I don't like the idea that even if you get to a place in your life where you can deal with it, it never just goes away. I don't want to be 50 something (if I live that long) and still be the guy who was abused. I know there's no way to get out of that. I just don't like it.

Jay,

That's because right now you are still taking responsibility for some of the things that happened. So part of the shame also belongs to you.

Eventually you will get past that one as well. It's a matter of first believing that NONE of the abuse was your fault, then learning to BELIEVE what you know, and then learning to TRUST these solid beliefs is tools you can use to rebuild your life.

You make a significant statement here:

This goes back to that thread where I was arguing against allowing abuse to define us. Your statement shows how damaging this can be. You are JAYSEN, who has a cool bike, an ability with tools and machines, a band, a talent for music, and lots of other things. Does the fact that you were abused cancel all that out? Only if you allow it to. And why should you do that?

At 50 you will be Jaysen, not Abused Jaysen. IF that is what you insist on and work for.

Much love,
Larry

Well shit Larry you don't have to yell at me!

No I won't allow all that to cancel out who I am or who I want to be. I'm not abused Jay, I'm just jay. As far as taking responsibility for some of the things that happened, you're right, there's one or two things left that I need to get past.