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#58259 - 10/21/05 11:19 AM question to male survivors
TRACYUK Offline
Member

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
Would it be ok to start a link about the feelings involved when you find out someone you love so much has been attacked and violated in the most unimaginable way. those feelings are the good, the bad, the ugly and the downright beautiful.

I'm consious such a link is a lovers unburdening and not in the first instance a support to men trying to heal.

The hardest thing is the personal feelings of isolation because talking to friends and family is not an option when the information is not mine to share. The CSA abuse happened to him, the coping mechanisms were his and its ugly and not to be shared without permission.

I have his permission to share here but i think this site is about you guys and not primarily about us as lovers and allies.

My love to you all. I've seen first hand what this does to men and its heartbreaking to me and I'm sure to most other women who read and post here.


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#58260 - 10/21/05 11:35 AM Re: question to male survivors
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Tracy,

I would love to hear how you and others feel. Survivors do not live in a void; I think it would help us to have an exchange like this.

I have been thinking of telling my sister about this site and this forum in particular. She has been such an enormous help to me, but I know the whole thing is a heavy burden on her. Your suggestion strikes me as exactly the kind of thing she needs.

Abuse devastates not only us, but all those we love and interact with. I hope you will start the thread you have in mind.

Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#58261 - 10/21/05 11:52 AM Re: question to male survivors
TRACYUK Offline
Member

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
Thanks Larry

I'll wait a little while to see if anyone has heartfelt objections but if not I'll start one. I have a feeling there will be a lot of tears and snotty nose goings on. :-) a pile of fags and a pot of coffee will be in order.

LOL

Tracy


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#58262 - 10/21/05 12:04 PM Re: question to male survivors
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Got my kettle and kleenex Tracy. ;\) Fire away when you feel ready. I really think this is a great idea.

Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#58263 - 10/21/05 12:07 PM Re: question to male survivors
TRACYUK Offline
Member

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
Larry, I've meant to say this before but never been sure whether to or not. I've read quite a lot of the posts in the male survivor column and elsewhere.

Very very many posts are uplifting and at times heartbreaking, but over time i would get stopped in my tracks and would get drawn back to rereading something again and again. After a while I realised these were always posts written by 3 men, yourself,Dave (Lloydy)and Bobby. (Maybe because you or your situations cut close to mine and my partners situation or maybe just the eloquence)anyway...
I have a sort of vision of you three. You are tall,strong,smiling and beautiful.

It must be your souls I can see.


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#58264 - 10/21/05 12:21 PM Re: question to male survivors
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Tracy,

Thanks so much. I am honored to be included in that company.

If you are seeing my soul here I am especially glad. Letting that out is something I still find difficult. It helps to be working on that with so many wonderful people around.

Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#58265 - 10/22/05 02:26 PM Re: question to male survivors
Sinking Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
Tracy - I too think this is an excellent idea. As a survivor who is married to a loving, supporting woman who doesn't reveal much of what she's feeling, I might get some insight from others who share her current position in life, so to speak. Please let me know where to find the link once you get the ball rolling. Peace - John


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#58266 - 10/22/05 10:33 PM Re: question to male survivors
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Same here, Tracy.

It must be very hard, loving a survivor, when you feel you have no place to talk about your feelings. It IS hard, I imagine.

I feel that you guys SHOULD have your space to talk about these things, and I too would like a copy of the link when you have it.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#58267 - 10/22/05 10:42 PM Re: question to male survivors
sunshine2 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/23/05
Posts: 16
Some days it's hell. Literally. Today would be one of those days. \:\(


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#58268 - 10/22/05 10:51 PM Re: question to male survivors
AuthenticMe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/05
Posts: 287
Tracy,

As a male survivor in a relationship, I would welcome such a link.

_________________________
I am a Man.

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#58269 - 10/23/05 12:33 AM Re: question to male survivors
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Tracy
I'm tall, but as for the rest :rolleyes:

Quote:
I have his permission to share here but i think this site is about you guys and not primarily about us as lovers and allies.
I think you're wrong there, yes, the site is called Male Survivor and it's aim is to help men overcome the effects of their chilhood sexual abuse.
But you're doing exactly the same thing with your fella, you're helping him in every way you know how, and you're learning new ways as fast as you can.
It's a common goal, you have just as much importance to 'your survivor' as this site has to any of us, don't ever feel like a second class citizen because you, and the other partners, aren't. To us you're everything and more.

But do we show our appreciation? Often we don't.
Many of us still haven't got the hang of showing out love and appreciation to our partners, which is desperately sad when we seem to know what we'd like to do, but we're still scared of actually doing it.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#58270 - 10/23/05 02:59 PM Re: question to male survivors
TRACYUK Offline
Member

Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 178
Hi

The link is: feelings, including the irrational ones.

sorry I've not worked out how to do a PM yet other than replying to one sent to me.


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