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#54106 - 03/06/06 04:16 PM Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
mark250676 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/06
Posts: 310
Loc: England
Just been called to a meeting regarding my sickness record at work, related to my depression. They laughingly call it a counselling interview! 2pm tomorow.

It helps to know that the board is here and I also thought I'd pass on a bit of info that may help some people in the same situation. I just been told by my unison steward that depression comes under the disability discrimination act and this legislation can be very powerful. I don't know a lot about it but am just going to check out the mind website about it.

All the best mark

_________________________
Survivor and fighter!

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#54107 - 03/06/06 04:19 PM Re: Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
well, if they want a meeting, that doesnt sound too bad. around here, if they are really upset, you just dont have a job.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#54108 - 03/06/06 04:22 PM Re: Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

I'm glad your Unison steward is in on this and watching your back. I know what a debilitating thing depression can be, and so should the people who will talk to you. It's not something you can control through an act of will, and certainly it is not your fault if you suffer from this problem.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#54109 - 03/06/06 05:38 PM Re: Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
Kirk Wayne Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/05
Posts: 499
Loc: Shrewsbury UK
Mark

Absolutely depression falls within disability discrimination laws. Unions are pretty good as far as this sort of discrimination stuff is concerned, pleased that your getting in touch with Mind, good people there and there should be a local office to you.

As a sufferer of clinical depression I know most people do not understand it and usually end up saying stupid things like "pull yourself together", that sort of statement really gets up my nose now

Take it easy

Kirk
"Lets grab this bull by the horns and swing it about a bit"


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#54110 - 03/07/06 09:04 PM Re: Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
mark250676 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/06
Posts: 310
Loc: England
Decided to be honest and say everything thats happened apart from my arrest. They seemed to understand but said about three times that I would lose my job if I continued to be off sick for such lengths of time.

Everytime I open up it helps in someways and hurts in others. Why should I sell my soul to explain to some HR person why I've been off sick? Depression seems to mean any question is fair game. You break your leg they don't ask you what your relationship with your wife is like now your legs in plaster? You've got depression they want to know everything.

Shouldn't complain though I know others have been treated a lot worse by their employers on this board.

All the best.

Mark

_________________________
Survivor and fighter!

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#54111 - 03/07/06 11:48 PM Re: Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

I work in Germany so I can't say what is allowed in the USA. Here, if I have a doctor's note saying I am unable to work, no reason is given nor can the reason be sought. The point is that the doctor says I can't work. That's it.

Isn't there some similar protection of a patient's confidential rights in the States?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#54112 - 03/13/06 03:49 PM Re: Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
mark250676 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/06
Posts: 310
Loc: England
Just been to an occupational health meeting and the doctor wants to put me on a phased return to work over a month. I think she means well but I'm not sure if this is going to mean a cut in wages, I work for a local authority and think I'll be on full pay. It means I have to trust another person that they want to help me and I'm not good at that. Waiting for it to be all about grooming again!

_________________________
Survivor and fighter!

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#54113 - 03/13/06 05:25 PM Re: Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

That feeling of distrust is one of the biggest problems for a survivor I think. But remember that this is Little Mark talking. As a boy he trusted everyone and look how that turned out. As a child he now goes to the other extreme and trusts no one.

Here what he needs is a strong adult to take him by the hand and assure him that this is not what is happening. He needs to feel he is being heard and respected, but he also needs firm guidance. Every kid feels safer when he has clear rules and boundaries.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#54114 - 03/13/06 05:47 PM Re: Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
mark250676 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/06
Posts: 310
Loc: England
Larry,
Just about everyone of your responses to my posts have raised issues for me, in a positive manner. Thats what I love about this place you get understanding that I've never found anywhere else so far!

The little boy before the abuse challeneged authority and hated rules. He still lives on and my body seems split at the moment. Part of me wants rules and another deep rooted part of me hates them. I left home at 17 at the soonest oppurtunity as I didn't want anyone to think my mum and dad where part of the abuse or that I had a sexual relationship with them. I never did but the abuse put the threat of every relationship being 'sexualised' against my will. This made me lose the relationships I have with my family as I didn't want to give them the chance to do this, even though they loved me and wouldn't have.

Thanks larry and everyone else on this forum. I know I'm getting there and for the first time ever I called myself a survivor outside of the bounds of the forum. It felt good! Real good!

Mark

_________________________
Survivor and fighter!

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#54115 - 03/13/06 07:01 PM Re: Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

Quote:
It felt good! Real good!
It's so cool when we get to read that kind of post! I'm glad you are coming along so well.

I think all teenagers hate rules; that's part of growing up and exploring the new possibilities and adventures of life that come with approaching adulthood. But at the same time I also think that deep down, teenagers still want the stability of rules, of living within safe boundaries set by others.

But of course an abused kid doesn't think any of this is in place. The world isn't safe and who is he to trust now? Not even himself, as your last post illustrates. He has been traumatically sexualized and has no sense of boundaries for how his sexuality should be expressed. He feels lost, endangered, and out of control.

Healing has a lot to do with learning how to put all this in context and realizing that neither our abuse experiences nor our feelings about ourselves should define us.

That's not to say that abuse has no effects on us. Of course it does. My point would be that if I FEEL like a shameful man, I have to acknowledge that feeling; I have to own it and work on it.

But what I DON'T have to do is admit that I AM a shameful man. We have to remember that feelings like this originate in the fears and confusion of a traumatized and defenseless boy. These are of course not his fault; they show us once again how meager a boy's emotional resources are when he has to cope with genuinely horrifying danger.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#54116 - 03/13/06 10:15 PM Re: Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Mark
As a fellow UNISON member and one time shop steward I know that the Union takes depression very seriously, as should any decent employer.

I also think that honesty is by far the best way to deal with these kind of problems, bullshitting won't wash.
I work for a major utility ( water ) company and they just crap themselves when stress or depression is mentioned incase the employee say's it's job related.
My manager knows about my history and about my depressive times, we work together to make everything go as smoothly as possible for both of us. But I'm lucky to have a good manager at the moment, the last one was an arse who just got on my case. But in the end I won through because I never once bullshitted him or made excuses.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#54117 - 03/13/06 11:23 PM Re: Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

Just another point that I thought of. There is such a lot of prejudice in society where emotional conditions are concerned. And as Dave's comments illustrate, employers get allergic to all this real fast because of the costs involved in time off and therapy.

But look at it this way. Suppose you had been badly injured in an accident and had to have x amount of time off for recovery and physiotherapy. Can you imagine either your employer questioning your physician's verdicts or you accepting such nonsense? I bet I know the answer!

Why should it be any different where depression is concerned?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#54118 - 03/14/06 02:50 PM Re: Wish me luck and a bit of work related info that might help.
mark250676 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/06
Posts: 310
Loc: England
People just seem to find it so much more difficult to accept. Something happened between the two meetings which I think demonstrates this. At the first meeting with HR I was nervous because I wasn't sure what would happen. Due to the short notice I din't take a unison rep, I will from now on!

When I meet the occupational health doctor yesterday she said that it had been reported by HR that I was abusing alcohol as I had been shaking in the interview. I started to get angry and explain that it may have been a coping mechaism in the past, years ago, but even if I wanted it to be now it couldn't becuase my citolapram has totally lowered by alcohol tolerance and I'm sick after about two pints. The doctor said she thought the remark was strange but felt HR made it in my best interests!

HR weren't qualified to make this remark and if they were concerned should have mentioned it then! I felt so angry but also feel vunerable so don't want to make enemies at the moment. But I just think it highlights the way people seem to deal with depression!

_________________________
Survivor and fighter!

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