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#54035 - 04/18/04 11:35 AM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Ken,

As MikeNY has said; "there's two types of bikers, those who have been down, and those who are going down". There is a lot of truth to that.

I had met this girl who wanted to know if I had laid my bike down yet, before she would ride with me. Yeap. On the street bike, I ended up with a broken shin bone when I laid my down and 'kicked' and bent the foot peg. That was the (hopefully) last time that had happened. Prior to that, one of the first times I had a passenger I inadvertantly pulled a wheely and 'dropped' my passenger. I see the logic for asking first and only riding with people that have gotten there fall out of the way.

The dirt and trial bikes are a bit different. There are a lot of falls involved. I have dislocated a shoulder out in the middle of nowhere and on another occassion broken a couple of ribs. I have learned, it is easier to reset a dislocated shoulder than it appears (ouch).

Enough of my misery,
Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#54036 - 04/18/04 11:58 AM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Ken. I am sorry I have not written sooner. Was at a Food Show with my Wife in Toronto.

You have received a hell of a lot to good comments and advice from the greatest bunch of guys that I have ever come across.

Ken I live in Mississauga and work in Toronto. Yes the Men's Project in Ottawa is a great one. Rick Goodwin the Director is on our Board of Directors.

In Toronto there is also the Gatehouse near Lakeshore and Kipling which runs mens groups througout the year. They also have a peer mentoring support group that I have been a part of.

If you would like to contact me directly please send me a PM.

My life was screwed up when I was raped at Military College in Quebec by three guys when I was 16 17. I am 63 now and did nothing about it till I was 56.

Stick with us. You have joined a unique brotherhood.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#54037 - 04/18/04 01:42 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Ken,

welcome here. I think everyone here can relate to trying to avoid thinking or dealing with what has happened with us, or 'overcompensating' by being 'manly men'.

The first thing, you say you are embarrassed to be here. I recall feeling the same way when first I come here. But embarrassment comes from shame, and the shame should NOT be ours. It will take time before you are able to get beyond that feeling, but it is possible. I am starting to realize that I can put the shame and anger where it belongs, which is at the people who hurt me, not in myself.

Please know that 99.99% of the people here are genuine and supportive. Once in great while you will come across someone who is not who they present themselves as, or someone who is jackass that they DO present themself as! There is a saying to remember all compliments, and forget all insults. Well, same can be true here. If people tell you good things, supportive things, and make good suggestions, keep those in your mind. Other thigs, let them go and assume they are the words of someone in more pain and confusion then you.

I wish you good luck in the healing process. You have taken a big step, just to come here. Congratulations.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#54038 - 04/18/04 07:33 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Ken - I was also groomed and then abused by an adult when I was 12. It was at a time when I was vulnerable and in need of a friend!

He was/is a pervert, I was just a kid!

No blame & no shame

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#54039 - 04/18/04 11:16 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
Ken,

It's good to get some of this stuff out in the open isn't it. I kept it all inside for 38 years before I told anyone at all.

Find a good therapist who has dealt with sexual child abuse of boys. I did that and I started to learn what feelings were about. I felt good and I felt bad but I felt.

I ride too. It's one of the things that I really enjoy doing.

Take good care of yourself Ken, the things that you're feeling and experiencing are some of the common effects of abuse. You're with friends here.

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#54040 - 04/19/04 11:03 AM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
survive75 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
Ken - sorry I have not written sooner. I've been away for a bit. I'm sorry that you need a place like this, but am so glad you found us.

In the past six months, I have been helped more by this site than years of therapy I think. Just knowing that you aren't alone. Knowing that people understand what you are going through. It's intense. It's a great group of guys.

So welcome, and hope you keep posting. It's not only your pain anymore... it's ours now too.

-Sean

_________________________
-Sean

"Even though I know/I donít want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"

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#54041 - 04/19/04 04:59 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
onefastbike Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 84
Loc: Toronto
I wanted to thank everyone for the very warm welcome and the support you have given me.

It is such a relief to know that I'm not the only one with a "dirty little secret".

I had some real reservations about posting here, but I did it anyway. I have turned to the internet in the past for understandng and support and I ended up getting it by the bucket full from all over the world. (heck I even ended up getting published in a couple of news papers)

here is the link to that:

http://www.sportbikes.net/forums/showthread.php?t=20782&highlight=fuzzy1

It was that experience that taught me there are some really good people out there.

With that said what I am going through now makes what I went through then seem minor. I'm very greatfull to have a place like this to come to, with people like you here.

Thanks all!

_________________________
Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick once and you suck forever.

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#54042 - 04/19/04 06:26 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Ken the offer still stands. I have contacts in Toronto if you need them.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#54043 - 04/19/04 07:25 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Ken
I've just read all through this remarkable topic, and there isn't much I can add to the great help the guys have already given, although I can add some more support.

I've also read the topic on the bike site that you link to, and your story - for all it's sadness - adds to my faith that there are good and decent people out there and that online communities can be a great help.

It also pointed out to me why I haven't got a bike anymore, I'm 50yo and can't drive to the shop in my Landcruiser unless it's flat out !
And bikes have come a long way since I had a 500cc Triumph ;\)

So take care, be a Survivor.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#54044 - 04/20/04 08:11 AM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
onefastbike Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 84
Loc: Toronto
Well today isn't such a good day.

What ever triggered me a few days ago hasn't let up.

Last night while watching TV (Monster House rocks!) I felt my heart start racing, my skin became flushed. If I had to put a word to it I would say I was having an anxiety attack. I don't think I've ever had one of those so I'm not sure that is what was happening to me. All I can say is I went from calm and enoying a good tv show to this state of anxiety to a state of pure white rage. I took my dog for a walk hoping that I could figure out what was going on but that didn't help. I ended up spending most of the night in bed suffering through this silent rage.
I am not comfortable with the thought or sensation of losing control of my emotions. Having control over them has got me through life this far,,,

_________________________
Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick once and you suck forever.

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