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#54025 - 04/17/04 10:06 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Ken,

Welcome. There is no embarassment in getting help coping with what he had done to you. The embarassment, shame, disgust, and you name it is his, that thing that claimed to be a man, a teacher, and a scout leader.

The guys have pretty much said it all. Joe was really on a roll tonight and gave you a lot of good insight along with the others.

Welcome, take care, and don't be afraid or embarassed to ask a question, post a concern or let out a rant.

Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#54026 - 04/17/04 10:07 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
onefastbike Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 84
Loc: Toronto
I just got off the phone with the toronto Rape crisis center.

Probably one of the saddest/funniest experiences of my life.

I'm not sure what i expected, but I did expect her to display some interest..lol. Kinda felt like I woke her up.

I know it was probably a random bad experience, but I'm not sure I'll be calling them back.

Quote:
Originally posted by theo:
ken,
this stuff comes hard won, i assure \:D . do not feel embarrassed by not being able to discover it yourself. when we only have the experience of forcing squares into triangle holes, our way of finding solutions will necessarily be very limited. it begins tonight, my friend. there is an image i frequently use that means a lot to me. it is the image drawn from my thelogy research from a master of the discipline. he speaks of the ever expanding horizon as representing the journey we are on in reaching for the holy and the sacred. to me this is about hope. there have been many times i have felt close to the end. in fact, i tried to commit suicide as a child, and once as an adult. when i am feeling so down, it is a struggle of epic proportions to turn my head to the horizon when it is buried in the dirt, but i succeed somehow. we are here to welcome you. you are no longer alone, ken, we stand with you.


_________________________
Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick once and you suck forever.

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#54027 - 04/17/04 10:24 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
Nancy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 15
Loc: USA
Ken,
Hi, I'm new here too. From a female perspective, I think you're great & doing the right thing by writing to these guys. They will help you & support you & carry you through. I've been on the site for a weeks & I've seen it happen. They are all wonderful. People on this site care. It's like family. Hang in there & know that you have lots of friends here who will listen. Take care of yourself & remember, you are special.
The girl with the big heart,
Nancy


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#54028 - 04/17/04 10:32 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
Nancy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 15
Loc: USA
Ken,
One more thing. Remember, you're not alone. And you were never at fault. We care for you & believe in you.
Take care.
The girl with the big heart,
Nancy


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#54029 - 04/17/04 10:47 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
I know what helped me find a good therapist, it was the Male Survivor Directory. There is a therapist in Toronto on the list.

Jeremy Tomlinson

I know that he will show more interest then the women at the Rape Crisis Center.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#54030 - 04/17/04 10:53 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
Dale English Offline
Newsletter Founder/Producer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
Ken,

Suggestion...contact "The Men's Project" in Ottawa and ask them to refer you to someone trained in male sexual abuse in Toronto. You can reach them at counsellingservices@themensproject.ca

You can also click on "survivors" at the top of the page and look under "find a therapist". If you need more help don't be afraid to ask.

Taz


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#54031 - 04/17/04 10:55 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
Dale English Offline
Newsletter Founder/Producer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
Ken

Just found a name of a therapist in Toronto who is a member of MaleSurvivor. His name is Jeremy Tomlinson, M.Ed. 416-486-2161. Good luck.

Taz


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#54032 - 04/17/04 10:58 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
Your crash has mine beat. I mostly broke my ego and my bike. I've had mixed results with the rape crisis centers. One near me has wonderful people who are fully educated and familiar with all kinds of Sexual Assault and Abuse, another has very limited knowledge and resources. Try the one in the next town / county. You can also try looking for a therapist by using the feature on this site. I have contacted one of the ones from this site that is close to me and asked for references to a therapist in my area.

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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#54033 - 04/17/04 11:46 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
faceinthecrowd Offline
Member

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 40
Ken,Welcome////////I also set out to be the man of all men.I also was molested by a trusted teacher.I have had the same feelings and questions loaded with emotion.You are now on your way of becoming a man like no other.A man who is now healing and not hiding.There is no pain like healing.The men here are exceptional,they are well above the worlds definition of what real men are.Deal and heal cause you gotta feel./////////////////faceman


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#54034 - 04/17/04 11:58 PM Re: Very embarassed to be here, but not sure where else to go...
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Ken,

First, let me say what's already been said. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I'm glad you found this place. Everyone who comes here understands what you've gone through and are going through. You shouldn't feel embarassed, although it's perfectly normal. Everything you feel is normal and to be expected.

Now, to further prove you're not alone in this, I was sexually abused and raped by a school counsellor over the course of, I don't know, months when I was 11 and 12. He did it all at school. I repressed it for over twenty years until you see an adult who feels like it was yesterday.

Everything you're dealing with, the emotional isolation, the embarassment, the shame, ALL of it I've dealt with and continue to deal with.

A couple of things you can't hear enough. Ken, it wasn't your fault. IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT. If you take nothing else away from this, take that away with you. YOU WERE NEVER TO BLAME AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ASHAMED.

Also, by talking about it, you're taking back some of the power this animal took from you. And he did take it away, you know it. You've carried this damn secret long enough and you've felt ashamed for too damn long. Talk about it as much as you need to.

I, too, felt I "put up" with the bad stuff (God, just HEARING you say that, I felt your pain because I SAID THE SAME THING!) in order to get the love I felt I should. NEVER, NEVER FEEL THAT YOU HAVE TO "TRADE" LOVE. This monster taught you this, and it's the biggest lie of them all. What you did, and how you felt, was what a child would feel. There's no shame in it. The abuser used this to get what he wanted and it was NEVER your fault.

There's a lot of wisdom here, a lot of support. Without this board, I would be dead now. Come here as often as you need to and vent, post, observe, whatever you need to. I for one am excited to hear what you have to say.

One last thing, Ken. There's something I always say to any new brother I meet here. It's a bit offputting to some, because of what we may have experienced. But I mean it truly and I feel you need to hear it. I love you, Ken. There's no strings attached to it and I want nothing in return.

PM me or any of the other brothers if you feel the need to. We're always here for you.

Peace and love, Ken. You've found a good place to start healing.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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