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#56102 - 07/28/06 05:35 PM just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
just forget evrything i put here
nothing fucking mattrs

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

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#56103 - 07/28/06 05:43 PM Re: just forget it
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sounds like another one of those "Oh, just fuck it all" days. It's the most normal thing in the world to have them Trev, especially when a guy has been working as hard as you have.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#56104 - 07/28/06 05:52 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ya fuck it all
i dont wanna do this anymore
fuck this whole dam thing
working? fuck that all i
been doing is complaining
like a little bitch
im done
im fucking done
IM FUCKING DONE
I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS
SHIT I FUCKING HATE IT

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56105 - 07/28/06 06:15 PM Re: just forget it
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev,

Quote:
like a little bitch
Actually, like a very angry and very hurting survivor. You deserve to say every word of that and more. Good for you!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#56106 - 07/28/06 06:17 PM Re: just forget it
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
trevor?

this is good to share your anger

without being though a bitch myself -
or trying to

one of the aims my therapist then taught me

once he helped me see the value of venting

and my right and prerogative to vent


he then started to help me

see how i could take that anger and stuff

and put that all

to putting me further on my daily life -

learning to express anger -

learning then how to put it away - when needed -

to recoup - when needed to do something out of that context -

you are doing good work here Trevor -

I just have one concern -

when you get angry and vent -

does it help?

I hope so - I mean - even if temporary -

- pax

m

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#56107 - 07/28/06 06:23 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
i dunno if it helps
i do know that my sistr is gonna
be pissed when she gets home
cuz i broke another window
and her computer
and all her pictures that
she had on top of the tv
and her favorite vase


_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56108 - 07/28/06 06:26 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
and WHATEVER
u shouldnt all be so
nice to me!

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56109 - 07/28/06 06:36 PM Re: just forget it
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sorry Trev - goes with the territory. ;\)

Yes, Sarah will be pissed. Why shouldn't she be? You being angry doesn't cancel out her right to have nice things in her home.

But the up-side of this is that she loves you and she will understand. Those feelings aren't touched by broken "things".

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#56110 - 07/28/06 06:38 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ur PISSING me off larry

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56111 - 07/28/06 06:41 PM Re: just forget it
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
let's see. in those early days i claimed, a monitor, a popcorn maker, many holes in the wall, a few holes in doors, and the list could go on and on. i always regretted after,but it is too late after. all you can do is accept what comes from it, and try to make it right.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#56112 - 07/28/06 06:49 PM Re: just forget it
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Trev, your life is gonna matter more to you when you're a little older, and it's good that you're trying to deal with this now rather than ignore it. And I gotta give you credit, you're crass, bitter, ill-mannered, violent, and short-tempered, \:\) , but at least you're not ignoring your problems like I tried to do when I was your age. I WISH so badly that I was at your stage of recovery when I was your age. You have much to be hopeful for!

And please hold on to that hope, no matter how slim it feels, because you have more going for you right now than I do, because you'll soon be in a position to start out in your (very soon to be) adult life, more functional and able to deal with the real world.


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#56113 - 07/28/06 06:53 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
well damn u all this would be
SO much Fucking easier if u
would all just hate me and
tell me to fuck off and get lost!

um sorry \:\( i dont meen to be
like this

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56114 - 07/28/06 07:01 PM Re: just forget it
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
See? You are a good guy. Everything that's ever been done to you matters. Everything that's ever been done to all of us matters.

Take care, Trevor.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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#56115 - 07/28/06 07:04 PM Re: just forget it
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I WOULD tell you to fuck off if you beat me at my favorite video game (couldn't happen) or if you cut me off on the highway, but not for just being yourself here at this DB. You have a unique sense of humor and I can't be offended by it. \:\)

Trev, do you have goals? Do you plan on getting out of your house as soon as you're 18? How are your grades? Will you be able to attend college once you're out of High School? Could you please fill us in on what you plan on doing?

I just stumbled through life growing up, and I never set those important goals. Please don't make the same mistakes I made.


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#56116 - 07/28/06 07:11 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
what video game?

goals? i dunno.
i hafto get my ged cuz i didn't
finish high school cuz i couldnt so
i hafto do that first.
i did ok in school when i was there
till the last year then i just skipped
and smoked lotts of pott then i tried
killing myself and couldnt go back
my sistrs husband lets me work with him
anytime i want to make money and i
have some saved. a couple of my
friends wanna get a place 2 gethr
when we're 18 so ya i wanna get out
of here like the day i turn 18. but
then i hafto get a real job and
that will suck. i could keep riding
my dirtbike and i can make money doing
that if i win but rite now its
busted cuz i dumped it at the last
race. college? i dont think so.
and what do u care anyways?

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56117 - 07/28/06 07:28 PM Re: just forget it
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Close Combat 3. You wouldn't like it Trev, it's not a game where you run around and just blow people's heads off. This game requires a little strategy, you probably couldn't handle it. \:\)

My major concern for you is the potential to waste many years that could otherwise be used to help you progress in life, rather than just "getting by" and just "getting a job". It's my hope that you won't follow that same pattern that I did, because it really sucks when you look back in your life, as I am doing right now, and seeing all those wasted years. Don't waste your years Trev, set some goals!

Hey! Just thought of this, check out your local community college's job training courses. I recently took a job training course myself. http://grcc.edu/?PageID=32
http://grcc.edu/?PageID=2642

With this program, I'v landed an Intern position at a prestegious non-profit foster care facility, and I now have a chance to make a career for myself, and it's something that I can be proud of doing and get a certain level of satisfaction in it.

So, if college is not for you, check out a local job training program offered by a community college in your area. You won't regret it.

Why do I care? You're the only one on this DB that makes me laugh that's why.


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#56118 - 07/28/06 07:36 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
wait did u call me crass, bitter,
ill-mannered, violent,
and short-tempered before?
ru sure thats all? think about it
there mite be more to add to that
list!
and i probly couldnt handle it?
a video game?
what make u think i just
like games wher i run around and
blow ppls heads off?
u can kiss my ass :p i would
beat u at that game in a second!
goals schmoals! who ru my mothr?
oh no if u were her youd be trying
to get in my pants thats rite.
im just joking
i do have goals. first one is to
get the ged like i said.
aftr that ill get a job and get
out of here then i can figure out
what classes to take so i can get
a real job aftr that.
i wouldnt mind something with working
with planes like fixing them or even
flying. i dunno yet.
i dunno i say no college but who
knows like a yr or 2 from now maybe
ill change my mind.

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56119 - 07/28/06 07:40 PM Re: just forget it
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev,

Hauser has some good ideas for you - the kinds of things you will be thinking about further on down the road. The point is this: Whatever is happening now and however bad things look, you DO have a future.

Interesting question: "What do you care anyways?" An even more interesting answer: "Why shouldn't we care?"

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#56120 - 07/28/06 07:42 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
is that a trick question?

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56121 - 07/28/06 07:47 PM Re: just forget it
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Yes, of course it is. ;\) Think about it.

L.

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#56122 - 07/28/06 07:51 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
well most of the time ppl
dont just care cuz they care
its usualy cuz they want
something

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56123 - 07/28/06 07:57 PM Re: just forget it
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Trev,

That's how it feels sometimes, yes. But in reality you are a great guy with a lot of guts when it comes to facing these things. Good sense of humor too!

People care here because YOU are worth caring about.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#56124 - 07/28/06 07:59 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
im not great and its
not a sense of humor
its just being sarcastic

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56125 - 07/28/06 08:05 PM Re: just forget it
Itsback Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/06
Posts: 112
Loc: New Mexico
"well most of the time ppl
dont just care cuz they care
its usualy cuz they want
something" Posted Trevor

What could anyone that has been through what we have possibly want to gain? Cept maybe some understanding themselves and the gift of Understanding others..

Fight the good fight

_________________________
I truely believe the pain made me stronger now I want to let the healing make me softer- Never Stop-Never-Quit-Always Care

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#56126 - 07/28/06 08:11 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ya thats true

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56127 - 07/28/06 08:14 PM Re: just forget it
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
trevor - i am with larry -

have you ever heard of the idea of undermining yourself?

the negative stuff - it's like the voice of the abuse - it's telling you it's bigger than you

it's NOT

there's a lot of confusion about everything i am sure -

and acting out - with anger - having those feelings is natural - it's ok

it would be odd not to be angry - eh?
it might be odd to not be thrown for a freakin' loop and wonder which way is up

i mean for pete's sake

sometimes i feel like a pork chop in a synagogue
totally un like anything around me - !

keep on keeping on trev - (hugs)

smiles bud

mgb

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#56128 - 07/28/06 08:16 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
\:\)

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56129 - 07/28/06 08:19 PM Re: just forget it
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
\:\)

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#56130 - 07/28/06 08:36 PM Re: just forget it
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I care trevor and you just saved me 5 months of therapy just by reading your posts (that is humor)
it is good to get angry better if no one gets hurt when you are angry.

hugs trevor

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#56131 - 07/28/06 08:42 PM Re: just forget it
Trevor Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
ya i get that \:\)

_________________________
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

Top
#56132 - 07/28/06 08:47 PM Re: just forget it
Itsback Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/18/06
Posts: 112
Loc: New Mexico
Here is a copy of an email my friend who helped me through all this. I sent a Thanks you email and this was his reply. I think he did save me some $$$$$ in therapy to be honest. I read this email almost daily thanking God that I have someone that I have known for 24+ years and never new why we really became so close until a few weeks ago.


Re: The love of a friend


No need to thank me and there’s nothing wrong with being mushy; through my tough guy exterior I’m actually the biggest pussy… I think having gone through what we’ve both gone through, you build a wall and image of being tough just to make sure everyone knows you’re a bad ass and not some weak fragile person that can be taken advantage of…



This was a club neither of us chose, it chose us. I spent years of doubt and questioning my own manhood and sexuality, it wasn’t the fact that I thought a was a homo but more the fact that I thought other people would think I was, so if I kicked someone’s ass every now and then, it validated the fact that I was a “Man”, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that a real “Man” doesn’t need to prove to everyone he’s a man, it was the insecurity that was killing me…



When someone goes through what we did, you get fucked up in the head and everything is about sex… there is this weird switch that goes off in your head after your innocence is stolen from you… We can’t take it away, but we can make sure it doesn’t happen to our kids (because we know the signs); we can learn from it, talk about it and finally let it go…



Like I said last night, once we admit it and accept that it wasn’t our fault and we did nothing wrong, it takes away the power and pain and allows us to be the Man and husband our wife’s love, married and deserve, it allows us to be the fathers our kids deserve, and most importantly allows us the opportunity to like who we see in the mirror…



There, I just saved you thousands of dollars in therapy… =)

_________________________
I truely believe the pain made me stronger now I want to let the healing make me softer- Never Stop-Never-Quit-Always Care

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