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#58374 - 03/18/04 02:45 PM News about this morning
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Oki here I am, I have survived the day !

I went this morning at 9am to the police station. Two friends joined me there and stayed until I was interrogated. The police captain started telling me "I don't like my job when I have to deal with this kind of cases". (bad translation but he was actually very nice and sympathetic). Then he told me that the prosecutor's office had made a statement to say that the crimes I related for myself were "prescrits" meaning that I can't go to court because I had only until 28 years old to press charges but nevertheless the captain told me I was still authorize to press charges officially (a subtlety of the French law) and it would be a good thing to make them prosecute my father in my niece's case.
I was not prepared for that ! I just thought I would be interrogated ! But I decided to go all the way so I declared I wanted to press charges for myself and off we went with the whole story.
I stayed there for 3 hours ! At first I was very afraid but I relaxed a little bit because that captain was so nice and he really believed me and wanted to help. He advised me for the best and avoided to write down tricky infos that the prosecutor's office would not like.
I tried to be as precise and specific as I could. He did not ask the details of all my memories of abuse but only the main stuff : fondling, fellatios and stuff like that.
He was appalled ! He went on asking questions about my family, my niece and my sister's denial of the abuse.
He gave me at the end a paper saying I had pressed charges where it says "rape and sexual abuse perpetrated by ascendancy" which is in the French law an aggravating circumstance (15 years of prison, with no reduction).
I can't tell you how it feels, just to read those words and to feel like this is not your burden anymore, now the Justice is taking that burden that I was carrying for the whole family.
I have felt truly adult today for the first time. I was happy also because I know in my heart that I did not do it as a vengeance but I did it to protect my niece and also because my father has to confront the consequences of what he has done. I have meditated a lot yesterday and this morning. I have received so much energy and love from you, from my friends on http://www.inceste.org and from other friends that I had only love in my heart today.
I came out so exhausted, drained and very sad. I have been wanting to cry all day and I can't yet.
I managed to go to class this morning (psychopathology ! \:\) ) because I wanted to feel that I am going forward in my life, I study art therapy in order to help you guys and this is where I belong. I have to concentrate on my life, what's beautiful in it. My abuser has not killed the love in my heart and that's the most important thing.
I hope that soon I will meet V. again. We both have had to face so much lately, maybe we needed this time on our own to address our problems properly. Maybe he needed to know that I can deal with the hardest situation on my own, that I am that strong. I don't know ! All I know is I LOVE HIM !!!
Love and blessings to you all.

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#58375 - 03/18/04 03:05 PM Re: News about this morning
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
Brava!!!!

You are wonderful!!!!

Hugs!!!!!

_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

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#58376 - 03/18/04 04:30 PM Re: News about this morning
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Caetel,

Thank you.

Thank you from all of us. You have courage that most people wouldn't have. You MADE them believe. Given half a chance, would they have? I hate to say they wouldn't. Who would?

But you did.

Thank you.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#58377 - 03/18/04 10:53 PM Re: News about this morning
LadyTheo Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/03
Posts: 32
Loc: ky
Caetel,
OMG....I am so astounded that I don't even know what to say, lol. I applaud you Caetel. Just today in my therapy session, the topic came up of wether or not I should/could report some of my family members for the same type of crimes that you just spoke of. Obviously, this causes me great anxiety, and reading that you did and that you feel so good about it, really has helped me. Thank you so much. You have done an extrememly tough thing, and survived! Kudos to you \:\)
Take care,
Lady Theo

_________________________
In order to see the rainbow, you have to endure the storms.

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#58378 - 03/19/04 04:10 PM Re: News about this morning
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
I know just what you mean.
Quote:
to feel like this is not your burden anymore, now the Justice is taking that burden that I was carrying for the whole family.
I used to keep a copy of the restraining order in my memory box. Looking at it and knowing that there was a copy of it in some official file cabinet somewhere felt like I was holding a treasure map. Somehow that feeling was always stronger than the memory of all the angry eyes in the room.

SAR


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#58379 - 03/19/04 06:49 PM Re: News about this morning
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Caro'
You inspire me !

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#58380 - 03/19/04 07:10 PM Re: News about this morning
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Thank you so much guys !
Not feeling too good today, feeling lonely and sad; I have been wanting to cry but I can't. I miss V; terribly, it's hard.
Luckily I am going to our usual website reunion tomorrow night. I hope V. will be there. I know, I know, it's not reasonable for my heart but I can't help it !

Following the protest and concert (see world news)we are uniting our forces and I am going to present in the next few weeks my project for a male survivor workshop/talk group (well a kind of bone structure of the project). The art therapy workshop for male survivor is confirmed in Geneva (Switzerland). I will keep you informed about the dates.
Love
Caro

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#58381 - 03/19/04 07:33 PM Re: News about this morning
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
caro,
your courage is beyond my ability to describe. i thought of doing something similar, but at this point i just cannot bring myself to face that kind of conflict. you and roland are two very couragous people and i am proud to be able to say that i know you both. i think i know in a small way what it took for you to do what you did. thank you, for standing up for all the silent ones, caro.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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