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#57943 - 09/29/05 01:24 AM Faulty Radar
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
Hope the Guize (as Sammy would say) will take a look here at this topic.... Here at F&F we spend a good deal of energy trying to support our Loved Ones as they begin to learn to trust us little by little.

But trauma survivors are notorious for also trusting TOO MUCH. We "hear" the voice inside warning us that a certain person's behavior seems "odd" somehow, but we fail to pick up on our own signals.

I'd love to hear stories about how people fell into this kind of trap - but I would especially like to know (1) how & what did you learn from it and (2) did what you learned about trusting the WRONG people eventually teach you how to trust the RIGHT people?

_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

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#57944 - 09/29/05 04:15 AM Re: Faulty Radar
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
K54,
there have been times I've trusted too much, but I don't think any more than the non abuse victim... I could be wrong about that. But did I learn from the times I did trust too much? Probably. It made me more cautious. But eventually I allowed myself to trust again. I had to or I wouldn't have been able to have any significant relationships. To me, relationships - at least meaningful ones, have to have a strong trust component. Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#57945 - 09/29/05 04:30 AM Re: Faulty Radar
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2258
Loc: Maryland USA
Kolisha,
Quote:
how & what did you learn from it
I'm doing the learning right now. I trusted the woman who kept my then five year old son away from me for two months this summer. What I think I will have learned, again, is to trust my intuition. I look back and see warning signs that I deliberately refused to heed earlier in the relationship. I'm glad to have my kids, but beyond that, being with that woman was not healthy for me.
Quote:
did what you learned about trusting the WRONG people eventually teach you how to trust the RIGHT people?
I hope so. Someday we'll see, le cuicdiú Dé.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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