Here is a copy of an email my friend who helped me through all this. I sent a Thanks you email and this was his reply. I think he did save me some $$$$$ in therapy to be honest. I read this email almost daily thanking God that I have someone that I have known for 24+ years and never new why we really became so close until a few weeks ago.


Re: The love of a friend


No need to thank me and there’s nothing wrong with being mushy; through my tough guy exterior I’m actually the biggest pussy… I think having gone through what we’ve both gone through, you build a wall and image of being tough just to make sure everyone knows you’re a bad ass and not some weak fragile person that can be taken advantage of…



This was a club neither of us chose, it chose us. I spent years of doubt and questioning my own manhood and sexuality, it wasn’t the fact that I thought a was a homo but more the fact that I thought other people would think I was, so if I kicked someone’s ass every now and then, it validated the fact that I was a “Man”, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that a real “Man” doesn’t need to prove to everyone he’s a man, it was the insecurity that was killing me…



When someone goes through what we did, you get fucked up in the head and everything is about sex… there is this weird switch that goes off in your head after your innocence is stolen from you… We can’t take it away, but we can make sure it doesn’t happen to our kids (because we know the signs); we can learn from it, talk about it and finally let it go…



Like I said last night, once we admit it and accept that it wasn’t our fault and we did nothing wrong, it takes away the power and pain and allows us to be the Man and husband our wife’s love, married and deserve, it allows us to be the fathers our kids deserve, and most importantly allows us the opportunity to like who we see in the mirror…



There, I just saved you thousands of dollars in therapy… =)

_________________________
I truely believe the pain made me stronger now I want to let the healing make me softer- Never Stop-Never-Quit-Always Care