On another occasion, when I worked in a hospital, a nurse related a story about her infant son and her sister. It was a casual conversation. She chuckled and said that while changing her son's diaper the night before, her sister said watch this. She then stimulated the boy to erection where she then snapped the base of his erection with her fingers causing his erection to become flaccid. Using the same tone of casualness, I said that's sexual abuse. She became very angry and said emphatically, “It is not, my sister is a nurse.” It was impossible for her to see herself and her sister as perpetrators.
I guess this would have been funny if it had been a couple of male nurses stimulating a baby girl's clitoris?!
If it's female on male it's funny, even doing the male a favor.
If it's male on female, it's a horor & abusive.
So females can experiment on little boys like lab rats, and that's funny?!
ha ha ha ha ha
A female fellow survivor once told me that she never told anyone about the sexual abuse by her mother. To tell me this she had to wait until all of the fellow women survivors, that were present, had left the room. She could speak of her experiences with male perpetrators and receive support from other women, but she didn't feel comfortable talking about her perpetrator mother among other women. Her fellow survivors had one view of what perpetrators looked like and she felt a need to conform. Society is not comfortable about acknowledging female perpetrators, which further denies experiences of both males and females. Same sex abuse was a deeper secret than the abuse by men.
What a shame. This blocks female survivors from the support of other women they desperately need, as well as dividing the survivor wolfpack into male & female camps.
I confronted my mother when I was about 24 years old. She was trying to defeat my older brother's attempts at dating. He was late for his date and she decided to rearrange the living room enlisting his help. An argument between them was in progress. This went on for about 45 minutes. I had had enough. I walked past them to the pantry and filled a drinking glass with one fourth inch of water. I returned to where they were arguing and threw the water in her face and said, “Enough!” She looked at me stunned that her favorite son would do this and she said, “And I protected you.” My answer was nonchalant but just as poignant as her statement. I said, “From what?” That stunned her also. The manipulations stopped and she died within a year of lung cancer. I held her head in my arms as she died as was the role of a devoted son. My rage was flaring. She did it to me one last time.
Little bro, it makes me proud to hear of how you confronted your mother in this way. I have yet to do this, but you inspire courage within me.
As to what you did for your mother when she was dying, I don't know that I could do this for my mother.
But then all of us & our family's are different.
Speaking my truth has consequences I'm willing to deal with. In doing this I become my own hero. I'm feeling too old and too tired to keep hiding what my heart wants to say when the people around me deny my truth as a man.
Well put RJD. You are a hero for many others as well, me included, as you bravely speak your truth, encouraging others to do likewise, in spite of the consequences. High risk, higher reward.
What a thesis, bro! You could write a book!
Something I've been keeping in mind, too...
Thanks for the inspiration.