Lloydy, Thank you for apologizing. I too am sorry for letting my anger out (I have NEVER expressed anger before, my style is more passive aggressive) but I must say the following: As I read back through my wife’s postings (her name is/was aminuts - I don't know why I do because it is just torturing myself) I see that we were doing well in marriage counseling (except that I had not yet decided I needed help with the SA stuff—MY BAD!!) and then she got this idea I was "acting out". I have been faithful in heart mind and soul since the day we met 22 years ago!!!!! After you told her your story, she became very very paranoid, (I remember that I could not understand why she would think that I would be unfaithful. It is not me. I am the shy type would have to be very comfortable and feel very safe with someone to have sex with them!!!) and I can see by the pattern of her posts that her increasing paranoia is what (one of the main reasons) she decided to give up on our marriage. And then to top it off "babs" (your wife I think) encouraged my wife to separate by pointing out how very long and difficult it will be to live with me while I cope with all of this (and some of her other posts that I can not recall right now). I feel very much undermined by you both. Now that said, my wife is a very very intelligent women who can think for herself, and who has plenty of her own issues to deal with. So I can not put the blame of my failing marriage with anyone except my wife and I. So I feel less angry and am trying to stay focused on myself (what I can control). I do feel however, now that I am addressing my SA issues we could have finally been a happy couple. I have supported her (the best I could—not enough on an emotional level though) by running the household with 2 kids while she went through 10 years of college, 2 fights with cancer, delt with an alcoholic and co dependent mother and father and also a brother who had cancer. So again I feel very undermined by the road she was lead down here, but I also realize that she learned a lot and found a great deal of good support here. So my feelings are conflicted, and from everything she tells me now, our marriage is over (lots of tears!!) and I need to come to terms with that instead of placing blame. Thanks for you message and I will try not to let all of this ruin my chance of getting the support that I so desperately need here. Sincerely, Taipan