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#58056 - 02/27/04 03:40 PM Played for a sucker
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
There have been a lot of things going on in my life, since I tend to emote, to empathize, to feel for others so easily, that have affected me deeply.

Some have had reasons to affect me. I've been put through a lot, and not just with survivor issues, but that's okay. Everyone goes through rough patches and we learn to cope with it.

But I've also been taken advantage of, and been played, and that's not okay.

Trust is a REAL big issue for me. It takes A LOT to make me want to reach out to someone, to help them, to want to make it all better. A vast majority of the time, I believe it's worth it. It's an honor to help someone, it's a pleasure to give of yourself, and know it's been a worthy thing.

And then there are the times when I've reached out, believing I've done the right thing, and found out I've been played.

It's another betrayal, and it's just plain wrong.

It happens everywhere, and it's happened here in the past. Those who were involved know what I'm talking about. Those who don't only need to be aware that, just like in the "real world," everyone and everything here is NOT what they seem, and they may be taking advantage of you.

They may have the best of intentions, or they may just think it's a "joke." Whatever the cause, it causes damage, like being abused all over again JUST when you're getting to the point of trusting people as a group.

I know most of you here, and I know you wouldn't DREAM of conning your fellow survivors or those who love them, but for those who come here thinking they're doing a "good" thing by using this website as bait for abusers, or sign on and post painful things to see what responses you get for "kicks," you don't deserve the time and space.

Like me, most of you brothers and sisters want to reach out and help, do the right thing, everything, but we all need to remember that this is still the wild west of the internet, and things are not always as they seem.

I learned that lesson a long time ago. I think in the future I'm going to maintain a healthy degree of skepticism alongside my compassion. It's the only way I'm going to survive.

All of us should, because we all deserve to be the kind, compassionate beings we are, and NOT get our minds and hearts screwed up.

I care for eveyone here, that's why I'm posting this.

Peace and love to you all. Don't stop caring.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#58057 - 02/27/04 03:58 PM Re: Played for a sucker
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Scot

Thanks for looking out. At some point it is both painful and counterintuitive to hold on to our skepticism in a setting such as this, but you're right, it's always important.

I would say "don't stop caring" right back to you but I don't think I need to, so I'm just going to say that I'm with you. Compassion is much more than "worth it."

It's the revenge that heals. \:D \:D


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#58058 - 02/27/04 04:16 PM Re: Played for a sucker
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
You know, Scot, sometimes I find it so difficult to differentiate those with malicious intent from those who are manipulative as a symptom of their SA/ recovery.

I know I have been occasionally enlisted into someone's private drama & it does make me a bit angry once the dust has cleared.

On the other hand, to turn away someone in need is unthinkable, so I would tend to err on the side of compassion even if that were to make me a fool.

Thanks for the insight!!!

_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

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#58059 - 02/27/04 06:25 PM Re: Played for a sucker
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
I too am one of those souls who usually errs on the side of goodwill and have been taken advantage of it many times. I have stayed naiively faithful to creepy self-interested boyfriends while they were lying to me and sleeping around with half the city, I have, in the name of corporate team-building, asked for collaborative input on high profile work files and had them stolen by malicious, manipulative, backstabbing corporate climbers, I've been ripped off my unsavoury salesmen, been jerked around by entire branches of my own family, I figure I must have the word SUCKER tattooed on my forehead.

I guess I'm so hopelessly entrenched in my Catholic upbringing but I somehow think that those of us who are hurt or suffer because of others taking advantage of our goodwill will be rewarded.. at some point, maybe in the afterlife.... But it does get tiring in the here and now wondering what the (*&(*& is the point of being good if people just are out there to fuck you over. And some days, like today, I figure that EVERYONE is out there to fuck me over.

Anyhow after I go and lick my wounds from today I know I would rather err on the side of being good and noble and run the risk of being taken advantage of than live my life being combative and manipulative because I'm afraid. At least that way I know I can hold my head high and look myself in the face tomorrow morning knowing I did everything I could to "do the right thing".

And I know that people who are trying to fuck me over are probably hurting more than I am. And I try to have compassion for them even though they are doing such hurtful things.

I guess my own innate sense of skepticism and cynicism has protected me so far. I try not to let that make me appear angry and unprofessional but sometimes I admit that it does and I have to work on that.

I also try to work really hard at remembering that at one time I was a victim of some pretty awful abuse, I'm now an adult and not really at anyone's mercy (except my workplace and I have gone to great lengths to find a workplace that has a lot of checks and balances, strong union protection, etc).

I would imagine that this website does have its fair share of trollers who are looking to prey upon the victimized and vulnerable - I think though that there is a strong enough set of checks and balances that those who are trolling on here for new "cyber victims" will quickly be found out, and safety will prevail. Although there may be a few unsavoury folks from time to time I think they will quickly be weeded out for everyone's protection. There's a lot of people watching over this place.

P


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