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#56133 - 07/20/03 02:16 AM My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
My term paper is all finished, my presentation is all complete and of course it will be presented in class on Monday 7/21. I've created a pdf file on my website with the paper and the presentation in it. If you want to read it, you are more than welcome to take a look at it. Even though you aren't all massage therapists, I know there is plenty that can be learned because it is actually about my journey to reclaiming healthy touch.

Look forward to hearing your thoughts after you read it.

Link: http://www.tropicalhands.com/school/emeralds/Research%20Paper/Reclaiming%20Healthy%20Touch.pdf

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#56134 - 07/20/03 03:20 AM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
WhyMe Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/03
Posts: 434
Don

Congratulations on a job well done!

Your paper is put together very well, is very informative, and easy to follow.

You presented a lot of things I didn't know, or never thought of before. It does sound like something we could all benefit from.

Good luck on your presentation Monday! ;\)

WhyMe


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#56135 - 07/20/03 02:32 PM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Thanks for your comments and it will give me a boost tomorrow when I give the presentation.

There is indeed so much to learn in all of this.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#56136 - 07/20/03 05:13 PM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Don - I just read your paper and need to congratulate you on your easy writing style (easy reading) and the dirth of knowledge you share in the paper. Your clinical de>
_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#56137 - 07/20/03 06:17 PM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Don. What can I say. Wow!!. I am really intersted in going down that road now.

Please let us know how the presentation went. I am going to look up your references and learn more about this topic.

P.S. What a gift you have for simple eloquence. ;\)

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#56138 - 07/20/03 07:37 PM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
chuck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 97
Loc: mid atlantic
Don,

I read your paper and it was helpful. I am working on healthy touch with my wife. I am trying to communicate to her what I am feeling by her touching me in a non sexual manner. Your paper helps me to understand why I am having difficulty explaining to her what my feelings are. I get upset with myself, because there are certain areas on my body I can't describe why I have no feelings, but your paper gives me some insights that I can share with my wife and my T.

Thanks.

Chuck


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#56139 - 07/20/03 08:31 PM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Thank you all so much for what you have said. I may print this out and take it with me so that I read it to myself before the presentation.

The book compassionate touch explains a lot and I think it is a great book. As soon as I get done with school, I want to reread the book (not taking notes this time) and absorb more of what is in it.

Once again, thanks guys for your comments. They truly make a differance with me on this.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#56140 - 07/20/03 08:55 PM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Don,

Thank you so much for so generously sharing your presentation with me. I've read it and intend to share it the next time I go for massageor physical therapy.

You are an excellent writer. Very good information, presented clearly and with compassion.

Your compassion and love is so evident in your sharing this with me and all the guys at MS. It's something I've never known much about.

I've had lots of physical therapy over the years, but have never able to be open and honest with the therapist, masseur to let him/her know about the trauma of sexual abuse.

Your presentation will be really useful for me when I start some body work for releasing the trauma of the abuse. I really need it.
And you just made it easier for me to find it.

It's kind of coincidental that I just started going through the 12 Step Program book by Timothy Sanders. He really advocates getting teams of people/resources to help survivors like me deal with the effects of child sexual abuse. He outlines 6 life areas that have been affected and need special attention.

Here's what he says for the Physical area:

"Physical: Licensed body or massage therapist, martial arts instructor, physical therapist....." "Establishing and strengthening the mind/body connection gives you the power and energy to do the work of Recovery in other Life Areas."

Sounds like a pretty important thing to work on, since it can affect how I am able to deal with the rest of my life.

This is one of the areas in which I have not been able to get much going on. All my resources go to doctors and medical people who are trying to kill diseases.

I think your work is also what I need, because it is about healing the body. The insight is really helpful!
What a great gift you are giving to your fellow students and faculty with this. By being willing to share your personal experience, you are giving the message about male sexual abuse in a way that few of us can.

I know that what you so courageously share in this paper has the potential to be of comfort and assistance to many other survivors.

Way to go, Don! Your success is already assured!

Tomorrow will be the victory lap!

With admiration and gratitude,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#56141 - 07/22/03 09:35 AM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
My presentation went very well. I got to be lucky and went first. Others in my class were not prepared well at all and went way over the time we were allowed. This made me look a little better as I hit the right amount of time and everyone was very moved by the presentation. Everyone was very quiet and speechless at the end. Hopefully this will translate into a very good grade.

Again, thank you all for your support and your comments. It really helps me because it is often hard for me to see the impact of a project like this. Some where along the way, I think I silence the voices when they tell me I did a good job. So your comments helped to awaken them and give them a much louder voice.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#56142 - 07/22/03 09:40 AM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Don.
It is great to hear how your presentation went. Does a lot for the old self esteem thing doesn't it. Times like this are to be cherished and believe me there will be plenty more to come.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#56143 - 07/22/03 06:40 PM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Don
It's so good to hear a Survivor sing his own praises, have faith and confidence in what he does.

How much of a contrast is that to the Don of a few years back ? I didn't know you then, but I would bet serious money that you didn't have the self esteem and self worth to say, and genuinly believe, such words as you say now.

Our past is never going to dissapear, our hurt will follow us. But we can become the master of that hurt.

Survivors like you show us all the way.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#56144 - 07/22/03 06:59 PM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Wow, me confident... hmmm,,,, really? wow... I still see me as being a scared me that just don't know when to stop taking risks. But maybe you all have a good point here.. I've got to try and lock this stuff in and see if my brain will absorb it.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#56145 - 07/22/03 07:46 PM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
Yay Don!

I have always looked up to your commitment and level of work. Nice job...

I do not mean to hijack the post, but I just realized, in regard to healthy touching, that I always feel like I want to be touched, but I am rarely comfortable when actually being touched. Except in a massage...hmmmm

Peace,
James

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#56146 - 07/23/03 01:14 AM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
James
I had to hunt for this post and finally found it again. Ugh!

I feel the same way about touch. As I said in my presentation last night, all my body knew was pain, hurt and rejection. It did not know what healthy touch was all about. I am getting much better at receiving touch but there are times even though I want touch, my body rejects it. I guess for me it is still a retraining issue. My abusers took so much away from me regarding touch, and I am bound and determined to get it back.

As soon as school is done, I will be going further with this personally and professionally because I realize that my healing now needs to come from within the body. I've worked on the "mind" all these years, but have neglected the body. Time for that to change now.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#56147 - 07/23/03 07:14 AM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Don,

Your journey through life and what you've shared along the way here on the forums has been encouraging to me. Through all the ups and downs. It's great to see a survivor building (re-building?) his life along lines of his choosing!

I've read your paper and plan on sharing it with a cousin, a massage therapist. I suspect she may share it with some of her clients who are survivors. It really helps to have the "touch" boundaries and possible triggers and mind/body connections written in black and white.

So you left them speachless... wow, what a tribute and validation for you Don.

jer


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#56148 - 07/23/03 08:41 AM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Don,

Thank you for a great perspective. Your paper is certainly consciouness expanding, and viewpoint that would be valuable to anyone who practices this art and science.

I think it should be included in some type of medical journal, though I really don't know much about such things.

Congratulations on bringing important knowledge and praxis to the world.

Also, regarding "finding a recent post", for those who are not aware, on the MaleSurvivor Discussion Board" page (see above) there is a url called "Active topics". If you click on that it will take you to a list of current topics being discussed, over the last day or two. I like this function because it makes it easier to follow recent additions to new threads.

Thanks again Don

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#56149 - 07/25/03 12:43 PM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I have had other instructors at school wanting a copy of the paper because word is getting around about the subject. And ones that are reading it, are loving it. They have pretty much shared the views that I have read here.

Ok, one of my survivor traits about myself is that I don't see the good I do when I do things. I merely thought this was a paper but didn't really believe I captured everything I wanted to and so I downplayed it in my mind, thinking it isn't that great. Part of it, I thought I'm not really giving any information that can't be put together by anyone so it is no big deal. So I played these negative tapes over and over and over.

But you know what something funny is happening. When I got done with the presentation, everyone honored me by clapping for several minutes and many people in my class not only gave me hugs, but gave me some very nice and sincere compliments. ON top of that, several instructors wanted a copy and have heard about my presentation and after reading it, said "that is your passion in life". Then I've heard the comments here about the impact it had. One friend of mine in class said "you know, I've never thought about any of this stuff in the way you presented it and now I will at least be aware of it".

So I guess if popular opinion says one thing and my negative tapes say another, than I need to really look at how I view what I do. I know all my life, I've had the negative tapes and I never did anything that was good enough when I was a kid. But just maybe the ones that were fuk'd up wasn't me, but it was my father, my brother, the church.

And this message rings loud and true for what I am going into. Because I often think my massages are so so, nothing great and yet I think I am doing the same thing that I did with this paper. Downplaying the entire thing with negativity. I'm getting more and more scared as we are almost done with school and we will be out in the real world. And what I think I have to do is believe in myself if 10 out of 10 people believe in me, than maybe I'm listening to the wrong voices.

I think this paper has served as a wake up call and said, hey there Don, you don't do things half way, and you aren't doing a sloppy job and you really do a great job and have an impact in life on others. Maybe I should just start listening to that. So when I go into my student clinic tomorrow, I'm going to try and remember the lesson of this paper and that is to believe that I am much better than what my father, brother and the church told me was when I was a kid. What a concept! What a thought!

I am so glad everyone shared what you did here because I might have gone on believing that this was just something that wasn't much of anything.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#56150 - 07/25/03 03:00 PM Re: My term paper - Reclaiming Healthy Touch
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Don

Quote:
Part of it, I thought I'm not really giving any information that can't be put together by anyone so it is no big deal. So I played these negative tapes over and over and over.
Am I ever with you on this--you are strummin' my pain, dude. The truth is, that sure anybody could take the same info you gathered, but not everyone could synthesize the info into a remarkable, quoteable piece of information such as you did. That's called YOUR "style".

Your work is not "better than", but just as good as the next effective "teachable moment" coming down the pike. It is worthy of the world's attention, because it raises our consciousness and therefore our understanding of this art and science, at the same time enriching all of our lives.

Isn't it great to not have to be neither less than nor greater than, but simply be "able" to contribute the best we have to offer.

You got it brother, in a big way. Good luck with future work, theoretical and practical.

Ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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