considering all, i dont think that's a bad ending. the fact you have pulled yourself up as far as you have is remarkable. i wish you the best. a simple life with simple things can sometimes be the best. i have a simple job, a small home, a couple old cars. we live check to check, but it is a good life. i wouldnt trade it for anything. i wish you as well, and hope someday you can make peace with all that has happened in some way.

thanks phoster

but sometimes i think im gonna fall back down again. i still dont have a job here. my sister is now giving me money, just so i can pay rent. she says its a christmas present but she is already paying for me to go spend christmas with her, i know she just feels sorry for me. i drink pretty much every day. i know it is better than being homeless but i feel like im not very far from it. i am not even sure if im trying anymore... the main focus is just, keeping alive... and not becoming totally insane... well we will see how that turns out i guess

Hey Bat,

That took a lot of courage, to write all of that down, wow. I agree with Poster, you've pulled yourself together very well, after all of that happened.
Keep talking alright, you've got friends here!

Alexander

You're a survivor in the truest sense. But what strikes me about you Bat, is that, although obviously scarred, you've come out a good person that doesn't want to hurt anyone and just wants to live his life and be left alone.

Sure you did the best you could, and you know what? You didn't do that bad either, cuz you had a shitty deal growing up, I can't really imagine a better storyline given how you had to start out in life.

Hi Bat,

Geez you've been through hell but shown strength and cleverness throughout. You got your GED-- an awesome accomplishment with all the chaos in your life. You never gave up on things getting better.

I'm glad you posted it, and like the other posters I read every word. Bat, that had to be really tough for you to post.

don't be afraid or embarrassed to take your sisters help for now. she cares about you and it is ok to get help when you need it.

Hang in there, keep up the good fight.

Halibut

Bat,
This took an enormous amount of courage. I'm in awe of how you have been able to survive at every level. You're safe here with us and with your story. ya know, you didn't HAVE to tell us the whole story, but now that you did, I understand you a lot more. I now know where all the pain is coming from. Glad you're here. Keep posting. It will help. We're here for you.
Paul

Bat,

I have read every word you have typed -

no matter what life has dealt you - you have always found a way to make it through - you got a lot of stength in you

it takes a lot of courage to post about our pasts - but I hope that you are finding that people here really do understand

keep talking - we are listening - and we do care

TJ jeff

Batcountry,

I read all of it. I have not met you. But I have great respect for you. As others have said, you are a survivor in all sense of the word.

I have a friend who was homeless and on the street for a time as a teenager, and doing sexual things for money. He is the strongest person I know, and has more integrity then most anyone I've met. Such past things can't tarnish what is real about a person.

I am glad you have found yourself here, and I hope you remain, and continue to make use of this site. There are very good people here who can give good advice, and just be here to hear what you say and understand. Please take good gentle care of yourself.

Leosha

thank all you guys so much for all these responses. they are way more positive than i thought they would be. and it makes me feel like i didnt make a mistake in posting it, and maybe im not quite as bad a person as i think i am

today is a new day. the past doesnt have to own you.