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#55524 - 04/20/04 05:38 PM Re: Physical abuse other than SA
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Thats horrible, I'm sorry that happened to you. I may have suffered emotional abuse from my mother, just alot of yelling at me at times, seeming to blow up a bit. Apologising for it afterwards of course. My stepfather tends to have a temper too, I guess thats why I don't like being around him when I'm alone, I'm afraid he might abuse me (sexually/emotionally or possibly phisically).

A few times (after I was like 21) in these arguments she would also say stuff like "you care about your father and not me. Your over there sucking his dick..." This of course in the figurative sense but it still disgusted me because it was a trigger.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#55525 - 04/20/04 06:14 PM Re: Physical abuse other than SA
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Marc,

I am sorry that you spent so much of your childhood in pain and feeling so unloved. I can understand how lonely that must have been.

Yes, I had a lot of the physical abuse, both from the coach who did the sexual abuse also, and from my father. My father left us when I was ten years old, but by that time he had done more then enough physical things, even causing the death of my brother. You are not alone in having had that experience also. I know that there are others here who will be able to understand also.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#55526 - 04/20/04 06:24 PM Re: Physical abuse other than SA
survive75 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
*Response may trigger.*

I think the fact that I was physically and sexually abused by the same person has a lot to do with how scared I was to tell anyone for so long and why I pushed the memories of the SA away so far.

My stepfather abused me sexually and physically from about age 4 to 8. Most of my SA (that I remember anyway) was combined in some form with the physical punishments. It would start as a methodical sort of spanking or belting, and he would use the SA in a rough punishment way too.

Physical abuse does a number on your sense of self-worth, and combined with the SA, it's amazing that we are here today to talk about any of it. I know for me, because he often hit me in front of people and they didn't think anything of it, I thought that the SA "punishments" were normal. I was four... I thought it was okay for him to put his fingers in me after a spanking.

I know that there are other men here that have also had experience with physical abuse. That feeling of being worthless lingers forever from being hit. I'm sorry you have had that experience... I'm sorry for all of us really. PM me if you want to talk more.

-Sean

_________________________
-Sean

"Even though I know/I don’t want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"

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#55527 - 04/20/04 07:46 PM Re: Physical abuse other than SA
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Marc,

My first SA I don't remember a lot (well almost all) of it, but I am recalling that there was a lot of force involved, but to what extent, I do not know. The rest were non-physically abusive.

I, on the other hand, was physically abused by my first ex-wife (thus. why she is an ex) resulting in permanent physical damage, pain, and the loss of hearing.

I don't ever recall having the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse all at the same time. I am truely saddened that you had to go through that.

Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#55528 - 04/20/04 11:43 PM Re: Physical abuse other than SA
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Marc read my story. I know where you are coming from. Boy we could be clones. Just read it and know that I relate.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#55529 - 04/21/04 09:05 AM Re: Physical abuse other than SA
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Marc,

Don't let it stop you from coming here to talk about it. I stayed away for a while, in part because I felt the physical abuse didn't count. I'm still learning how commingled the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse was. Even the perpetrator that I met as a teen, the sexual abuse outside the family, was violent and physically intimidating.

The effects on my self image and the way I view the world (yes, present tense. This stuff is hard and it takes time.) are the same kinds of effects often attributed to sexual abuse. The thing that differentiates sexual abuse, to me, anyway, is the use of a victim's (I hate that word) sexuality. There's not a whole lot of difference between being batted around like a punching bag and being dragged around like a blow up doll, at least as I recall them.

And I remember telling my T about one incident and saying, "That's not really sexual abuse, is it? It's not like sexual activity. It seems like just physical abuse." She said, "Some things can be both."

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#55530 - 04/21/04 11:33 AM Re: Physical abuse other than SA
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Marc, In some ways I'm not sure what came first, the physical abuse or sexual abuse & resulting low self esteem. I am certain that if I had not been so beaten down, I may have approached my mother and told her about the SA at a young age. But unfortunately, she was the principal perpetrator of the physical abuse and I was terrified of her anger. Ultimately the authorities stepped in and forced me to find another home in my mid teens. As I write this I realize that even though she (my mother) is now in her late 80s and I love her very much, I really don't trust her. Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#55531 - 04/21/04 12:49 PM Re: Physical abuse other than SA
nordicelt Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 15
Loc: Kenosha, WI
Hello Marc,

I am sorry too that you had to experience such a violent childhood.

During my childhood and into my teens I experienced physical, sexual and emotional abuse all at the same time. More details about the abuse I experienced can be found by reading my "birth defects" post located in the off topic forum.

I thought I had buried all of it so well for so long until I was raped a few months ago. Now I am coping with the rape incedent and the abuse I experienced as a child all at once.

I wish you the best,

Nordicelt


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#55532 - 04/22/04 06:38 PM Re: Physical abuse other than SA
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Marc,

From my childhod abuser, I can't say there was a lot of physical abuse. Mostly, it was of a controlling nature (slapping, beating, anything to shut me up), but apart from the attempted murders ("yeah, apart from that, how DID you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln?"), there was little physical abuse.

My Dad, on the other hand, really set me up for the SA by being verbally and emotionally abusive. I guess I wasn't the kind of son he wanted and never let a day go by without reminding me of it at least once. Left me craving so badly for a father-figure that I clung onto a monster for support.

Damage of the self goes hand-in-hand with this sort of thing. But, Marc, remember, you aren't any of those things they told you you were. You are a fine MAN, one I'm glad to know.

Peace and love, Marc.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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