I am not sure of what to say here, other then I am very sorry, for what happen to you. I recall reading something from another member, who also was abused by grandmother. I do not remember who. But I am hoping that you will get some other responses from people who can understand and relate more.
Take care of yourself and be safe.
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.
"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963