Newest Members
Anony_mous, Drew6991x, Miro, jj843, The Abyss
12364 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
40035 (55), Brayton (60), DavidJ (65), Grout (29), JJM33 (43), RockyMtJoe (66)
Who's Online
6 registered (Obi, Mike26, Don Laufersweiler, CCDC, LPC, HD001, 2 invisible), 22 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12364 Members
74 Forums
63541 Topics
443935 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#55774 - 07/21/03 02:27 AM LIFE--TO MY FELLOW YOUNG SURVIVORS AND THE WISE ELDERS
one_day_at_a_time Offline
Member

Registered: 01/03/03
Posts: 42
Loc: North Carolina
Sometimes life is funny. How it brings you full circle back to the same problems again and again and again. I know what that feels like because i deal with it alot. But as time goes on, the more full circle I come the more I am able to deal with the problems. Sometimes I think that I will never get over my abuse--and sometimes I dont know if I should, if I should always remember it and keep it with me---but I dont know.

As a teenage male--I feel lost alot--simply because I question everything in my life and thats ok to do---"normal" (i am using quotes here for a reason) young men question their sexuality, their religion, their lives, their selves, and they are trying to figure out who they are too. And I have to do all of that and deal with my SA stuff too. Sometimes its over whelming but I know that i have to deal because if i give up then i will be the loser in the end. So now I just go on questioning everything about myself and I dont know when it is going to end. Im slowly starting to get answers. But who knows when it will end. This post is kinda for any of my fellow younger brother wolves---but if the older alpha males ( I know there is only one in a pack but I tihnk we have a few here) want to chime in then be my guest..

A good night to all and all my love and support to my fellow brothers in this fight.

1 DAY

_________________________
I found God

now I just need to find myself

Top
#55775 - 07/21/03 12:28 PM Re: LIFE--TO MY FELLOW YOUNG SURVIVORS AND THE WISE ELDERS
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
1 Day

Sometimes I feel that I should never have likened us to a wolf pack because of all the contraversy around it. I dont think that there are any alph males here.
I know we have leaders and they are the Board of Directors and all who particpate in all the business around this site. I do think that we all take turns as an alpha when we post somethimg new.

Now you have a valid point in what you say about being a teenager. You got a hell of a lot on your plate as do all teenagers. But my brother you have nothing but admiration from this old guy for actually doing it all and reovering too. When I was your age things were a hell of a lot simpler but not better. I have a 22 year old daughter and am blown away by her abilities to deal with stuff on the scale that are dished at you.

I knew all about my abuse and buried it for over 40 years and that played havoc with my life and self image. I thought it was no big deal. Boy was I wrong. All my life I have questioned all the things you are now dealing with and it brought me to the brink on several occasions.

It is refreshing to see younger alphas taking the steps early in your life which will enable you to enjoy a healthy and happy life. Living it and not just passing through. I think I speak for all old grey wolves in this regard.

Your stories in the future will be, I know, filled with all the joys and successes that so rightly deserve.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

Top
#55776 - 07/21/03 01:29 PM Re: LIFE--TO MY FELLOW YOUNG SURVIVORS AND THE WISE ELDERS
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hello I Day,

You may be a teenager, but you have a level of maturity and insight that will help you a lot. It makes you able to rely on yourself a lot.

I am not certain, but I think we should never forget our SA. It must not cripple us. But it is good for making us want to educate others and advocate for the safety of smaller kids and even, teens.

The reality of coming back to past experiences are a real bother at first. But, eventually, as they happen, we know better how to handle them. They lose lots of their power.
In my experience, I have given up on the idea that the day comes when it is all really over. But, what I have experienced is that I can more often figure out what brought them back, and also, what to do about them.

Don't puke 1 Day, but it is true that you did nothing to cause any of the sa, and it has not changed you in your essentials. You are not ruined. You have the intellect and personality that you always had. You have the build you had, so you may be athletic or not. Your inner spirit has been changed, but much of the rest of you has not been. I often forgot that.

As you mentioned, as a tenn you have all those adolescent developmental tasks. Compounded now, by SA. You may have to work a little harder to feel comfortable with your sexuality. But I hope you can enjoy this time of your life as it is meant to be enjoyed.

You are begining to discover, and enjoy, that you are you. You are not just your parents son. You have your own feelings and opinions, you experience some interdependence--you need your parents and they need you, but you are begining to realise that you can do a lot more for yourself that you used to. The changes in your body are interesting and exciting. You are choosing what you believe, what you accept as loral or not, you are developing your own system of values. And you are experiencing that you have some control of relatonships, that before just happened. Now you can make things happen. You are developing your character.

Don't miss one second of the joy of this time in your life, even if part of that is also to have questions and concerns and responsibilites that are new.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

Top
#55777 - 07/21/03 04:31 PM Re: LIFE--TO MY FELLOW YOUNG SURVIVORS AND THE WISE ELDERS
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
1 day

The term circling that you use leads only to a groove, leads to a rut, leads to a grave.

In your wisdom you are describing a spiral, the only real way out.

Keep pressing onward, ever upward.

You are dealing with the normal stuff all people have to deal with, and as you say, then some.

To be aware of this now at your age is priceless. The eon is unfolding in a marvelous way, and you will not have to wait for decades to reap your justice. It is here and now, yours for the receiving.

I hope you consider making MS part of your life's work, because we, young and old alike, need the wisdom of such as yourself.

Peace and eternal gratitude for your voice,

Ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#55778 - 07/21/03 08:20 PM Re: LIFE--TO MY FELLOW YOUNG SURVIVORS AND THE WISE ELDERS
Green Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/03
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC, NY
As a new member to this board and an elder, but definitly not wise, it is comforting to see other board members who are around my age. If feels good not be alone.

Green


Top
#55779 - 07/22/03 07:12 PM Re: LIFE--TO MY FELLOW YOUNG SURVIVORS AND THE WISE ELDERS
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Welcome Green, we're a mixed bunch of guys here for sure. But we all have the same goal of shifting the crap our abuser left us with.

Stick around, share your wisdom - I'm sure you have something to add - and enjoy the support and help the guys here give so freely.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#55780 - 07/22/03 09:13 PM Re: LIFE--TO MY FELLOW YOUNG SURVIVORS AND THE WISE ELDERS
Green Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/03
Posts: 115
Loc: NYC, NY
Thanks Dave. I'll do my best.

Green


Top
#55781 - 07/22/03 09:43 PM Re: LIFE--TO MY FELLOW YOUNG SURVIVORS AND THE WISE ELDERS
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
1Day,

You deserve the chance to question assumptions that you didn't question as a child. Everyone deserves to come into their adult life like that. You deserved the chance to do that in a "normal" adolescence, but you can't change the past.

Question eveything but your own worth. Challenge me to defend my assumptions when they show up in my posts. We can both learn about ourselves and each other that way.

Take time to rest and recharge when you need it. Some of the best advice I've received since I started working on this stuff is to be gentle with myself. I don't do that as well as I should, but I spent a long time learning and refining my bad habits. I hope you can avoid the mistakes I made.


Green,

I hope you do find this place helpful. I've been posting here a few months now, and I find it very helpful to me. Sometimes I just go back looking at older posts from before I got here, since the problems that the guys talked about last year or the year before are the same problems I talk about now.

There's a lot of good stuff here, and a lot of wonderful people that keep cranking out more good stuff.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.