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#5664 - 04/03/06 01:59 PM Re: Creating Safety, III: Nightmares (***** triggers in two examples*****)
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

Again, well done. This is how you feel so this is what you have to say. It is so important to be HONEST with ourselves. Recovery can't be built on any other basis.

We will all tell you, of course, that all these things were NOT your fault, and that would be true. But that would also be something else. The issue now is how you FEEL. Once that is out on the table then you can begin to look at it and ask the crucial questions about whether these feelings are accurate or not.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#5665 - 04/03/06 08:45 PM Re: Creating Safety, III: Nightmares (***** triggers in two examples*****)
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Adam, hang in there, and know that we're all here for you ok? Know that Jimmy loves you, and that he wants you to move on and live a decent life. Know that all of the horrible things that have happened were NOT your fault.

I think you made a very wise choice to talk about this, hard as it was (I can only imagine) to write it down! I think it would be a great asset for you to have a circle of friends, or just one friend at least, that you could confide in, that isn't just some text on a screen. Do you have ANY co-workers that you're tight with? I stongly suggest that you make or trust a friend that you can talk to in the same room rather than just come here, as good as all these guys are for eachother.

In looking at my past, I've come to realize that there were people that I could have confided with, and talked about issues that I was dealing with, (and still dealing with). I bet you could too!!


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#5666 - 04/03/06 11:18 PM Re: Creating Safety, III: Nightmares (***** triggers in two examples*****)
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Adam,

none of this is crazy, I dont think so and it certainly is not trash.
I can relate to the room not feeling real, and the idea that god just wants to stand and watch!

I taught my mind to scream back at the nightmares, and constantly did it in my thoughts.
It worked after so long of constantly trying to dispose of the demons in my sleep.

I would like you to think back to the accident in a safe place and be grounded.
You were only a little boy then on a farm which holds great hazards for young kids.

It would be your fathers responsibility to ensure his sons' safety on the farm, not blame you for the outcome of a situation he put you both in.

Flashbacks can be difficult to control, especially as they can fragment in nightmares, and totally confuse your emotions.

I think that you may be living in a state of grief with all that happened, but it is good that you talk it out here.

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#5667 - 04/03/06 11:51 PM Re: Creating Safety, III: Nightmares (***** triggers in two examples*****)
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

Can I ask you if you are still seeing that T you spoke of in the past? More than anything else, I think what you need is strong professional local support.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#5668 - 04/04/06 01:39 AM Re: Creating Safety, III: Nightmares (***** triggers in two examples*****)
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Adam,

I really have to concur with Larry on the need for professional support. It's not a thing to be ashamed of, but something that takes great courage to admit that you need help. If our car is broken, we take it to a mechanic. If our computer quits we go find a "geek" to work on it. If we have a broken ankle we go to the emergency room. It stands to reason that if our thinking has gotten messed up by some as**ole who abused us for his own gratification, there is no shame in going to counseling.

Hang in there, Bro.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#5669 - 04/04/06 02:49 AM Re: Creating Safety, III: Nightmares (***** triggers in two examples*****)
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

John's post makes me see that I should have been more precise. Going to see a T doesn't mean we are THAT fucked up; it means that what was done to us was THAT fucked up.

I was scared out of my wits the first time I went to a T. Now I look forward to our sessions and I can easily admit that mine is helping me SO much. It's great.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#5670 - 04/08/06 12:40 AM Re: Creating Safety, III: Nightmares (***** triggers in two examples*****)
nymij Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/29/06
Posts: 16
Loc: Dallas Metroplex
Adamn and all....

I'll share something that was shared with me when I was debating to see a T or not. I didn't listen to that person until 15yrs later... But, I now like others look forward to getting things out...

The quote: "going for help is brave!" "You are brave to face your fears and want to work through issues that only you know about." You are brave to want to get better, even though you may think your insane, and NO ONE will ever understand, and others will think your sick." You are brave!" "Don't stop going for help. Don't stop being brave."

- my thought -
I didn't understand truly what she meant until recently, and certainly did NOT feel brave when I started to go to T. And, I don't think that people who are not seeking help, are not brave. I think they are scared!

Also, I personally have a tendancy of "all or nothing" and go full speed ahead (like at recovery) then my mind hits the wall and I go onto overload. Then, I shut down and wait for my entire being to catch up to the pace of reading/writing/talking I've been doing. When I'm in that "dry" period of what seems to be not working on recovery, I can't help but think how much of a coward I am to not want to work on issues. In fact, that fact that is so not true. My mind simply needs to catch up to my brain (?).... So, don't think your a slacker if your on overload because you need a break. Take the break. But, come back!

Jim

_________________________
Phil 3:13

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#5671 - 04/08/06 11:26 PM Re: Creating Safety, III: Nightmares (***** triggers in two examples*****)
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jim,

This is an incredibly important post! Please, cut it out and show it to your T.

Your T can help you to limit the cycle of swerving, going full speed, and then hitting the wall. Mine has so often told me, "No, slow down, we still have more work to do here." She has ALWAYS been right!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
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