It's so cool when we get to read that kind of post! I'm glad you are coming along so well.
I think all teenagers hate rules; that's part of growing up and exploring the new possibilities and adventures of life that come with approaching adulthood. But at the same time I also think that deep down, teenagers still want the stability of rules, of living within safe boundaries set by others.
But of course an abused kid doesn't think any of this is in place. The world isn't safe and who is he to trust now? Not even himself, as your last post illustrates. He has been traumatically sexualized and has no sense of boundaries for how his sexuality should be expressed. He feels lost, endangered, and out of control.
Healing has a lot to do with learning how to put all this in context and realizing that neither our abuse experiences nor our feelings about ourselves should define us.
That's not to say that abuse has no effects on us. Of course it does. My point would be that if I FEEL like a shameful man, I have to acknowledge that feeling; I have to own it and work on it.
But what I DON'T have to do is admit that I AM a shameful man. We have to remember that feelings like this originate in the fears and confusion of a traumatized and defenseless boy. These are of course not his fault; they show us once again how meager a boy's emotional resources are when he has to cope with genuinely horrifying danger.