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#55953 - 12/25/06 03:18 PM Re: Coming to terms with rape possible **** Triggers ****
Cooljule Offline
Member

Registered: 08/10/06
Posts: 69
Loc: New Jersey
you are a threat to them

_________________________
Come heal with me

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#55954 - 12/25/06 05:07 PM Re: Coming to terms with rape possible **** Triggers ****
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Hello Julian,
Thanks. I will defeat them. Next year I am doing a hiking holiday in the USA in one of the national Parks.

I prefer camping out in the wilds. I will not allow fear to rule me.

Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#55955 - 12/25/06 05:37 PM Re: Coming to terms with rape possible **** Triggers ****
Cooljule Offline
Member

Registered: 08/10/06
Posts: 69
Loc: New Jersey
we are having a retreat in cal in march...check it out...Happy Trails

Julian

_________________________
Come heal with me

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#55956 - 12/25/06 06:50 PM Re: Coming to terms with rape possible **** Triggers ****
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
I am also a bit scared for next year as my counselling begins. Will I have to reveal it all in graphic detail?

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#55957 - 12/25/06 08:01 PM Re: Coming to terms with rape possible **** Triggers ****
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
No, just say what you are comfortable with, thats all will happen,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#55958 - 12/25/06 08:45 PM Re: Coming to terms with rape possible **** Triggers ****
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Duncan,

Welcome to our group of friends here. I'm so sorry of the reason you're here, but glad you found us.

If your counselor is a true professional, You'll only have to reveal as much or as little as you are ready to reveal.

Having said that, it is a good thing for a person to talk (in a safe environment) about the things that happened, but only as they are ready too. Your counselor or "T" will be your best resource for helping you through that process.

I have found that if I don't tell it all, it festers inside and leaves me in a mess, but when I talk about things here, or in therapy, or in private conversations with trusted friends, I am able to get it all out in the open where it can be seen and dealt with, processed if you will.

The important thing is for you to take your time and to take care of you.

I wish you good things in the coming year.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#55959 - 12/25/06 09:31 PM Re: Coming to terms with rape possible **** Triggers ****
Kirk Wayne Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/05
Posts: 499
Loc: Shrewsbury UK
Duncan

You may not realise it but you have done the hardest thing of all, you have disclosed to us and that takes great courage and more than just a bit of trust. I often say when talking about my abuse that it did not take much courage I looked upon it as a nessesity as I had three options, drink myself to death, try suicide again or go insane either through drink or drugs.

I felt I had knowhere left to run I had runout of places to hide inside my mnind, I was making life hell for my wife so I had to tell someone, unbeknown to me in 1985 I first disclosed to the woman I now regard as my adopted mother whilst I was steaming drunk, I conciously perted someinformation to my future wife to see how she would react and when drunk once gain i came out with the first real disclosure after watching a television programme that featured my most well known abuser. I then clammed upabout it again until 1997 when a well known UK pop start was jailed for downlaoding indecent images of kids.

I had been clean and sober for about 18 months so I had nothing to fall back on oblivion was no longer an option as I had just started university as a mature student, I smoothered my triggers and flashbacks with my studies but it eventually wore me down and just prior to sitting my final year exams I read in The Guardian newspaper an interview my original abuser had given to a journalist whilst in pranac prison in the Czech republic he had been convicted of running a paedophile ring and running a CP production company. I caved in emotionally and the only option left open to me was to spill the beans .... thank god I did (and I am by no means a religious person) as it was then that I started to recover. As far as recalling everything I could it had to be done so the police could build a solid case against my abusers so in some ways when I had to divulge all the crap in counselling it was a lot easier than I think it would have been if I had to start telling "cold". Counselling was hard but I would not have swaped it for anything as the pros far outweigh the cons. I dont usually do advice but I say this find a counsellor that YOU feel you are able to trust and talk with do not be fobbed off by any old Tom, Dick or Harry.

Take it easy

Kirk
"Lets grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit"


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#55960 - 12/25/06 09:37 PM Re: Coming to terms with rape possible **** Triggers ****
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Duncan,

Kirk gives some good advise. Make sure your "T" aka therapist is someone you can trust and relate to. Anything else is not being fair with yourself.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#55961 - 12/25/06 09:47 PM Re: Coming to terms with rape possible **** Triggers ****
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
John, this peasant country means you get whats available if you can get it at all.
There is more available to women and kids, but its like gold dust trying to find a therapist unless you pay, or start hurting yourself.

We are the largely silent third world, :rolleyes:

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top
#55962 - 12/25/06 10:07 PM Re: Coming to terms with rape possible **** Triggers ****
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Hi everyone
and thank you once again. In away this has been therapy and I could not have done it alone. I really hate what is going through my mind.

*** Trigger Warning ***

So here goes..... The two "monsters" forced me to suck their cocks one at a time whilst the other rubbed mine and tried to get me hard( I hate this...) the only taste in my mouth was stale urine and i cannot get rid of it...... then they took it in turn to fuck me and all the time they said horrible things to me.

They made me ejaculate and told me that i must of enjoyed it as i have cum. They then started "fucking" me again to see if they could get me to cum agin(I so hate myself)

I have tried suicide on numerous occasions the last one the police got involved and i ended up telling them.........

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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