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#54328 - 04/01/03 06:13 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Quote:
Originally posted by mikechurch:
[QB] Speaking for myself I think I would rather see them go to prison and be released into the general prison poplutation with the only caveat being that the other prisoners keep them alive for their pleasure
I would never ever advocate this. \:\( I have been there and I don't wish it upon anyone, even those who abused me.

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#54329 - 04/01/03 10:03 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Sick Puppy: I apologize if it offended you. It is just my opinion about the three assholes who used and abused me for nine months. As far as I am concerned I now hate their guts and If I could I would exact retribution. Because of them I was a street hustler for 3 1/2 years and nearly died as a heroin addict. And became an alcoholic. All because three perverts used me for their own personal sick pleasure.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#54330 - 04/01/03 10:44 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
No, it's fine. Everybody has their own way of dealing and some people want revenge, some people don't. No big deal. \:\)

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#54331 - 02/18/04 10:31 AM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Any input on this for this years battle would be helpful. Thanks Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#54332 - 02/18/04 12:36 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
Tom,

I think it is a way of holding people accountable. In as much as we so often blame ourselves for what happened I think it is important to find a way of holding perps responsible for what they did.

If it is possible, go ahead and sue. Find every other victim you can and sue together. Not everybody is going to want to feel that exposed or is not ready to be so public or may not ever want to go that route but if it is something that you want to do and feel you need to do, by all means go ahead with it. Each of us has to doing something like this, don't we, either outwardly as with suing and that kind of thing or inwardly.

The double benefit is that it sends a message to other perps that they will be held accountable and to the community that we will not silently stand by anymore and to the victim-blamers that they are wrong. And to other survivors it sends the message that they are not alone.

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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#54333 - 02/18/04 01:15 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
mattandrew Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/26/01
Posts: 376
Loc: Florida
Tom,

Please don't get discouraged you are making things happen not only for yourself but for those who can't or won't help themselves due to the fear and reprisal they may get should they step forward and sue.

You see every day those who want to sue or have gone out and sued another person and for what to take every thing the other person has you may get instant gratification that you have ultimately won the battle but in real thought it is the every day battle that we as survivors have to endure,we have to stand in front of a mirror and ask ourselves really where our lives are headed and what decisions have we made that either has helped us to make what we have endured better (by no means erasing the abuse) but what we have done to better ourselves just for the sake of being able to wake up every day and say I have made everything happen for me alone by myself with either little help or no help at all.Remind yourself every day even though those who may not be able to sue such as in a familiar case (father,mother,uncle,aunt,cousin) have others such as one who can take back the ultimate power from one who may take and flaunt their ways in life to the survivor that is the person who needs to be brought to their knees and taught that it is the survivor who in the end will ultimately " PREVAIL" so be vigilant in your efforts at your capitol but be reminded you are working for those who have been silenced for so long and are relearning how to speak for themselves like a little baby when they first learn to talk and for those who can't speak out for fear of reprisal and mockery.

Tom you have brass more then any monkey I know who has taken on those who are unknowledgeable of the abuse we all have sustained,keep up your efforts and remember we all may not be right beside you in physical means we all are with you in spirit as you press on to win the ultimate torch for us all great job my friend keep working hard and winning the fight things will change,it is the person who greases the wheel who helps the other to come out and grab the wd-40 back from you later on and keep greasing the wheel to keep the fight going sooner or later things will change it is just a very slow process especially with those who want to hold up the fight to get their palm greased with other monetary means to keep them in the power seat when they don't remember how they got to that point and fall from the throne.


Matt N.

_________________________
M.A.N. ,
Boy who was trapped in society's nightmare & moving on thru healing & accountability.

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#54334 - 02/18/04 02:36 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Would I sue? Tough question.

Probably not, I don't see the benefits outweighing the agony of going through the process. What is cash compared to what they have done? You can't sue to have them slowly lowered into a brush grinder. And that is how I feel it would make me feel, like I was slowly being lowered into that brush grinder.

I had a friend that sued for an accident he was in. He was awarded $30,000,000. In his own words, it doesn't make up for it. And he has never been the same since.

If you practice an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth - you get a lot of blind toothles people walking around. But in this case: I'd rather see the perps lowered into that brush grinder. To see them torn apart piece by piece, like they have done to my soul, to my childhood, to my well-being, and the years they have taken away.

Just a thought.
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#54335 - 02/18/04 05:47 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Tom,

I didn't mention it on the other threads, and I should have. Thank you. thank you for fighting the power, thank you for dealing with these bureaucratic (deleted)s who REFUSE to see the problem for what it is, just plain THANK YOU! You are saving lives, man, and if you have any information on how to do this in my state (the supposedly "liberal" one :p ), please PM me.

Would I sue? That's a hard question, since I don't even know where to begin looking for the guilty parties. My abuser? Knew him by a last name only. The school committee? Boy, would I! There had to be some signs that things weren't right (all of it (almost) happened in my school!). My parents? One's dead (and I know that if she dead sure KNEW what was going on, she'd have stopped it) and the other is a feeble old man who's halfway out of his mind, so he doesn't know and can't understand how his emotional abuse threw me in this man's arms.

But if I could sue, would I? Probably not, because I know how the world would treat me. "He's coming out with this NOW? Why not then? He kept going back, so he must've enjoyed it. He's only in it for the money. Well, he turned out GAY didn't he? Maybe he WANTED it." And on down the line, probably getting even worse.

I wish I could. I wish I could punish the (deleted)s who made this happen. I wish I HAD that kind of courage. But I'm still a scared little boy afraid of being hurt and kicked out of society.

Please send me the information on advocacy if you have some. Maybe it's about time this little boy take his power back all the way.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#54336 - 02/18/04 06:32 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Muldoon - to 'Sue my Perp' in the UK would mean going in for the financial kill! I know that my perp has little of significant value and does not work (yes he is still in the same town 34 years on)...he's been to court (not for me but others) and has had the odd slap on the wrist.

I'm early in the recovery process, but do have thoughts of taking a case against him and drummming up some media interest at the same time (I couldn't do this at present)...he is a known perv now!

I am not interested in / $ ,,, I do care that he does not repeat his behaviour (as a known perv this is difficult).

You say that most of your actions are "Lobbying at Capital", and that you don't think that that helps anyone here....WELL IT DOES - IF WHAT YOU DO PUTS THIS WHOLE ISSUE IN THE PUBLIC EYE, THEN THERE MAY COME A DAY WHEN SITES LIKE THIS ARE NOT REQUIRED - THERE MAY BE NO MORE NEW VICTIMS/SURVIVORS....DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE WHAT YOU ARE DOING, AND GOOD LUCK WITH IT!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#54337 - 02/18/04 08:47 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1289
Loc: Northern Ohio
Muldoon,
If my perp had been alive when I recovered all my memories, I have no doubt what-so-ever that I would have murdered him. Period!
Where I am today, looking at it, I think I would prosecut him to the fullest I could. Even-though he was my father. But this point is moot.
He is dead, cancer got him, & good riddance.

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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