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#58616 - 03/25/04 07:38 PM I'm Staying and I'm Watching
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Recently, an incident happened in a number of the forums between some of the brothers (anyone who's been here knows what I'm talking about) that was totally unnecessary and potentially hurtful to everyone here. Accusations were made that shouldn't have been, resulting in a defense that shouldn't have been used. These were counterproductive to the reasons we're all here.

I'm not a moderator, but I stuck my nose into it, trying to bring peace before more people were hurt. I was hurt, because it caused me to trigger, and I know some of the new people here could've reacted worse if they saw this, which is why I got involved. Yes, I was hurt oo, but I thought it was important to try and help bring an end to it.

Bottom line is that I wanted to leave. I'd done this before when a situation like this arose, and I ended up messed up mentally. This place saved my life, but I couldn't deal with the hateful side of this place. People sometimes feel they need to settle differences by being hurtful and refuting unfair accusations with even stronger defenses, and I realized that I could be hurt like this again. I couldn't do this to myself, I decided, and was going to leave for good.

Well, obviously, I didn't. This place saved my life on more than one occasion, and I couldn't leave because it does help me, and it helps other people. I could leave, and it would be better for me in the short term, but in the long term, this place wouldn't get better and a resource we need would be gone.

This place is worth the risk to my mind, because it's HELPED me, but I'm not going to allow anyone to be hurt because people decide to wage a war here. The mods here are great, but they can't do everything. Therefore, I'm saying my piece, and if you want to get angry at someone, get angry at me, because I WON'T tolerate anymore hurtful crap here.

No one has the right to make accusations publically that are damaging to others.

No one has the right to defend themselves if it means hurting anyone else.

Anyone using this site to hurt ANYONE for ANY reason WILL NOT BE TOLERATED BY ME AND I WILL DO WHAT I CAN TO END IT, EVEN IF IT MEANS REPORTING YOU TO THE MODERATORS, ADMINISTRATORS, OR OFFICERS! EVEN IF IT MEANS SOMEONE GETS SUSPENDED OR KICKED OFF!

Anyone else who feels hurt or threatened IN ANY WAY needs to do the same. It bothers me that I have to take this stand, but I will not see this site be destroyed because of some shortminded people who spout off before they act.

This site belongs to the brothers (and sisters) who use it, and we all have a right to feel safe and nurtured. A few will not bully or injure the rest of us.

If I'm overstepping my boundaries, I don't care. As a survivor and a human being, I have a right to be safe here and nobody will take that away from me or anyone else.

I'm staying, and I'm watching. I'm doing this because I care about everyone here and I care about myself.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#58617 - 03/25/04 11:11 PM Re: I'm Staying and I'm Watching
gryffindor Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/03
Posts: 131
Loc: St. Charles, Illinois
Scot,

I'm glad you decided to stay. Your posts are very helpful to a lot of people here. They are inspiring because you never give up. Stumble, trip, or get knocked down, you get up again, no matter how scared you are, and head towards your goal to be healed.

Sometimes very, very angry people come here. Since they can't direct their anger at their perps, who aren't around, they lash out at whoever is around. Maybe they need their own Message Board, an Anger Board especially for survivors who have little or no control over their angry feelings or who just don't feel like controlling them. The only argument I can think of against such a board is the possibility that survivors who want to be hurt might go there and post. I don't know how that could be prevented.
Maybe it's not such a good idea. What do you think?

Mary

_________________________
"Where there's a will, there's a way." American Folk Saying

"Had I not fallen, I could not have arisen; had I not sat in darkness, I would not have recognized the light." Midrash Tehillim Ch. 22

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#58618 - 03/26/04 08:27 AM Re: I'm Staying and I'm Watching
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I have seen the 'unmoderated forum' used as rather an 'anger' board (and have used it as such myself. BUT, I have never directly attacked another member here there, and never would). Personal attacks need to be kept private.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#58619 - 03/26/04 01:08 PM Re: I'm Staying and I'm Watching
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Scot,

I missed "the ruckus" because I couldn't come around during the past week or so, but I'm glad to have missed it. I'm glad that you intend to stay, too.

We're a volatile bunch, not surprisingly so in light of our backgrounds. When we make the effort to repsect ourselves and others, we can find great strength in our numbers. None of us need ever be alone again.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#58620 - 03/26/04 08:24 PM Re: I'm Staying and I'm Watching
coolcat Offline
Member

Registered: 02/23/04
Posts: 109
Loc: Winnipeg MB Canada
I agree with you. I think we all need to be respectful of eveyone feelings. I also think that we need to be senitive in reagars to someaction done in the chat room such as using the "slap" and "whip" sounds, I know for one these really bother me.

Hopefully in the future, we all kind me more respectful of each other and help each other which I understand is the purpose of the site.

_________________________
Take it easy, Don't that the sounds of your own wheels drive you crazy....
Gus

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#58621 - 03/26/04 08:40 PM Re: I'm Staying and I'm Watching
brian-z Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
You are the 3rd or 4th person that has had a problem with that. There is no way to turn the sound off but if some one keeps using it you can ignore by typing /ignore (and then the username). I remember one guy back when we used chatspace kept using the toilet flushing sound every time he spoke, very annoying.


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