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#54308 - 03/16/03 07:19 AM Would you sue your perp.
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Would you sue your perp.

As I have done all my lobbying at the capital I come to realize how little it will affect most of my brothers here at Male Survivors. Yes if I could snap the figure and change the laws all over the world it still wouldnít help most victims here. Most victims would be powerless to sue their perps. How do you sue your sister, mother, father, and brother, uncle, cousin, babysitter, and the older kid next door? Sure it could help Dave sue the headmaster at the school or Bob to sue the scoutmaster but as you can see most perps would never be sued in civil court.
So now I wonder why I am doing all this work for how few it will help. I keep telling myself that it is for all victims of CSA but in reality it will help so few. Itís such a sad state of affairs that most perps will never face criminal or civil justice. The one good thing that has come out of my work at the capital is I am educating the REPS on what CSA is all about. They can never say that they donít understand.
Are we fighting a losing battle that can never be won?
On the + + + + + side I know that all the work we do here at male survivor will help todayís children deal with the evil of CSA. I see so many young victims (18-23) coming here to begin their healing it gives me hope. Now if we can only teach the children to never hide in the silence, that would be a major step forward. Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#54309 - 03/16/03 09:18 AM Re: Would you sue your perp.
taipan Offline
Member

Registered: 03/09/03
Posts: 57
Loc: CT
Thank you for all the work you are doing! YES, if my perp had anything I would sue the SOB (now that my secret is out). I'm not sure that would help me heal any, but some sort of justice would be nice, and some financial benefit would sure help my family.


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#54310 - 03/16/03 12:59 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Thank you for the hard work you are doing with legislators.

To be honest, I don't know if I would sue my perp(s) or not and here is why. Actually a few years back an attorney wanted to do this but I wasn't ready to even think about it.

I'm not sure what good it would do for me in my situation. Maybe it would help in some way for my healing that I can not see at this time. However I've been involved with some trials for corporations and they are not fun. They are draining and take a lot of energy out of you. So from that perspective, I just don't know if I could say it is worth all that which would be drained from me. Again, I may just not be at a point where I can see the benefits.

I am trying to move forward from everything and I am not sure taking the matter to court now would do much of anything for anyone. One perp is very old and physically in bad shape and another (I have no clue about).

It would have been nice to file criminal complaints against them, but in the state I grew up in, by the time I was ready to do this, the statue of limitations had run out. This part makes me the most angry. I think we need to have a "federal" statue of limitations that applies to each and every state and it needs to be more than 5 years after the incident. This country has to get tough on this and I mean tough! Someone abuses a child, well they don't deserve to live in society for no amount of money. I would rather house than in a 2x2 cell for the rest of their waking life.

What I have done instead is I wrote to the Attorney General of the state where my perps live and where everything happened. I told them about the incidients involving me and told them that i was concerned they could be doing it to other children. I also told them that if someone came forward and needed me to testify to help substantiate an act of abuse by one of these perps, I would do it in a seconds notice. They did write to me and took my letter seriously as I think they did some investigation. However since these matters are confidential, I am not allowed to know what happened and that angers me greatly.

So besides the changing of the statue of limitations for all states, I think if you bring an allegation or circumstancial allegation of child abuse forward, you should as the party alleging, be able to find out what is being done.

I really hate it when states and perps hide behind the law.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#54311 - 03/16/03 03:35 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
Muldoon my brother:

If one child can be saved from a perp who was set loose by another, your work is worthwhile. Just one.

Our Lord, Jesus Christ commanded his disciples: "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14. These, and many other teachings lead us to understand just how important these young ones are in God's sight.

They are the future of His kingdom, the future of His church on earth, the future of Mankind, and the future of Our Redeemer. That is why we devote such resources to their welfare.

That is why we sacrifice our selves. For that which we do for the least of our brothers and sisters, we have done for HIM.

If I can stop one child from being abused by my perp... If I can connect with just one of my perps' survivors, and prevent him from going over the edge...if i can make the world a safer place for my children and the many others who wander the streets of my hometown, where my perps live...His will has been done.

Sorry to sound so preachy. But that is how I believe it to be today. As Madonna's (the pop queen) lyrics from her latest hit say:

I'm gonna break the cycle
I'm gonna shake up the system
I'm gonna destroy my ego
I'm gonna close my body now

Uh, uh

I think I'll find another way
There's so much more to know
I guess I'll die another day
It's not my time to go

For every sin, I'll have to pay
I've come to work, I've come to play
I think I'll find another way
It's not my time to go

I'm gonna avoid the cliche
I'm gonna suspend my senses
I'm gonna delay my pleasure
I'm gonna close my body now

I guess, die another day
I guess I'll die another day
I guess, die another day
I guess I'll die another day

Peace

Orodo

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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#54312 - 03/16/03 04:20 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Mark Crawford Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/30/02
Posts: 73
Loc: New Jersey
Muldoon...don't begin to doubt the good you are doing NOW! Orodo is correct...if you can help just one person who was victimized then your work has not been in vain. I can understand that in many cases a victim may have no interest in sueing his/her perp but for anyone who may need to take this step to bring themselves closure, they are entitled to have this opportunity.

In our society it is not acceptable to take justice into our own hands...we don't encourage abusing others for the wrongs they have done us. Instead our society allows us to bring matters to a court and should a jury or judge find that an individual has been wronged then some form of civil restitution may be awarded.

I KNOW THAT EVERY VICTIM OF SEXUAL ABUSE...will never be made whole again by ANY some of money. But this may be the only recourse to satisfaction or closure a victim may have. It may be the only forum in which they can address those who have inflicted so much harm.

WITHOUT A DOUBT....your actions are courageous and one day will bare fruit. I COMMEND YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO CONTINUE!!! Each and every victim will at least have that choice (to sue or not to). They certainly never had a choice when they were being abused! They may become empowered once again to adress these aggregious wrongs.

MARCH ON......Mark


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#54313 - 03/16/03 07:11 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Muldoon
Yes, I would sue everyone of them in an instant, but some are dead and from where I sit now the others are out of reach- legally speaking.

But we must always cling to the hope that just one child is saved or at least sees justice done, Orodo is right.

For that to happen we need people to bang on tables, write endless letters, make repeated 'phone calls.
People who have the ability and drive to persuade our elected representitives that what we have now is not good enough.

People like you Muldoon, thank you for all your efforts.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#54314 - 03/17/03 04:22 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
Muldoon,

Several others have already said this, but the work you are doing is for children of the future, not neccessarily for us.

If you are successful, hopefully many children of the next generation will never have to go through what we have. You are doing good work, and I envy your bravery and strength to be able to talk about your abuse to a room full of strangers.

Would I sue my perps? Probably not. I know that one had a stroke some years ago, and is in really bad shape (Something that I find very satisfying.) I have no idea about the other. But honestly, it wouldn't change anything, so I see no point. If you offered me immunity from prosecution, a machete, and an hour alone with them, I'd be far more sorely tempted to take you up on it. But ultimately, it would be no more helpful than suing them.

You are doing good work Muldoon and I, for one, am cheering you on.

Eric


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#54315 - 03/17/03 05:25 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Muldoon,

Image a big, still, calm lake in the early morning,
after lifetimes of stifling hot summer days and
nights. The air is cool, a blanket of fog covers
the lake, only the tree tops on the shore line can
be seen.

You are casting stones, one at time. As
legislators, their aids and others hear your story,
plop goes a stone on the lake, a separate stone for
each human being touched by your voice.

The fog is thick, but getting thinner. Those
stones have landed, perhaps only in one cove, but
the ripples travel far. You may never see or know
how many are touched, forever changed by the
ripples you set in motion. Others may be laughing
and calling you the fool, but such has happened to
all who try to change the waters.

Most of us can only stand in the safety of the
trees and watch as you march bravely down to the
shore with stones in your backpack. All I can do
is hand you more stones and say "Don't give up!".


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#54316 - 03/17/03 08:24 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
I like that last post Tom.

If we can sue our perps it becomes a public act. They are exposed. People will be more careful around the perps and keep their kids away. He will live afraid that his latest victims might come forth. Hopefully he will stop any further abuse.

We get the strength to speak out everytime one of us breaks the silence and exposes a child harmer.

I plan to put together some material and do the same thing you have done Tom, both at the city and county level as well as at the State level.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#54317 - 03/17/03 09:38 PM Re: Would you sue your perp.
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
this is sooooooo fantanstic. ROCK ON DEAN I think I may have told you earlier that I started similar activity here in Maine. Imagine a world where NO PERP IS SAFE to PERP AGAIN?????????? hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahah Then pray for it, then make it happen. His will be done...

Peace

orodo

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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