll have a smile on my face all day thinking of the major strides you both have made and the good life you and you parnter are enjoying.

It's so wonderful to see that our hopes for a better life are not in vain; that the expectations for healing and recovery are true and that the realization of those hopes and expections is a glorious thing.

Thank you so much for sharing.

ROCK ON..........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#59062 - 12/02/05 07:34 PM Re: Elation
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Riviera,

I am so glad to read this. It's great when we can look at a case where a ravaged survivor is working so hard and making such progress toward reclaiming his life.

I'm especially glad to see this post in Friends and Family. We survivors often become so introspective - and that's part of the recovery process, sure. But it can also blind us to the contribution that our partners and loved ones make to our recovery. We put them through so much, and we owe them so much. Sometimes the relationship is a victim of the abuse as well, and it's just so great to see a case where things are moving in the opposite direction.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#59063 - 12/03/05 01:41 PM Re: Elation
TRACYUK Offline
Member

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
H

Your story reads like a partnerships testimony to the power of love and belief that things will get better.
I'm feeling a bit defeated at the moment and your post came at just the right time. THANKYOU for sharing this lovely lovely news.


Tracy


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