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#55335 - 07/28/06 03:36 AM Re: Does it ever end?
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3365
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Hi Jeff,

from another Jeff in Northern Wisconsin - small world is'nt it...

Does it ever end? - maybe not - but it will get easier to handle...

I am glad that you found this place - it can be a very good support network - keep comming here and talking - there are a lot of great guys here that can help lots - they've sure helped me

I spent most of my young life alone - that vulnerable/scared/lonely feeling is still something that I struggle with a lot

Take good care of yourself,

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#55336 - 07/28/06 04:09 PM Re: Does it ever end?
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Hi Jeff and Jeff this is Tom in western Wisconsin on the Mississippi River.

Jeff S It dose get better but don't think it ever goes away totally.

To Quote Leosha

Quote:
I would stress 'patience', even though that is such a hard thing!
This is the hardest thing for me to do. I have no PATIENCE what so ever.
Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#55337 - 07/28/06 05:29 PM Re: Does it ever end?
Jeff S. Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 46
Loc: Northern WIsconsin
Tom,

When it comes to everyone else, I can be the most patient person in the world. However, I have absolutely no patience for ME. I struggle with this because I also have almost NO TOLERANCE for mistakes when they are my mistakes. Everyone else can make mistakes, not me.

I know that comes from being the not only the family scapegoat, always being at fault for everything. Heck one time, while she was grounded, my older sister went into my room, rummaged through my dresser until she found the key to my bike, took it and went to visit a friend. I was at baseball practice. She had an accident on the bike and ended up with stitches in her head. My mother told me that it was my fault. If I hadn't left the keys where she could find them, she wouldn't have gotten hurt.

Now as an adult, I see the absurdity in her comments. My sister went through my belongings without permission, stole my bike, and it's my fault?

But you know, when it's always your fault, you work really really hard at never being at fault anymore. Maybe if I am perfect, I won't get blamed.

But that takes so much energy. I am trying hard to stop the perfectionism. I am getting better at it.

Jeff


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#55338 - 09/14/06 11:33 PM Re: Does it ever end?
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
I don't really know how to begin this except to say that I've missed the warmth of this camp fire and the friendship found here. I have read here, periodically, wanting often to comment, but pulling back into my self imposed exile where I have taken shelter. But this question about wondering if, “it,” is ever over, caught my attention. I don’t have anything profound to say, some have already said it by suggesting that discovering some peace in one’s life, where there may have been none at all, is gift enough. For some others of us, all we can expect is a life ring to cling to.
Some of us find religion; some of us leave it behind. Others of us develop a hobby while some of us find true art in our lives. But for most of us, I would think that it would be peace, peace from the raging demons, peace from the nagging fear, peace to know that we’re discovering the kid who never had a chance.
Am I on my way? Is it, “over,” for me? I’ve still got some things to work out, but ya, peace has found its way into parts of my life.
I haven’t forgotten you guys…I’ve been your silent encourager all along. It’s good to feel the warmth of your campfire, the warmth of your friendship.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#55339 - 09/15/06 03:15 AM Re: Does it ever end?
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
I still have problems 30 years later . We have good days and bad days . But I dont think that we ever get over SA.

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#55340 - 09/15/06 07:42 AM Re: Does it ever end?
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
David,

I just gotta comment here that it's so good to see your screen name beside a post here. Thanks for being that silent encourager and friend, and welcome back regardless if it's just in passing or whether you're planning on making it a "trend".

End? Probably not entirely, but I think we learn to face it differently than the broken way we learned as children. It no longer has to devastate us. Do I want it to end? No, I simply want to get to the place where I can use what's happened to me and what I've learned as a tool to help others who are traveling the road behind me.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#55341 - 09/16/06 10:35 AM Re: Does it ever end?
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I responded to this once. I am here so infrequently these days, it is strange to me that I respond it before, and it is here again.

I am thinking, it depends on how 'end' is defined. 'End' to the point of us feeling and behaving like none of this ever happened, I would say no. That is impossible, to erase memories of anything as this.

'End' as defined as no longer having such power of us, yes, I do belive that is possible, and I think some people here are proof of it, just as are some people near proof of it. It takes time, it takes work, and takes effort. It is up to each of us to decide we are worth all that. I think you are. I hope you do also.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#55342 - 09/16/06 02:48 PM Re: Does it ever end?
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11053
Loc: Denver, CO
Jeff,

sometimes I really wonder if it ends. Just when I think I've covered the mother issues, another one comes up. Some issues and emotions have been processed others have not. I'm guessing there are certain aspects that get done, while others just kinda wait their turn. I know healing happens, and nothing could feel better than knowing something is finally behind me, us, whoever. Some days not everything is as behind as I believe.

Side note: David, it's good to see you on. Thanks for talking to us!

FT

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#55343 - 09/21/06 01:06 AM Re: Does it ever end?
GregoryP Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/20/06
Posts: 6
Loc: Va.
Jeff,
This might be a littl late but I just joined the forum and read your post. First off I am sorry that you are going through this. The abuse that happened to us is a part of us. It will never go away. Healing is a life long journey. It will always be in the back of our mind.

peace,
Gregory


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#55344 - 09/22/06 04:19 PM Re: Does it ever end?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jeff,

Since posting on this earlier in your thread, I have been back to the States and the topic came up in talking with my father. He asked me, "Do you think you will ever get past this?"

I told him yes and no. Yes in the sense that I will regain an ability to live my life in peace without it being hijacked and derailed by abuse memories. But no in the sense of forgetting and erasing it from my mind. But I don't even want that anymore. I know memories will come back from time to time, and when they do it will be sad.

We got to talking about it and he talked about his memories of World War II in the Pacific. He went through a similar process. At first he had a terrible time adjusting to life back home and just wanted to forget. But he eventually found peace, and though he still feels sad when memories come up, these recollections don't prevent him from living a happy and fulfilling life.

I think that's somehow what my recovery will be like. Or put it this way: if it is I will be content.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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