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#55022 - 01/07/05 06:50 PM THE REALITY OF THE PAST
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
MAY TRIGGER

The Reality of the Past.

Events of the past can never be changed. We can block them out. We can deny they happened. We can minimilize them. BUT WE CAN NEVER CHANGE THEM. This is the true reality. No matter what path our minds have taken sooner or later, the mind being what it is, these events with which we have not dealt will rise up in our conscious.

Very seldom does anyone block out happy or exciting events. As humans we tend to block out tragedy, loss, crimes or other horrific events in our past. These events by and large have had a huge emotional impact on us that leave us with conflict feelings. This can be easily recognized when a loved one dies and leaves you alone. All of us who experience this mourn the loss and at the same time get angry with that person who has left us. Irrational though it may be it is true.

The events of sexual abuse/assault are particularly horrific to us who have experienced it. In addition to the actual trauma that we suffer it tears apart our beliefs and values around trust and others. Additionally it attacks our very essence or soul for want of a better de>
_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#55023 - 01/08/05 05:04 AM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
Whicker Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/03
Posts: 117
Loc: Pastures of Oregon
Excellent Post!

Thank You for sharing it.

Whicker

_________________________
Esse Quam Videri
(To be, rather than to seem)

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#55024 - 01/08/05 05:18 AM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Thank you, Mike. I am going to frame this, hang it on my wall and read it every morning. Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#55025 - 01/08/05 02:06 PM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
WOW, Mikey!!! Thanks for the insight and suggestions. I think you may have hit the nail on the head, here.


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#55026 - 01/09/05 04:41 AM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
Michael Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/04
Posts: 92
Loc: Claremore, Oklahoma
I think that pretty much says it all.

_________________________
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers

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#55027 - 01/11/05 03:36 PM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
Jake_t2398 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 131
what you said here just made so much sense to me thanks dude for writing it


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#55028 - 01/11/05 06:02 PM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
robert1949 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 3
Loc: Atlanta Ga Area
I am new here, I came here because I was looking and researching on the net to find resources and there are some real slim pickings for us. To be abused is a topic that many want to hide and never talk or reveal.

This has bothered me all my life, I was abused over and over and over as a child until we moved away from the perp. He is my uncle. As of late this has been bothering me again, every Christmas I get a card from him and toss it. Then it seems every show on tv mentions child abuse and you have to face it all over again.

The one thing I want is JUSTICE. That is all. Is that too much to ask. Justice, I see people in prison for minor crimes and over half the people in prison are there for drug related crimes. How aobut lets fill up Prison with Sexual Preditors?

_________________________
RBW

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#55029 - 01/11/05 10:20 PM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Just bringing this back to the top,

Mike you said it all,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#55030 - 01/11/05 11:49 PM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Mike
I'm speechless......

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#55031 - 06/20/05 06:10 PM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
I thought I would bring this back for the benefit of new guys here. I replied in a post about healing and think that this has a bearing on it.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#55032 - 06/20/05 09:57 PM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
sabooka Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 209
Loc: I would like to know also
Thanks for reposting this post.

I do not know what to say.

Thanks

Jonathna

_________________________
My happiness is not dependant on other people's misery.

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#55034 - 06/20/05 10:38 PM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
Sinking Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
Hi Jasper - I know your questions are directed to Mike, but I thought I would weigh in. It was fairly recent that I got an answer that I really needed to #2 and #1 I think I might have some insight into also.

1) It seems to me that the more we talk about the things that happened, the less intense they seem to feel. The terror of the situation dissipates. It's not that the memories are becoming less real. It's that we are now able to process them as adult men, men with the ability to look at them from an adult perspective. Until now our memories have been as children, memories that have been locked inside, in the same place for so many years. Our minds have a funny way of knowing when we are ready to process such things. Our minds told us to wait, but now they know we are ready, Does that make sense?

2) Recently, while with my therapist, she asked me to try to recall one particular event during the abuse that I have not been able to recall but that has been bugging me, something I want to remeber but cannot. There is a time, also when I was nine like you were, that I remember my swim coach coming to my house to 'take me to dinner'. He came into the house, met my parents and we were off to 'dinner', at least that's what I thought. We drove to a town nearby, one I was not familiar with, where the coach rented an apartment. We went inside and into his bedroom. He told me to undress excpet for my underwear. Then I remember leaving, that's it. It's been bugging the hell out of me to know what happened in between getting there and leaving. My therapist asked me why I wanted to know so much, why is it so important? She suggested that oftentimes, survivors feel a need to recall every event of their abuse, as though recovery cannot happen util we remember it all. She also told me that kids around that age and younger have a great capacity for taking themselves 'out' of a situation that they are not able to handle. In fact I can clearly remember a few year later, while being abused by a teacher, floating up near the ceiling, watching the events take place from a safe place. It was my body but it was not me. But, she explained, kids even younger can take themselves even further away than the ceiling, as if we are not there at all while the abuse is taking place. It was our bodies, but not ourselves, not our minds, not our souls. I liked her explanation. It made sense for me. And, as she put it, that way he didn't win. He didn't get to do what he intended. He hurt my body, but not me. Because if I really did take myself out of there mentally, I was not there. And if I was not there, there was nothing to remember. I know this was long-winded, but felt it needed that to fully explain what I learned. I ws so relieved at what she toaught me that day, I cried and cried again when I told my wife and cried again when I told two close friends. It was that powerful. I hope it provides some similar relief for you Jasper. Peace - John


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#55036 - 06/21/05 06:30 PM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Jasper I think you got your answers to your questions. Talking about it and sharing it with others will bring it out into the light of day so to speak. Then the reality of the crime becomes apparent to us and we no longer recognize that it was our fault.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#55037 - 06/24/05 10:23 AM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Just bringing this back before it falls off the page

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#55038 - 06/25/05 08:26 AM Re: THE REALITY OF THE PAST
andrew76 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 118
Loc: Florida
Mike,

Thanks for posting this especially now I know you posted it for all to read and ponder but I also know that recently for me due to circumstances I have been in a position where I have just taken the abuse from my wife without thinking of myself just as you said emotions took over in my case and I just allowed the abuse to take place without thinking I should not have to take this abuse.Will keep this in mind from this point forward.

_________________________


Eye of tiger stares down perp,tiger teeth rips perp to shreds
to be abused kills the soul
to survive is to live the ultimate punishment

Knocking on hells door!!

To be silenced is an American amendment right violation,free speech

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