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#55848 - 06/06/05 07:25 PM Re: New person post, may trigger
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
Quote:
Originally posted by VN:
Thank you to everyone who answers me. I really read that you speak. It is difficult to trust this, which - not I, which made incorrectly, that it - something she made. It - not mother who visits tomorrow, it is sister. I want conversation with her it, I do not know as. I have no one of the friend here to transfer it, I use the computer translator. It is silly, not directly.

VN
V,

I think I understand this.

You are saying that it is still hard to believe that your mother did something wrong.

You still think that what happened when you became a teenager and then a man was your decision, your responsibility.

No, V. A mother does not teach her son to be with women. Not like that. That is not a mother's job.

A mother teaches her son to respect women; how to treat women; maybe how to dance with a woman; NOT how to be with a woman.

V, this is very difficult. You will feel bad to think bad and wrong things of your mother. You might feel very bad, like a very bad son, but you are not a bad son, or a bad person.

Your mother was wrong and she was bad. NOT YOU. You know this. You can forgive her maybe someday, but you will not let this happen again.

Yes, anything you did was your choice, but it was not really much of a choice for you. It was what you were taught your whole life. Now you can see it is wrong and you can stop all of it.

I know it is easier to think that you did the things you wanted to do. It is easier to think that you were bad or wrong because it hurts too much to think that someone so important was bad and wrong and taught you wrong things.

And it hurts to think that they tricked you and lied to you and made you think that those things are OK and they made you think you had no other choices.

Now you are a man, and I know you are a good man because you have some very good people who are your friends.

And now you have many more friends here who will be here for you and help you in any way we can.

Thank you for coming here, V. You make us stronger and better. Let us do the same for you.

Donald

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#55849 - 06/07/05 01:35 AM Re: New person post, may trigger
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Thanks is more, for others, adequate, to what I speak here. Again, I regret from the translator, I know, that it is better to ask the friend doing it, but there is no that here now. I do not speak no more with my father. My mother, she will name me once or two times in two years with which I am here then now she continues to call for two weeks, I speak it to forget telephone number, I shall never want conversation with it no more. ALSO, I name her even bad glory, I yell in it, she still calls for me. She speaks, that I need and I want from it. My sister, she arrives here today, she - here first time now for visiting, and I am happy, but also and, I feel something, that I do not know. She has no, speaks anything to me, that I speak parents, she still lives in city with them, still speaks the some people with them. I feel strange in me, that she sees me, I am excellent, that she does not want me as the brother no more, and I lose family. And even I have friends, they are good friends, I feel the some people, I am one in family. I have more damaged in a body today, it does always me to think more than things. It is possible to sleep tonight, we shall see tomorrow as it is good day. I only feel, that I am wrong in my brain tonight.

VN


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#55850 - 06/07/05 03:14 AM Re: New person post, may trigger
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
V,

I think your mother is calling so much recently because she is afraid. She is afraid that you will say things to your sister. So your mother tries to convince you that you want and need. Again she tries to control you so you will do what she wants.

I understand it was a difficult day to be thinking about these things when your sister is coming. You do not know what she will say or think. You do not know what your mother and father have said to her.

Be strong V. If your sister wants to talk, tell her the truth. If she doesn't believe you then that is her decision, but still she will know the truth.

If she doesn't want to talk about these things, then just be a good brother to her and enjoy the visit with her.

But do not let her speak for your mother or father. Do not let your parents use your sister and your loyalty to control you or make you feel guilty. Your parents must speak for themselves. They must answer for what they have done.

I hope I am wrong and your sister is coming just to see you.

Best wishes for tomorrow. I hope this visit is wonderful and you have a good time.

Donald

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#55851 - 06/07/05 02:57 PM Re: New person post, may trigger
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
V. What your mother did was abuse and it has continued and that is a fact. You were trained like a rat. The confusion felt by many is: How do I try and love and please my mother as a son and at the same time she does this to me that I know is wrong. V she had no right at all to force this on you.
I am glad that you have broken contact with her. I think it will be good for you to see your sister. There may be an opportunity for you to speak about this but only you can decide if the time is right.

Always remember that you have great friends to lean on.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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