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#56385 - 07/31/01 01:35 PM Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hello,
I have passed through whatever in the last three days with the wonderful help of you people and my Therapist. It helped to write here so much. I never share these thoughts until now. My Therapist actually called me in last night and spent over 2 hours with me. N/C Amazing.
I write however bcause being in a 12 step program I attempt to "turn it over" "let go and let God" with many of life's daily issues.
I had an AA acquantance reference my recent opening of my abuse issues as "pitty pot" and basically got some Nazi AA.
Also I recently just saw a reference to something similar here and went off. Inappropriately I might add. felt I was being silenced again! The reference was my conception..not the authors to whom I have since appologized.
Any comments are greatly appreciated as I have a flood of crying and anquish locked up tight.

Thanks

[ 07-31-2001: Message edited by: MichaelW ]

[ 07-31-2001: Message edited by: MichaelW ]

[ 07-31-2001: Message edited by: MichaelW ]


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#56386 - 07/31/01 03:06 PM Re: Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Michael,

This is not AA.

In my mind AA is about staying sober and finding ways to take away your own personal reasons for drinking. My time there was spent learning that,,, yeah, a bunch of bad stuff happened, but, it is not permission to get high or drunk, nobody owes me anything, feeling sorry for myself is not ok if i use it to give myself permission to get high or drunk, thats what i think of when i hear the term *pitty party*. People sitting in there hurts and thinking that somehow they are owed a binge because they got hurt, i think that is baloney and i dont see you doing that either.

Here, for me, its about giving the feelings a voice, i had so many lousy things happen to me and at the time i was not allowed to feel the losses or express the pain and the grief, now i choose to do that, cus i believe the tears need to be able to come out. It has nothing to do with getting high or drunk anymore for me.

Everyone is different, some people can get down to their feelings and feel them, let them get expressed and that is helpful, for others it is the beginning of a binge, only you know how it works for you.

You said it yourself,,,,

*I have a flood of crying and anquish locked up tight*

Same for me, and talking about it here helps get that poison out of my system, before it does any more damage.

I think your doing pretty darn good dude.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#56387 - 07/31/01 03:21 PM Re: Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Michael glad that you are feeling better.
There is support here, I remember when I found this place and how happy I was to be able to share with other survivors.

I have felt accepted here, and hope you feel the same too.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#56388 - 07/31/01 03:30 PM Re: Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Hey Mike,
My brains are as screwed up and still fuction as you can get but still felt that the people at SA and their 12 step thing were crazier than me. The thing is that they don't understand the added abuse thing and get freaked when you get into it. I can't see the god thing as they see it and try to project in on you. What if someone don't believe in their kind of god or HP...they think that you are nuts and try to comform you. God here as most know it in the western world is loseing ground to the eastern type of god....because when you talk to him "pray", he talks back!!!!! Anyone who didn't know a god and had to pick one...without out side help...who would he pick....someone who is one way and doesn't talk back or a god who talks to you like a therapist ??????? I'm the person standing there who has to pick one of the gods...I don't think that I want to listen to a bunch of drunks or sex perverts to help me make up my mine. I think the best thing to do is give them both a try...I have tried the western one...didn't get any drirect help that I could take note of, so I will try the other...good luck with the AA....I ran off from the SA...sucked toooooo hard!!!

Eddie


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#56389 - 07/31/01 04:11 PM Re: Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
Anonymous
Unregistered


Thanks so much everyone.... I think I have had my feelings validated. I realize I don't trust them myself. I felt the "pitty pot" AA concept was as John stated applicable to AA and drinking, NOT healing. I want to purge this from me as it comes. I am, I realize, pushing by re-reading "Victims No Longer" in it's entirety immediately. But..I want to know. I want to heal. I want to relate and feel I am not alone. This is my second opportunity in my life and they were 9 yrs apart. I choose today not to have another alcoholic "break" "escape".

Thank You all and I hope there are more comments.


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#56390 - 08/01/01 12:00 PM Re: Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
IVE BEEN DOING THE AA THING FOR THE PAST 3YRS AND WAS JUST TOLD TO DO THAT MAKE A DISICION THING, IT HAS BE COME A VERY BIG PROBLEM IN THIS AA PROGRAM STUFF, I FIND IT HARD TO JUST THROUGH TRUST IN THE POT WITH THESE DIFFERINT PEOPLE (AS I HAVE BEEN SEEING THEM LATELY) I HAVE NOT FOUND ANYBODY THAT IS LIKE ME IN THIS PROGRAM, IT IS HARD TO RELATE TO THIS CONCEPT THAT I AM RESPONSABLE FOR MY ALCOHOL PROBLEMS, I OFTEN THINK THEY ARE VERY SELF RIGHTOUS,BLIND,AND YES VERY SELFISH,TO SUGGEST THAT I HAD A CHOUCE( NEVER COULD SPELL THAT FUCKING WORD)IN HOW I WAS TO LIVE MY LIFE OR PICK MY EXCAPES, I DONT THINK THEY UNDERSTAND THAT AFTER AN 8YR OLD HAS BEEN BRUTLY RAPED HIS MIND IS SO TWISTED THAT AN IDEA OF LIFE OR LIVE IS ALL AND DISTROYED,YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY THINK A CHILD WOULD DO, I HAVE A SAYINGS THAT MAKES THEIR JAWS LOCK OPEN SO YOU CAN HEAR THE AIR BEING SUCKED BACK IN TO THEIR LUNGS TO KEEP THEM FROM PASSING OUT,( IF I KNEW WHAT I KNOW NOW, WHEN I WAS A LITTEL KID, THE OUT COME, ID HAVE FOUND A GUN AND BLOWN MY HEAD CLEAN OFF, AA CAN NOT COMPETE WITH A PAIN NOT OF THERE UNDERSTANDING, I HOPE GOD WILL GIVE ME WHAT I DONT DISERVE....THANKS


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#56391 - 08/02/01 04:40 PM Re: Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
michaelb Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
michaelW....i've tried sending you e-mail responses the last couple of days but they keep getting returned to me.....do you have another e-mail address?????? maybe your address was just down, i'll try again......mikedow24@hotmail.com


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#56392 - 08/03/01 01:08 AM Re: Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
jerunamuck Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/19/01
Posts: 22
Loc: Maine
Hay thunderbolt. "I HAVE NOT FOUND ANYBODY THAT IS LIKE ME IN THIS PROGRAM." Allow me to introduct myself. Sorry to hear your experience with the other drunks was less than welcoming. That's not my experience but then I don't talk about abuse with them because they don't seem to be able to cope with it. I kept getting those Deer-In-The-Headlights looks whenever I broached the topic. I found one other drunk who has a clue what we deal with. Of course he's a survivor too.

One thing I'm trying to learn, and this group seems like a good place to practice, is owning my feelings without judgement. Being a very judgemental person, I have trouble letting myself feel anything. I threw out the John Wane hand book but changing those habits is a little harder. I'll keep coming back HERE!


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#56393 - 08/07/01 09:23 AM Re: Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
Anonymous
Unregistered


I been thinking about this pitty party thing. My shrink was always asking me how old someone is when they do something. After like 3000 sessions I realized that I was doing alot of things like a kid would do. I think I was kind of locked in or stuck at how old I was when I was abused. I did alot of selfish things like a 13 YO boy would do. Is there a 13 YO boy anywhere who doesn;t think about only himself? Except that here I am an adult and I;m hurting people and doing what I want to do. And then I realized that it's time to act my age and grow up past that 13 Year old boy. I think when they way to release the inner child or whatever they mean to be happy like a kid but you can;t stomp all over people like a kid would do. Have fun like a kid but you have to be an adult too and for me that means being a husband and a father and a brother. I have to be those things in tha order. Just got to thinking, this might be kind of heavy.


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#56394 - 08/07/01 09:59 AM Re: Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
babs Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/01
Posts: 59
Loc: Cub Hill, MD
Sounds like a GREAT start to me. As the wife of a survivor, I've just started reading the "Six Pillars of Self-Esteem". The first is LIVE CONSCIOUSLY. Knowing why you/we made past choices seems the only way to ensure you/we make better choices for our futures. :p


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#56395 - 08/08/01 08:09 AM Re: Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
Anonymous
Unregistered


Thanks. I;ll look for that book. I life;s still a big flippin mess but alot of that;s my own fault. I can;t blame my past for everything. I was responsible for the bad choices I made. Me. Doug. No one else.


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#56396 - 08/16/01 12:43 PM Re: Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
Anonymous
Unregistered


I feel kinda bad. I spent some time with my kids, that;s why probably. I'm feeling sorrier for myself. I;m reading my posts from the past few weeks and don;t feel as confident as i did before but I feel better then I used to. We all have our ups and downs. someone said its like a roller coaster, it really is.


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#56397 - 08/16/01 02:50 PM Re: Confusion: Releasing Feelings vs. "pitty pot"
Anonymous
Unregistered


The Six Pillars isn't the only book by Nathaniel Branden, he's got a lot more. Great books for boosting self-confiedence. To live free from guilt.


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