Stefen,
Welcome to this site..You are very brave and it does get better,by starting at your age you can try to save yourself some grief and pain.I hope to see you at a retreat someday..Happy Christmas

Julian

Hi everyone

Thanks for all of your replies.
Makes me more glad that i did actually write it out, even though it was really hard.
I know about deleting history and all so that's not a problem, also my father doesnt use this computer.
I'm trying to get out of here, I hope to get out when I'm 18 wich will be in about 10 months.
I'll be studying next schoolyear so then I'll get money from the government and with a job it should be enough.. I'm registered at 'Social student housing', wich has good studentrooms for a lower price then 'private owners' studentrooms.
So, that's my plan.. One more year should be okey.

I wish i could burry all of that happened for the rest of my life.. But I can't anymore, nightmares all night.
I'm glad i found this place even though it's a hard thing to face.

Stefan

Stefan,

I admire your courage. I'm sorry for what brings you to this site, but glad that you've found it. Here you'll find understanding and support. Here we're all brothers, sharing some pretty significant history. I'll echo another message that it's great that you're dealing with this now.

Like many others here I waited way too long to deal with it. In my case it was 40 years. I admire your strength. Know that your life will be better because of your courage to address this now.

Be careful and safe, brother.

Peter

Stefan, I remember the courage it took me to post, but I would have kicked myself if I deleted it.

You have made a big brave step by doing just that, and I hope that your wishes come true and more.

Keep up with your school work and get good grades, that will get you a better job,

all the best,

ste

During the days I try to act as normal as possible, as if nothing is bothering me, and am just like my friends.

My best friends do know that my father and I don't get along and that he drinks to much (although they dont know how much it actually is) and they know of course that I still miss my mother..

But that's about it. I try to not let it show.
At night though, or when I'm alone, it all comes back though and I'm not sure how to handle it.
I've tried to ignore it for the past few years but it seems impossible now.

My father though seems to get more crazy each passing day, since like about a week esp..
I guess he doesnt like this time of the year either. He's starting to scare me though..
It feels embarrassing to admit I'm still not fully able to stand up to him, i guess he's still stronger then me at times, when he tries to hit me. I mean often i can just walk away now its easier then when i was a kid, but sometimes I cant avoid it. Like this morning.
I wish i had a lock on my bedroom. I dont want to have to camp in the bathroom for the coming days. I hope i dont have to.

I'm sorry about ranting like this but I guess i'm feeling a little bit depressed right now.

Stefan.

stefan..so sorry that you have to have this fear..at this time of the year...or for that matter anytime....i eel so sad when i hear about people stuck...no way out....please be strong..hold true to your beliefs...that thier is a better place....the best for you....steve

its okey at the moment thanks, he's passed out right now.

Hey Stefan,

Keep yourself safe. I'll be thinking about you.

camping out in bathroom with laptop lol o well its safe at least.

Hey, how are you now?
Still camping in bathroom?
Doesnt sound like a safe place at your home!
You sure you can't tell anyone, even if it's only a little bit?
You gotta get out of there alright, you dont want something bad to happen.
I'm in fostercare now and there are also good people..
Anyway try to keep safe and get out of there as soon as you can.

Alexander