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#54798 - 12/18/06 04:09 PM Well this is about me, my story, I guess. Possible *triggers*
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
I didn't think I would tell my story here. Not this soon anyway. So I'll try to do it quickly, or I will change my mind and delete it all.
I've been in the chat a couple times, but haven't been able to tell anything, yet.

I turned 17 years a few months ago.
I have no brothers or sisters.
My mother died in a caraccident, when I was 14.
My father almost died then, was in the hospital for nearly 7 months.
I missed, still miss, my mother a lot. I've always wished it was the other way around, that my dad died instead of my mother.
For the simple reason that he has abused me all my life, first it was only physicall abuse, but when I was 7 it turned also into s.abuse. He would sometimes also bring other people with him. I can not say the word, still. My mother couldn't or didn't want to stand up to it.
He didn't do it anymore after the accident, but while I was placed into a fosterfamily much the same happened there. So I was glad to go home, even though he still hits me.
I know christmas won't be a pleasant day. There will be no family or presents. Just him drinking way to much, like usually, and me, trying to stay away from him as much as possible.
I've been looking around carefully for a way to get out of here, but he can't know, not of this site, or of my plans, because i know he'd kill me.
Anyway, that's me.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

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#54799 - 12/18/06 04:26 PM Re: Well this is about me, my story, I guess. Possible *triggers*
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3389
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Welcome to MS Stefan,

I am sorry that you have the things in your past that bring you to this site - but I am also glad that you where able to find this site - I have found much help here in talking to others about the things that I can talk to no one else about - people here really do understand our pains - they been through pains themselves - all our stories are diffrent - yes - but the pains caused by the past are much the same - talking the pain out can help to diminish it greatly...

I applaud your bravery in posting your past here

I hope to catch you in the chat room sometime

Try to do something just for you on christmas - something that YOU want to do - leave him to drink by himself...

take good care of yourself,

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#54800 - 12/18/06 05:04 PM Re: Well this is about me, my story, I guess. Possible *triggers*
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
Hi Stefan,

I am sorry about your abuse and about your mother. Of course I can't know how you feel, but I did lose my mother when I was 19, so I can relate to some of that pain.

It takes a lot of bravery to tell your story but it is a least a way to begin healing. Welcome to MS. I know you will find a lot of good support here. I know I have.

Like Jeff, I hope you will be able to do something for yourself on Christmas, that will bring you some happines.

Take Care,
Keith


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#54801 - 12/18/06 05:26 PM Re: Well this is about me, my story, I guess. Possible *triggers*
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Hi again Stefan. That must have been incredibly difficult to write. Why do I say that? I say that because I remember the very first time I tried to talk about it, (when I was older), I thought I could just "say it" but then all of a sudden I started crying, etc. The very first time is hardest to talk about.

But may I offer a ray of hope? You CAN find answers here, answers to the many different questions that I'm sure you now have. Also, (I know this isn't much comfort for you but it's sooo true), you're trying to address this problem right NOW, you're not waiting 30 years to deal with this crap the way that many of us here have done. This is a big deal, cuz let me tell you, one of the worst aspects of CSA is that it can rob you of any purpose/meaning/direction, it can in essence rob you of the future you would have otherwise had.

Stefan, by trying to deal with it now, you're going to greatly minimize the impact that it will have on your life, and you will find many people here that are willing to help you.


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#54802 - 12/18/06 05:44 PM Re: Well this is about me, my story, I guess. Possible *triggers*
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Welcome Stefan

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#54803 - 12/18/06 05:49 PM Re: Well this is about me, my story, I guess. Possible *triggers*
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
Stefan, you will see that you are not alone and your recovery begins when you reveal your story. And you have so the journey begins.

A votre sante, Etienne!!!
froggy12

_________________________
??

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#54804 - 12/18/06 10:55 PM Re: Well this is about me, my story, I guess. Possible *triggers*
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Hi Stefan,

We were in chat together yesterday. I am sorry to hear you story but am glad you shared it. This is a good safe place to come. I just want to welcome you here.

Dale


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#54805 - 12/19/06 02:50 AM Re: Well this is about me, my story, I guess. Possible *triggers*
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Stefan,

Welcome. You've made a very important step toward creating a better life for yourself. You've broken the silence.

It's obvious from your post that you have a real challenge on your hands to stay safe. Is there anyone in your local area you can trust? Whom you care about and who care about you? They will be invaluable to you as a source of support. If not we'll try to be what support we can here on the site.

Again, try to stay safe and connected to us as best you can. You're a good person and what has happened in your life is NOT your fault. You have a lot of good things to offer, and you are loved.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#54806 - 12/19/06 11:37 AM Re: Well this is about me, my story, I guess. Possible *triggers*
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 825
Loc: Australia
Stefan,

I’m glad you found us, and proud of you that you were brave to share your story up front like that. Thankyou. You give us all strength by doing that.

I’ saddened and angered that the foster care system was not safe for you when your own home clearly was not. I guess there are no other safe and trusted relatives you could live with? I wouldn’t blame you if you are cautious about trusting the authorities again for your protection. Perhaps somebody else on the boards living in your country knows about some other form of assistance?

Regarding trying to keep this site private from your father, can I simply suggest you don’t create a “favourite” or “bookmark” in your browser program. That way it won’t be as easy for him to find the site. You might also want to clear your browser memory each time you finish your internet session.

Welcome to MS. Try and stick around of you can and take care.


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#54807 - 12/19/06 12:59 PM Re: Well this is about me, my story, I guess. Possible *triggers*
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Stefan, I am glad you found the strength to post and not delete it.
Your mom should have stood against it, and fosters should be safe people.

Its always best to be in the safest place, even if your dad is the only one.
I can only wish you peace at Christmas, but hope things get better for you,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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