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#58394 - 10/24/05 03:31 PM ? to family people
lostboyalone Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/27/05
Posts: 19
I was abused and I got a new family now. They are good to me. Maybe it wont last. If theres abused boy in your family do you see only the abused boy or like just a boy? Dunno who I am anymore.


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#58395 - 10/24/05 04:29 PM Re: ? to family people
Bluebird Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/12/05
Posts: 15
Hi lost boy,

I am not sure from your post what your role is in your new family--I don't want to assume but are you still a child? Maybe this is a foster or adopted family for you?

It sounds like your new family is compassionate and caring if you say they are "good to you". They probably can see that you are a good person, too, who has had something bad happen to him in his life. I am certain they can see more than just the abused boy. There are many qualities that make up a person, like your kindness, sense of humor, willingness to help others. In this way, you are showing them every day that there is so much more to you than a tragic experience. Every day you are with your new family, they get to know you and appreciate you better. I hope you will take care and know that you are a good person who deserves happiness in life. It is hard to know who you are when you're growning up, but you will find your way. It is good that you have caring people around you now.

Love and peace,
Bluebird


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#58396 - 10/24/05 04:43 PM Re: ? to family people
TRACYUK Offline
Member

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
Lostboy alone.

You ask an intelligent question and its made me think.

I don't have any abused boys in my family only an adult who was abused when he was a boy. But I tell you this. For some of the time that we have been together he thought he was just a boy who was abused and no more than that.

I tell you what I see: A very handsome person, a person with a very good sense of humour, a person who can dance really well, a person who can tap out a tune with rythmn, a person who can draw and paint really really well, a person who has friends who love him, a person who is intelligent and is able to be really good at his job, a person who is fit and sporty, a person who I love very very much.

I see it as something that happened to him. A bad thing but he didn't deserve it and it doesn't make him who he is.


I'm sorry for what happened to you.. I'm also glad that you have found a new family who are good to you.

You say maybe it won't last. Well maybe it will but one thing is for sure. What happened to you was wrong and if it ever happens again I hope with all my heart that you will tell someone who you trust, who will make it stop and make sure you are safe.

You deserve to be safe and loved.


You must must be courageous because I know it takes guts to post on here. I felt stupid doing it the first time and I had to pluck up a lot of courage to do it.

So I cant answer your question but in you I see this. A courageous and intelligent boy.

Good luck with your new family. They are lucky to have you.

Tracy


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#58397 - 10/24/05 04:54 PM Re: ? to family people
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
LostBoyAlone,

You may feel like a lost boy, but I can assure you that since you found this place, you are not alone. There are many caring and supportive people here who will welcome you.

I feel terribly unqualified to answer you, but since you addressed your first question to us family people, I am compelled to.

First, I am so glad that you are with a new family who is good to you and probably, it will last. There are awful people in this world and sadly, you came in contact with them and they hurt you. However, there are alot more good people in this world than bad who only want to love and help. I don't know what your relationship is with your new family or if you are in counseling or have someone watching over you, but if you've been moved, I'll take a leap and assume that someone knows that you were abused before.

I agree with Bluebird when she says that there is so much more that makes up a boy other than his abuse. That's a horrible part of your life experience that you need to deal with, but it is not you and it is not the ruler by which people judge you.

You're very young but already you know and feel more than anyone ever should. Please make sure you speak with someone and that they get you to a therapist or counselor that you can trust.

Be well and be careful, but try to find someone to lean on and to help you. We family people have a rough time sometimes, but we work through it for the men we love and care about. I have every faith that you will find those people too. In the meanwhile, I'm sure we'll all be happy to be your virtual family people.

I'm sure you will hear from survivors soon who will be better able to help guide you and who will assure you that you are not alone.

Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#58398 - 10/24/05 07:59 PM Re: ? to family people
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
lostboyalone,

I am so glad to see you back and I'm glad you are with a family that is good to you now.

That fear of "maybe it won't last" is a common one among boys who are in new homes, but you are a great kid and I bet your new family will care for you and support you as every boy deserves.

I so remember the feeling you are talking about when you ask how your new family might view you. When I was your age the knowledge of what had happened to me seemed to consume everything else and stick in my mind all the time. I felt like I was wearing a sign and everyone was reading it. I was terrified at what might happen if my parents found out and I felt unsafe and a fake.

But you know, bro, a lot of that is the fear that any boy would have when something really bad happens to him, and the rest is junk that abusers put in our heads. They tell us we wanted it, that things happening to our bodies meant we liked it, that it was our idea and our fault, and lots of other lies. They do that to shut us up and in order to keep us as long as possible. It's all bullshit and cruel lies. All lies.

lba, you say you don't know who you are anymore. You are you: a cool 15 yo with a lot to say and a cool sense of humor - plus a lot more. What happened to you has harmed you, yes, but it does not define you. It is someone's else's cruelty and shame; you are not to blame and you have done nothing wrong.

If something like this happened to my son, or to a boy in my care as a foster child, I would want him to understand that I want him and love him for who he is. Once I knew what happened, I would want to protect him and care for him and help him in every way possible. His abuse means he needs special attention, but I would not love him differently or less, in the same way that if my son fell out of a tree and was injured I would want to give him the special care he needs, but I would not love him any differently or less.

Take care,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#58399 - 10/24/05 10:51 PM Re: ? to family people
lostboyalone Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/27/05
Posts: 19
thanks blubird tracy trish roadrunner. im looking for answers like got lots going on and i think its like my new family wants me to talk and get help and I been wanting to forget it all but its all messed up now and I just want to be a boy that wasnt abused just a boy but Im not me anymore Im lost somewhere or something I cant explain but thanks for your answers


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#58400 - 10/25/05 11:42 AM Re: ? to family people
TRACYUK Offline
Member

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
Lostboyalone

Youre welcome. Can I add that you are unselfish and thoughtful also. Its really nice that you thought to thank the people who have posted to you. I sometimes forget.

All the best

Tracy


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