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#55091 - 03/18/03 09:52 AM sexual abuse and alcoholism
1goodguy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/16/03
Posts: 2
Loc: San Francisco, CA
I'm in AA for a few years and I'm having trouble finding which dysfunctional feelings came from my molestations and which come from alcoholism.


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#55092 - 03/18/03 12:18 PM Re: sexual abuse and alcoholism
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
1Goodguy.
You are not alone in your feelings brother.
I have been in AA a day at a time for 26years and it took me a while to figure that one out. I guess I am a slow learner.

My experience was and still is that AA is great for helping someone recover from alcoholism but members get a little antsy when you talk about abuse. That kind of was what happened to me

Now I was physically abused as a child and ran away many times. Then I was sexually assaulted by three upper classmen over a nin month period in Military College when I was 16-17. That is when I started to drink. I used it to numb down. Also used it when I was on the street as a hustler from 18-21. I also used heroin then. Once again it was (I Thought) to numb down. But there was a little thing inside of me that recognized that if I was high I could not respond as well to my clients and this made them madder. That was ok with me cause I was into the violent aspects of hustling. The greater the danger the more I liked it.

In effect I was using alcohol to hide from reality and myself and what had happened and what was happening.

I did not join AA until I was 36. At first I was a dried out drunk looking for a place to happen but what they had started to rub of on me. I delt with the alcohol shit from then on and kept the other to myself until I was 56

Seee I told you I was a slow learner. The dysfunctional behavior for me was totally what had happened to me and the self loathing I felt for myself. I used alcohol as a coping mechanisn and nothing more. When I started to sober up all the shit was really the result of my past.

Think of it this way. I used alcohol as a coping mechanism and now I am not because I recoginze that what is really the problem is coming to grips with what happened to me

Brother you are in the two right places. As they say in AA stick around it will rub off.

I hope this has helped you a little bit.

Remember you are never alone any more. We, each and every one of us, is here for you and together we will find peace with us and our inner child.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#55093 - 03/18/03 05:40 PM Re: sexual abuse and alcoholism
RickL Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/02
Posts: 84
Loc: Oregon
Welcome, 1goodguy

I am not an alcoholic, but my dad, who was also my abuser, was.

As an ACOA and one who was incested, it's not always easy for me to distinguish which source certain dysfunctional feelings or behaviors come from. I've come to the thought that they're closely related--especially when the issue I struggle with is shame.

Keep coming back to read what other survivors have to say and to share your own experience, strength and hope!

Rick


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#55094 - 03/18/03 08:51 PM Re: sexual abuse and alcoholism
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Well, for sure the dreadful effects of childhood sexual abuse are pretty clear to see. They get listed in various places here and in almost every post we see these effects.

I am in AA for quite a few 24 hours at a time. My alcoholism had a lot do do with wanting immediate relief of pain, getting feelings from alcohol that I had not been able to get anywhere else--e.g. temporary peace, decent sleep, feeling more like others and less a freak.

But alcohol was the big liar and it let me done with a bang. I became a slave to it and wanted more and more. That is when I knew it was too much like the life of my alcoholic parents and I went running to AA.

I have not had a drink today, probably will make it through the next few hours because I am goiing to my home meeting.

The sexual abuse stuff--it gets better and I get better. But I can't just not think certain thoughts--AA is so much easier for me.

But, things are better and I know that they will be for you too. But getting teere can demand more of you that you can imagine--and even so, it sure is worth it.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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