Hey guys !

I don't know if I am allowed or not here but being a survivor too, I am facing the same reality of fears, triggers, shame..
I have found an excellent book on the subject:

"The survivor's guide to sex" by Staci Haines.

Though the examples seem to be more addressed to female survivors it has really good exercises and advices of how to stay "present" during sex and how to deal and integrate triggers.

I have also read "Ghosts in the bedroom" (very good) but it is more of a general book to help partners. It has barely nothing on the sex issues.
In France I have been offered EMDR sessions by a sexologist(I hope it is the right word !)EMDR is apparently very efficient to deal and eliminate fears. I might be doing EMDR in a near future so I will let you know if interested.
I send you all my love, blessing and support. Do not despair, be proud of the men you are today and enjoy the intimacy and love you have found with your partners.
Caro
ps: who is a big fan of intimate sweet tender hugging in bed !!!!

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Le chemin qui me rapproche de toi est sûr même lorsqu'il débouche sur les océans (Reb Daber)

Some people see things as they are and say why ? I dream things that never were and say why not ? (Robert F.Kennedy)

Posts: 18 | From: Paris, France  |  IP: Logged | 

gryffindor

Member
MaleSurvivor
Member # 1083

posted
document.writeln(timestamp(new Date December 06, 2003 08:59 PM                      

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I am of the firm belief that the so-called treatment sent me into pre-mature menopause.
___________________________________________________________________________

Kolisha,

Are you male or female? How old are you? For women, menopause can start almost anytime. A lot of variables affect it. Stress is one, as you have said. Others are genetics and nutrition. There are probably more. A healthy friend of mine, whose life was quite stressful and still is, was finished with menopause at age 45. It doesn't seem to have slowed her down any, and it's been ten years!

Mary

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"Where there's a will, there's a way." American Folk Saying

"Had I not fallen, I could not have arisen; had I not sat in darkness, I would not have recognized the light." Midrash Tehillim Ch. 22

Posts: 76 | From: where the heart is  |  IP: Logged | 

Caetel
New Here
Member # 1502

posted
document.writeln(timestamp(new Date December 07, 2003 05:22 AM                      

Thanks Kolisha for the warning.I will enquire about that. It seems that there are different EMDR techniques used. France has always had a much stronger suspicion and care as regarding new medical technics so I am confident that the doctors using EMDR are not "charlatan" (please find the proper translation, it is Sunday morning and my English is gone !)
I have turned down hypnosis for the reason that I respect myself and the way I survived (through amnesia). I won't force myself to re-experience the abuse if my mind is no yet ready to survive that process. I know that I am NOT ready. I get partial memories back but they are scattered and traumatic.It takes weeks of somatizations and weeks to process them and recover.

Guys, please do let me know if the book I have recommended helped you or not !
Sexual fears and dysfunctions are the MAJOR consequences of sexual abuse. We are entitled to a full, fun and happy sex life !!!!!
Enjoy the day !
Love
Caetel

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Le chemin qui me rapproche de toi est sûr même lorsqu'il débouche sur les océans (Reb Daber)

Some people see things as they are and say why ? I dream things that never were and say why not ? (Robert F.Kennedy)

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The Team at MaleSurvivor

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