My sister Jenna turned 21 yesterday so my cousins came over with a bunch of beer and some friends and then some of Jenna's friends from the area came down and we had a pretty good party. We have a big fire pit in the backyard so we lit a bonfire in it and threw juniper branches on it, which burn really well and make this cool pink smoke, so we sat out there drinking and watching the fire, and then my cousin Ben went and got some fireworks and we threw those into the fire and had a lot of fun.
I was having fun too... but after I get past a certain point in drunkenness I stop having fun and start being sad and bitter. This type of drunkenness seems to happen to all the males in my family. I don't know if it is genetic or what.
To illustrate the situation, here is a passage I wrote about the incident, while still drunk, later that night:
jenna says oh he gets like this just ignore him
oh yeah he just gets like this just fucking ignore him like everybody ignored daddy and look what happened to him look what fucking happened to him
yeah i say they used me didnt they they used me for whatever and i let them because thats who i am i fucking let people walk all over me. i said yeah they did this to me they did that to me too they did every fucking thing you could imagine you rich kid hippie activist fucks. i said you dont know shit you fucking lightweights, i said you dont know shit about pain and jenna says ignore him he gets like this so all the rich kid hippie fucks they laughed at me and says yeah your brother is nuts and jenna say leave him alone hes got a mental disorder and i say yeah youd have one too if you got raped everyday and jenna says shut up josh you know you didnt get raped she doesnt fucking know SHIT she doesnt know SHIT none of them do
Basically, I was ranting at Jenna's friends and for the most part they were ignoring me as I was clearly drunk off my ass but there were a lot of truths in what I said. Of course no one ever believes me. I was getting sad and bitter and I think I may have cried at some point... but I guess some people are just like that when they drink.
She wasn't too upset about it and some people hauled me inside and gave me some cartoons to watch to see if I would get happier. I still feel like I ruined her party, though... nothing kills a good time like a weird drunk guy carrying on quite emotionally about being raped, especially when everyone thinks he's just making it up for attention.