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#57545 - 01/16/04 10:32 PM Advise needed
LadyTheo Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/03
Posts: 32
Loc: ky
Okay, I'm not really used to posting here, so I'm not too sure how this will go, but I figured I'd give it a shot, lol.

Most of you know my fiance Theo. He is going through a really tough time at the moment.The other day he went to see a new psychiatrist....which was a big step for him to make, he's not one to reach out to others for help. Well,to make a long story short, this psych. was a total a@@h@le, and refused to prescribe the meds for Theo that he needs. And lately it just seems that whenever he reaches out for help, he is rejected.
As many of you know, Theo left the forum a few weeks ago, and because of what this doc put him through, he decided to take another risk and come back to the forum. He posted about what happened and was seeking some comfort. I'm not sure if it was just a bad time of day to post or what, but he only recieved one response, so he once again felt rejected.He ended up just deleting his post and saying he wasn't going to try anymore.
So those two things plus a few minor other things has him feeling really down right now.

My question is...What can I do for him? I totally validated his feelings in response to recent events, and he knows that I am here for him, but I just don't know what else I can do to help him. I'm sort of hesitant to encourage him to not give up, to keep reaching out, but I fear that if he does reach out and is rejected again, that he will in some way blame me. Is that selfish of me? I just want to do whatever is right for him.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Take Care,
LadyTheo :rolleyes:

_________________________
In order to see the rainbow, you have to endure the storms.

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#57546 - 01/16/04 11:04 PM Re: Advise needed
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Lady Theo - I sometimes post here and think I've said too much / not enough etc...etc...etc. Sometimes there are responses and sometimes not. Tonight I could have really done with some a while ago in the Survivors Section ( I think I am now in the partners bit) - I am in England and I know most people on this site are in the USA (with a few honourable exceptions). I know that people here have lives outside of this site and cannot always answer immediately... but they do answer (and there is a time diffenrence. The first time I posted here, I got more thatn 20 replies anfd that's what I remenber when I have mnty wotrst times (like now).

Ask Theo to come back here - we may just not have had the answer at the time. I read some of the posts here and don't know what to say, sometimes I think I say too much.


We do care...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#57547 - 01/17/04 12:17 AM Re: Advise needed
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
lady t

Of course, you should be validating his feelings, but maybe there's a way for you to remind him too that rejection is not a black and white thing. We can feel rejected when that's not the intent of the people around us (like when we need answers faster than the people around us can give them), or we can be dense and NOT understand the "rejection" of others (like trying to get that last houseguest to leave politely).

Feelings are important but they don't always reflect people's intent. I think that distance and experience bear that out eventually.

Regarding blame... just like your own feelings "aren't your fault," other people's feelings usually aren't either. As long as you're not rejecting him, it's not your fault.

I suspect that bad therapy experiences are a sore subject for lots of the people here. I'm not surprised if it's not a topic people are especially vocal about.

peace
Sar


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#57548 - 01/17/04 03:28 PM Re: Advise needed
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Lady Theo
I do hope that Theo comes back here because we need him. He never should have deleted the post just because he only got 1 reply.Many post take 2-3 days for all the people to see them.

Early in recovery we come here daily and even hourly because this is one of the only places we feel safe. Later in Recovery we don.t come here as often. It is still important to be able to read the post from other because they help me heal. Sometime I just read and other time I post a reply. Buit ever word is important to me and others. Most post stay active for 3 or 4 days. I alse post late at night so I never get quick feed back.

You would be surprized by how our words reach out and helps people that never reply. So ask Theo to come back and bring his healing power here where 1000's of survivors can benifit from it.

Tom Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#57549 - 01/17/04 03:54 PM Re: Advise needed
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Lady Theo,

There are some definate a@@h@le pdocs out there. I had the misfortune of being 'required' to see one, because the hospital wanted me to see on the my insurance covered, rather than going to the one that I paid cash for. That man set me back and really messed with my life, I am thankful that I have forfilled the hospital's 'requirement' and now am back to the top-notch pdoc I had been seeing. This is no indication upon Theo, but the a@@h@le pdoc. When we are in a bad place, it is easy to take that as an attack on ourselves, take it personal.

I hope that Theo comes back. A single response is not a rejection of him. As Muldoon says, it sometimes takes time to get responses. I know that it has taken me several days to respond to a post that I wanted to reply to. Time to gather my thoughts to give a valid example or sound advice, rather than to rush to post and aggrevate things. The posts of the members and guests are too important to just reply to, they require thought and compassion. Sometimes it comes fast, other times more slowly.

If Theo is like me and many others here, he will blame himself, not you, for any conceived rejection, founded or unfounded. Thank you for being there for him and supporting him. Listen to what he has to say, when he wants to say it. Acknowledge his feelings. And continue to show him love.

Bless you,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#57550 - 01/17/04 07:46 PM Re: Advise needed
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Lady Theo - I don't know what the issues were that drove Theo away. I have found one of his posts that didn't get any responses and it was due to issues in a chatroom. I don't know what happened there, but sometimes we may upset each other because we are upset ourselves and don't have clarity of thinking.

Last night I posted a poem of sorts whilst at a low ebb... tonight, I changed the last 2 lines because they could have easily triggered someone... that wasn't my intention when I wrote/posted it. The meaning is now slightly different but also more positive.

Again - please ask Theo to come back.

Rik.

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#57551 - 01/17/04 08:33 PM Re: Advise needed
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Lady Theo
Tell Theo to try again, I have never got the feeling that anyone here is ever ignored. I think he should try again.

As fot the Psch' ? Well...maybe one session is a bit quick to make a full judgement ? But I'm not saying that he might not be an arse.

Ask, no tell, Theo to come and talk about it !

Dave ;\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#57552 - 01/19/04 04:07 PM Re: Advise needed
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
Quote:
Most of you know my fiance Theo. He is going through a really tough time at the moment.The other day he went to see a new psychiatrist....which was a big step for him to make, he's not one to reach out to others for help. Well,to make a long story short, this psych. was a total a@@h@le, and refused to prescribe the meds for Theo that he needs. And lately it just seems that whenever he reaches out for help, he is rejected.

My question is...What can I do for him? I totally validated his feelings in response to recent events, and he knows that I am here for him, but I just don't know what else I can do to help him. I'm sort of hesitant to encourage him to not give up, to keep reaching out,[/QB]
Good question being disappointed and let down is part of life but when you are dealing with a survivor it is so hard for them to handle it...

i dont know how to get someone to think that stuff is just happening because shit just happens and discourage them from taking it so personally...

you can tell them a lot of stuff and be as reassuring as possible but if you are dealing with someone who's not yet able to see things in perspective its hard...

i'm interested in some tips on this too.

P


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#57553 - 01/23/04 02:05 AM Re: Advise needed
scarman Offline
Member

Registered: 01/09/04
Posts: 74
Loc: London On Canada
Lady Theo, He is a lucky man to have someone who cares so much for him that you would get involved in helping him. I truly hope you can get him to read some of the responses you've been getting from your post. It may let him know that his is missed here. I've read some of his replies to others and he is a definet asset to our little group of survivours.

shawn

_________________________
scarman stands for the tatoos I have, and also the emotional scars I've accumulated from my past.

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