I'm writing back and forth with one of the wives of one of the guys here. we're talking about the things that survivors did because of the abuse. she's trying to understand her husband. Can anybody share the things they did that hurt themselves or their family? Thanks.

[ 07-24-2001: Message edited by: big bear ]

Big Bear, I agree with Billy Mills that it (coming to grips with the abuse one suffered) takes a long time, if at all. Several months ago I wrote a post as to why it took me 51 YEARS to try and deal with the past of 1949 & 1951. Most of my other relatives don't agree with my thinking. I even was told that my parents were NEVER told of what happened to me when I was a little boy in a long term care hospital. I was even turned down by doctors, and a Catholic priest when I tried to deal with the past. Things were so fucked up here in this city last summer when two men were held for sexually abusing many boys and all hell brokelose. I finally decided to seek help, and the counselor tells me the whole getting back to a "good life" could take several YEARS. The American public is just beginning to deal with male rape of little boys and thange DOES take time. Please tell that woman that the whold process is NOT easy and she should stay with him through think and thin as the saying goes. Bosishere

it takes a long time to get over, the mind tries to help deal with it sometimes by memory loss, or minimizing it.

Learning about myself is a lifelong task, and the abuse has made the task more difficult.

Big Bear,

she is welcome to read my story, it is posted here under the our stories section, it tells a fair amount of what the journey has been like for me.

John

Big Bear. . .
Among the things I did that "hurt" myself including compulsive masterbation and cutting. I cut my feet (actually the callouses till they bled). I really didn't understand why I was doing it or think much about it till until recently. I have been in therapy for a number of years. When my shrink found out - he about fell onthe floor.

For people like me - this type of behavior can be common. It was quite a shock to realize there was relationship between what I was doing and what I was feeling - and why i was feeling it. It's difficult to talk about. . but I want to help.

Other behaviors including dangerous s/m sex with guys - putting myself in real danger. . and not feeling it. . . All i wanted was relief from incredible anxiety. . . and the pain from the physcial abuse seemed to drown out the pain I was expereicing. I didn't feel good enough about myself - that there was something to protect. I didn't understand that there was something wrong about getting it. All that matter was afterwards - that I was calm . . I let the frustration "out of my body."

Well, i hope I've gone in enough detail to help. . I hope she stays with him. . . Support means a lot (as well all know)

D.