I confronted my fiancee last night about some suspicions I had about online pornography and sexual discussions with strangers. After talking for a while, he got very emotional and said "you haven't had something so painful happen to you that you can't talk about it." to which I said "That is true, but honey, we are going to get married; you can tell me anything! If you can't be open and honest with me, then we have no business getting married." Then he dropped the bomb--he told me he had been sexually and physically abused in his past. It was clear that he didn't want to discuss it any further at that point, and I of course told him how sorry I was and that I was here for him and that I loved him. I'm just devistated. I can't stop thinking about him as a child and how horrible and terrifying the experience must have been for him. It's killing me and I want to help him, but I don't know how. I am worried because I think I am the first person he has ever told about this and that he's been hiding this secret for his whole life. I have heard that it's not good to repress your feelings, especially when there is abuse involved, but I don't want to push him before he is ready to talk about it. Any suggestions on where to go from here? I was going to write him a letter explaining how I am here for him and that I think he should get help and have him save it to read when he is ready to think about that time again. I just want to help him and I feel completely helpless and angry at his family, because my suspicion is that it was his father who did this (he was an alcoholic). But, I don't know that for a fact, and his father is dead, so I don't know. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!