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#56399 - 04/21/04 09:16 PM Re: Need some advice - May trigger
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
How many people know? Everybody? Or Just someone in personnel that takes it upon themselves to announce this stuff?

If it all centers around one person, tell that person seriously that you do not want anything done, and to not tell the rest. Make that person KNOW that you mean it.

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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#56401 - 04/21/04 09:25 PM Re: Need some advice - May trigger
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
I dunno what to say other than grin and bear it and know that they mean well.

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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#56402 - 04/21/04 09:42 PM Re: Need some advice - May trigger
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1536
Loc: New Jersey
You could tell them its against your religion to celebrate birthdays \:D

You might have to grin and bear it, you could send out a memo but no one would listen probably. Just know that while your mother doesn't (didn't) care about you, your co-workers, not to mention all the people on this board especially me do care about you. Your a nice person deserving of a birthday party. Maybe you can celebrate your getting help for your SA. When people are singing Happy Birthday..you could just substitute in your head, Happy getting a hold on my sexual abuse day \:D . Ok, its a stretch but it looks like you don't have much choice, mind as well put a positive spin on it.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#56403 - 04/22/04 01:19 AM Re: Need some advice - May trigger
ShadowTraveler Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/09/04
Posts: 7
Loc: Los Angeles
That any mother could say such a thing to her child is an abomination. But as I always say, success is the best revenge. And taking joy in your very existence is the best success yet.

Forget that your family may have made you feel terrible about your birthday and instead relish the fact that your coworkers want to celebrate your birthday. They care (maybe some more than others) and know that I care and wish you a Very Happy Birthday!

Be strong.
___________
"Never measure the height of a mountain until you reach the top. Then you will see how low it was." - Dag Hammarskjold


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#56404 - 04/22/04 10:19 AM Re: Need some advice - May trigger
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Marc my mother told me so many times the only mistake she ever made was having me. Well screw her.

You said:

Quote:
How can I gracefully let them know that I don't want anything done? I sure as hell don't want to tell them why!
I think you should have a pot luck to celebrate that in spite of everyuthing you are passing another milestone and are going to share it with the people you work with. Enjoy it Marc it is your day.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#56405 - 04/22/04 11:21 AM Re: Need some advice - May trigger
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Marc,

My parents never said it in words but it was obvious that having me was an incredible burden for them. I think that was one of the biggest shams of my life. We had this TV family that looked so good from the outside, but with all of the criticism and arguing, it was evident that growing up in my family was an act of survival, much like a battle field. Birthdays were always big shows where family gathered to have a party, basically, not especially for me. It was only when my partner became involved in my life that things changed. I still have had some of the old feelings but I have grown to know that what this person is doing for me and others, is done out of love.
I think that Iím going to have to agree, that what these people do at work is one way to demonstrate that they want to do something in the way of celebrating one another. Most of my working life, Iíve tried to work for myself and Iíve always missed the camaraderie of office mates. I still have to struggle with how far I have or havenít come in my life, but the people in my life, now, always demonstrate that they are there for me.
This is a tough one, and I hope that you donít think that Iím making light of the situation.
So, with the rest here, and meaning it just for you, ďHappy Birthday, Marc, youíre a welcomed addition to THIS family!!!Ē

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#56406 - 04/22/04 01:46 PM Re: Need some advice - May trigger
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Birthdays come, and come, and come. It seems like I have one every year. ;\)

To the heck with what your mother said. A birthday is a celebration of YOU and has nothing to do with her.

I tend to enjoy my birthday, but don't care for any hoopla. Lord knows, I wasn't (key word - wasn't, past tense) worthy of any celebration. The biggest birthday celebration I ever had is the card, donuts, and signing of Happy Birthday at work. I have never had a party. I have never had my father say "Happy Birthday" to me or send me a card. He is just now acknowledging I am his son, he hasn't anybody left in his life so he wants to meet and connect with his kids. He had always told me that I am the milkman's son.

Celebrate your birthday as a celebration of yourself. An other anniversary of being here and being alive. To the heck with what others think, especially uncaring selfish people such as your mother.

Take care and have fun,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#56407 - 04/22/04 04:02 PM Re: Need some advice - May trigger
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Marc, I am really saddened to hear that your Mom said that, or that any of you men had something like that said to you. I used to get angry at the parents who say things like that. Now, I feel sorry for the parents, because I cannot think of a more glorious thing than to bring a child to life.

It is clear that we here are as happy as can be that you were born. You are a treasure in the eyes of your friends and brothers here.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#56408 - 04/24/04 10:51 PM Re: Need some advice - May trigger
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Marc - one of my friends has a 'mother'(?) who is an absolute ******* bitch. She apparently was reasonably OK until her husband died around 15 years ago - since then she has made everyones life hell! She has had loads of opportunities to enjoy life but prefers not too.

Marc - I don't know what the people are like that you work with, but if you do like them, why not go out with them for your birthday...it sounds like they want to CELEBRATE WITH YOU (they would probably want to do something to your 'mother' if they new the reality). Just go out as if it was a normal night out & not specifically your birthday if it helps.

My friend & his lovely wife (also a good friend of mine) used to invite his/her mother/father (wife dead) around for Christmas Day & she was just a total cow.

You cannot help who your parents are...you do have a choice with your friends.

My friend used to get really upset about his Mothers actions - he has now told her that she will become a really lonely old woman if she doesn't change her attitude.

You were born, you are alive!

*above all do what you feel is best... Best Wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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