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#56822 - 12/17/03 03:14 PM The fear is mine !
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Hi guys !

Ok, I told you about V. about about his struggles right now to reach out to me. The fears he is dealing with hit me last night.
I suddenly woke up at 5 am this morning, awaken by a major panick attack, an amazing anguish that came from one thought: I suddenly realized that V. loves me. Until now, I guess I did not really think he could love me. I am a survivor myself so I guess until today I loved him with a safety net. I think all the time I was prepared for him to leave me, I was prepared for being abandoned.
I suddenly got SO scared that he actually loves me. The lady I see for massages told me that I am changing a lot these days and in consequences, it makes Vincent change too. Last night I think his changes have hit me in a scary but very positive way.
I am so afraid I don't know what to do. I feel I am so vulnerable. I feel I can die any minute because I am so defenseless !
I have been scared all day today (it is 8.10pm in France right now). I hope the feeling is going to go because I'd rather feel love flowing into me.
I have no idea where this is all going ! V and I are like two kids in front of something we don't understand, something that is too unbelievable!

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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#56823 - 12/19/03 11:19 AM Re: The fear is mine !
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
Quote:
Originally posted by Caetel:
Hi guys !

The lady I see for massages told me that I am changing a lot these days and in consequences, it makes Vincent change too.
Indeed is the way with all relationships - they are systems - when one pushes the other pulls...

P


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#56824 - 12/19/03 02:11 PM Re: The fear is mine !
Caetel Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Paris, France
Thank you PAS, I am still afraid though I am a little better because I have seen my therapist this morning.
I will probably be seeing V. tomorrow night and I have NO idea how I am going to handle seeing him in public when I have so much to tell and I am feeling so many emotions !
If he was scared as much as me, I understand why he just stayed away. This fear is so overwhelming !

_________________________
Mitakuye oyasin ! We are all related !

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