Newest Members
Won'tGiveUp, sillyputty, Pytbull, manipulated, donmarks
12383 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Beluga (64), Isreal101 (65), Phil Sober (41), phil1973 (41), Teddy Bear (63)
Who's Online
6 registered (pattom, Bardo, 4 invisible), 36 Guests and 7 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12383 Members
74 Forums
63644 Topics
444491 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#5755 - 08/17/03 06:17 PM thankful for finding this place
zanychris Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/16/03
Posts: 13
Thanks to the people who responded privately to my story. I really needed to hear those words of encouragement.

I am isolating myself right now which worries me. I was supposed to go to a freind's house for a barbeque with my partner but I told him to go without me--iit would take too much energy to act happy. I asked him to be honest about I wasn't there so that's good but I know I would have felt obligated to be fake, even around friends.

I have never felt such sadness in my life. I went through some initial SA therapy twelve years ago and it didn't hurt like this...maybe this is the next layer to come off.

I don't know if I'll ever feel better. I am just walking around numb from the pain... is this normal?


Top
#5756 - 08/17/03 07:27 PM Re: thankful for finding this place
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Chris
I just read your story, and I guess it's about that time.
Time to start really healing.

When we make that leap and call it "rape" instead of "the sex we had" then we're out of the starting blocks.

Stick with us, there's great support from some really special guys.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#5757 - 08/17/03 07:49 PM Re: thankful for finding this place
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hello Chris, it is good to meet you.

We do get to feel much better with time and lots of work. There was a long time when I felt that just "feeling better" was not enough. But, I am experiencing "better" and it feels real good.

Your story has so much in common with most of us. Someone,who had real skill in manipulation, got us to do things that we did not really want to do. But, so many of us were so starved for at least a little attention, and maybe even some love, that we would have done anything to get it. It amazes me, the skill perps have in recognizing which of us to go after, and which to stay away from.

Your memories will bug you. You may remember things you had totally forgotten. But, as odd as it might seem, if we are getting help from a therapist or a group of somekind that is helpful, this recall is a sign of our being ready to kick the effects of the SA in the butt.

I believe you will find lots of men here with very similar experiences, and some of them will be able to tell you how they worked it all out.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

Top
#5758 - 08/18/03 04:01 PM Re: thankful for finding this place
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Chris,

"Normal" is a funny word. The feeling of being numb is quite common in survivors of sexual abuse. I think it's actually common in survivors of many kinds of trauma. So in that sense, it's normal.

It's a reaction to a grossly abnormal insult to your person. Your mind had to find some way to protect you from the terrible pain, and the numbness is one of those protections.

Listen to these guys. They've helped me a lot, and I think they must have been helping people for a while to have gotten so good at it. Write what you can about what happened to you, how it affects you, and so on. Read what others write. You might want to consider returning to therapy, too.

Just about one year ago I finally wrote the word "rape" in reference to what he did to me. It's only in the last couple days that I feel it becoming real to me. The sadness keeps seeping out into my "real life" and I have to do something. One of the things that has helped me get this far is coming here to read and write. I hope it will help you, too.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

Top
#5759 - 08/19/03 04:46 PM Re: thankful for finding this place
zanychris Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/16/03
Posts: 13
Thank you for the support, everyone. I really appreciate it. Knowing you are all out there helps me make it through the day.


Top
#5760 - 08/19/03 07:51 PM Re: thankful for finding this place
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Chris
we do a night shift as well ;\)

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#5761 - 08/19/03 11:23 PM Re: thankful for finding this place
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Dave do we get paid for the night shift???? :p

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

Top
#5762 - 08/20/03 05:34 AM Re: thankful for finding this place
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Mike
just pass your claim form to Fred, he knows what to do with them.

Dave \:D

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#5763 - 08/20/03 06:28 AM Re: thankful for finding this place
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Hey, CZ,

I'll join you in being thankful for finding this place. These guys are something else, aren't they?

Sorry you had to go looking for a place like this, but I think that you've found the best. And, you've already heard from some of the cream of the crop around here, Bob, Joe and those two guys right out of central casting, Mikey and Dave. When they're not here, they're doing a stand up routine somewhere mid Atlantic.
All kidding aside, this place saved my live, C. I hope that it is as positive for you. Please take it easy on yourself. We, survivors can be brutal on those we love, and on ourselves, when no one else is handy.
Welcome to you, every word you write is a word of burden lifted from your back. Every word you write is a link to your brother survivors here waiting to make that connection with you, bother CZ.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

Top
#5764 - 08/20/03 03:27 PM Re: thankful for finding this place
catch22 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/18/03
Posts: 19
Loc: san jose, ca
hello everybody

i joined a few days ago and have spent hours reading and re-reading old posts. i have never talked to anyone on a website like this and i wasnt going to here either. i am...well, i am surprised at how open you all are. i have spent my life being closed off and hiding. how do you get to the point where you can talk to others about...things? hiding it, hiding everything gets to be a way of life. i can go through my life, day after day, and pretend nothing is wrong. i can talk to people, and drive my car, and shop and i can act like everything is fine. everybody thinks it is - people who see me. sometimes i think that probably it is ok any if i can act ok, i must be ok. as shakespeare said (paraphrase) "if you dont have a virture, assume one." well, i can assume "normalcy" cant i?

then, at other times...well - i cant. i dont know what to do. then sometimes, i think, if i could just talk to someone about this.

i dont know....

c

_________________________
Life is pain. You just get used to it.

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.