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#5672 - 04/15/03 12:09 AM From now on...
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
It didn't happen.

I had a normal childhood.

I had a normal adolescence, aside from the suicide of my father.

I went to prison, but nothing of note happened there.

From now on that's the truth... and I guess I will leave here since I don't have any reason to stay.

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#5673 - 04/15/03 12:36 AM Re: From now on...
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Josh, what are you talking about?!?! You have every reason to be here as anyone else. Just don't give up on feeling better about yourself. Recovery is worth every bit of energy you put into it. Don't give up.
Take care,
mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#5674 - 04/15/03 01:31 AM Re: From now on...
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Hey, SP, get your butt back here.
There are a lot of us who are depending on you, too, you know. I've read some of your posts and with the difficulty you've had, and you can still give to the other guys, that's healthy, you know. So rant on, sling it good, we can take it and we're still going to be here for you. Ya, kinda like you've been here for us. I'm serious, now, don't make me come through this screen and hold you in place until you acknowledge that these guys are here for you, and maybe love you a little in the process.
Do you hear me? Am I clear? You count, and you're part of us, now. We're in this together.
We all are.
Your brother, David.

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#5675 - 04/15/03 04:02 AM Re: From now on...
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Sick Puppy get back here! You cannot live a lie trust me I know. I know that it is hard at times but please do not give up!!!!! You found use couse you wanted help and understanding. Please do not leave us because I need you. I value you more then you know, you are my brother don't leave.


Nathan


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#5676 - 04/15/03 08:03 AM Re: From now on...
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Guys, I am sorry. I posted this while confused and upset. I had been talking to a friend (pretty much the only friend that knows about the abuse) about how my sister did not believe that I had been abused, and I was saying that if I tried to tell her that she would think I was just looking for attention or pity.

My friend said, "Are you looking for pity?"

I know he did not mean anything by it other than it being a question but I took it the wrong way and started to withdraw, thinking that it was probably true and that I only spoke of my abuse because I wanted pity. I could not think of any other reasons.

At first I was just saying that I would keep it inside and not talk about it to anyone, but that progressed to active denial of it ever happening. I was making up stories in my head about what "really" happened to me as a child and they were all simple and happy-- things like "we were poor but all loved each other" and "my mother rocked me and sung to me." I quickly figured out, though, that in order to truly deny the past I would have to leave all the friends behind who already know about the abuse, which is basically just this guy and my partner, but I did not want to leave either of them behind... so I quit the act. I posted this while the act was still going strong... I was sure for a while that I could just go on living and pretend none of it had ever happened, and that would make me OK again.

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Top
#5677 - 04/15/03 09:31 AM Re: From now on...
zadok1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
One thing I learned here long ago is everyone here brings something to the party. Yes, I am doing better, but only because people here helped me figure things out some. I got a little from Dave, a little from Mike, a little from even some we have lost, and have learned from that loss. SP, you are one of many here who is struggling with this the best he can. Your posts are always open and honest, and even if things get mixed up or not understood, they in the end always get people thinking. You have posted some very inspired topics so donít let anything drive you off. Together we can learn and grow, and perhaps someday be healed of the scars life has placed on us.

As far as your friend, people who donít live this can come across as cruel or infuriating at times, but it is only because they are ignorant. Someone who hasnít endured this canít even comprehend, and even some who have are sometimes less affected by it, and still donít know. Let them roll off like water from a duckís back, and stick to what feels right. Youíll win every time if you are true to yourself, and the hell with the rest of the world.

Jeff

_________________________
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

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#5678 - 04/15/03 10:47 AM Re: From now on...
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Well, it was definitely not the fault of my friend. He is a good person. I just tend to automotically assume people mean the worst possible thing when they say something that can be interpreted in more than one way. :rolleyes:

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Top
#5679 - 04/15/03 12:47 PM Re: From now on...
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Glad to see you back posting and helping others. \:D We all have those moments...I call them "bumps in the road" . When we hit those bumps, our car jerks around and if we don't hold tight on our steering wheel and aim as best we can to make the car stay on the road; then our car could crash and we lose our journey to healing. If you keep going on and get your steering back...that moment only becomes a bump and not a disaster. Don't let the bumps throw you SP!! Keep on moving and you'll realize even more changes!! \:\)

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#5680 - 04/15/03 02:03 PM Re: From now on...
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Maybe sometimes the bumps are good 'cuz it reminds you to drive more carefully. \:\)

Today I feel more positive. Maybe it's because it is such a beautiful day. I have been thinking about the things I want to do before I move across the country in August, and one of the things I would like to do is confront my mother about my abuse. When I talk to her she sometimes teases me about what she did or makes vague references to it but we have never really spoken about it outright or the effects it had on me. I would like to give her a piece of my mind and then leave all that sh*t behind.

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Top
#5681 - 04/15/03 05:06 PM Re: From now on...
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Sp Mike here
Welcome back brother. Puppy dont put yourself down buddy. You take on an awful lot of blame that does not belong to you. And you certainly dont have to apologize to anyone here. We know where you are coming from.
Your friend just cannot understand the trauma that sa causes and in a way thank god he doesnt. I would not wish it on anyone except maybe every perp out there.
So keep posting and start to enjoy it here.
Ok little brother

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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