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#57381 - 01/11/04 09:07 PM lost...triggers.
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Got so sad looking at pictures yesterday. So much has been lost. So much has been taken from us. From him. There are years of photographs that mean nothing. A lot of bad decisions. A lot of lies. Years of pictures of him pretending to smile.

Even after that. Pictures of years that I was supposed to be his best friend and I didn't help him. Pictures of us standing next to people who hurt him and took him for granted.

I am very glad that I am small and weak and don't own a gun tonight.


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#57382 - 01/12/04 06:24 AM Re: lost...triggers.
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
I understand so much what you are saying. I have very photos of myself as a kid but the feeling is horrible when I look at the ones when I am a baby and a toddler. I think: how was abused then ! How can someone do that to a child ? How can my father do that to me ? Then I see the sadness in my eyes then and it's unbearable.
As for V., after hearing him after returning from his parents house at Christmas, knowing his mum tried to abuse him again, after noticing the pain in his eyes, after FEELING his pain, I just want to murder her and scream my rage.
Yes so much has been destroyed. I am more than ever trying to concentrate on the present, on what I can do now to make a difference in his life. Healing is a journey and this photos are part of his journey and yours.
With all my heart
Caroline

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#57383 - 01/12/04 06:29 AM Re: lost...triggers.
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Sorry , my English is rotten in the morning. It is only because I did not have my shower yet and no coffee either ! \:D
I am a sort of wild child ! Terrible sight really ! \:D Thank God I don't have a web cam ! ;\)

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#57384 - 01/12/04 08:01 AM Re: lost...triggers.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I was looking for a particualr picture in the big box at my parents house, in the end I brought the box here so I can scan them onto a disc....eventually.

But when I looked through I discovered an individual school photograph for every year from 5 to 16 yo.
And I can tell, and my wife can, exactly when the abuse began at 11.

The sparkle has gone, the smile's forced, and as I get older I just look terrible. Not the usuall acne covered teenage oik, I had that to put up with as well ! But I looked scared and lost. My teeth were bad as well, I look as though I didn't care.
I don't think I did.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#57385 - 01/12/04 11:09 AM Re: lost...triggers.
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
Quote:
Originally posted by SAR:
Got so sad looking at pictures yesterday. So much has been lost. So much has been taken from us. From him. There are years of photographs that mean nothing. A lot of bad decisions. A lot of lies. Years of pictures of him pretending to smile.

Even after that. Pictures of years that I was supposed to be his best friend and I didn't help him. Pictures of us standing next to people who hurt him and took him for granted.

Pictures are hard for me too. What is really hard is that my partner and I were friends long before his abuse, and just when mine was starting. And we were so close.. so much fun.. I look back at our kindegarten photos, our grade 1 photos, we look so happy. Part of me thinks that had I not left our home town at age 10 I might have been able to protect him from that teacher.... fat chance I know but still I think that sometimes.

And now we re-meet and so much pain has happened.

The lost years from 1980-2001 haunt me every day.

P


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#57386 - 01/12/04 04:51 PM Re: lost...triggers.
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
SAR,

People truly are animals at times. I will never stop being amazed at how cruel mankind (womankind) can be. The pictures are a link to the post for the two of you. Getting a gun and going after the people on shows that you have sunk to their level. You are a better person then that the two of you will raise up above the shit that has been caused. You will be a better stronger person because of this. You two will understand what it means to be loved just for who you are. You will always be better then the people that abused him ALWAYS.

lots of love, Nathan


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#57387 - 01/13/04 01:51 PM Re: lost...triggers.
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
Quote:
Originally posted by Nathan:
SAR,

People truly are animals at times. I will never stop being amazed at how cruel mankind (womankind) can be.
Ditto for me too. I always wonder about my fiance's SA perp - how could he even POSSIBLY think that what he did was even remotely OK?

Unreal.

Blows my mind.

P


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#57388 - 01/14/04 12:02 AM Re: lost...triggers.
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
PAS

My boyfriend and I were friends growing up also. Not as small children but as older grade schoolers and preteens. I am sure that he was still being abused when we met. Wondering if he was still going through it when we became close in high school. If so then maybe I am on the long long list of people who let him down. This is tough to write.

I don't believe that these excuses for people think that what they do is okay for one second. Maybe if they're smart they find a way to make it sound okay but that isn't the same thing. They know what they are doing and they know it's wrong. Wrong just isn't enough to stop them.


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#57389 - 01/14/04 03:22 PM Re: lost...triggers.
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
What I dont get is how can these perps be so FUNCTIONAL????

My fiance's perp is a highly respected professional (in a profession that gives him unlimited access to kids nonetheless...)... in the 17 years since he molested my fiance.. he has just risen through the ranks... well known, well liked.. I was surfing through the web the other day.. did a name search on this dickhead.. and found an article by a local journalism student singing this guy's praises... phuuuck!!!!!!

Well I hope that this guy is shaking in his fucking boots.... my fiance launched a complaint against him a year ago...it was accepted in July and an investigation is underway...

........keep your fingers crossed.........


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