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#53820 - 07/23/01 02:50 PM Men's Groups ?
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Everyone,
As I read all the post and replies, I read of a lot of men going to men's groups. I would really like to be in a men's group for abused men but I can't find any in Baltimore or around it . I don't want to drive the 50 miles to DC unless that is the only group that I can find. If ANYONE knows where in or around Baltimore that there is a men's group or where I could get help to find one...Please let me know!
There is a men's group that I go to once a week...my wife found it for me and goes with me and sets in the car for an hour. The "SA", WOW...these men are really far out! Most of them are hide any where and jack off type of guys! Some have too many girl friends. No one said anything about being abused as a kid and having act it out problems. We set in a 30' circle for 60 minites...30 to 40 men. I'm afraid to say anything to the group, so I set there and listen. One jack off story after another...talk about triggers...this drives me nuts!!! When it is over, I'm gone as fast as I can get pass everyone huging each other and trading phone numbers. My wife wants to know how it went...I'm kind of in shock and try to explan it but I never get it right. These guys are way too friendly for me right now, maybe in time? I can't see myself getting up and saying that I'm Eddie a sexolic and telling my story and why I'm there, they would want to kill me! Got to go at 1930 tonight, Hope that tonight is not the night that I have a panic attack and go nuts on these people!

Eddie


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#53821 - 07/23/01 09:20 PM Re: Men's Groups ?
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
there are groups for incest or sexual abuse survivors. if you are not a sex addict, those groups might not help you. See if there is a support system in your town for survivors, sometimes a YWCA will have a program for survivors.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#53822 - 07/24/01 02:40 PM Re: Men's Groups ?
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
After last night's meeting I would also say if you are not a sex addict don't go to the SA, these people are so far out there that the SA abuses them and they love it! Spent an hour listening to men wine and complain about how much shame they felt for masterbating...if they are ashame for masterbating what whould they do if they had been sexually adused...drop dead ????
The YMCA has nothing for abused men in baltimore nor does anyone else. Lots of groups for women but none at all for men...what is this crap...did abused men fall through the cracks in baltimore ?????? Baltimore is not a small place, what about out in the sticks...you just never tell anyone ? ...never find help! Now if I'm screwed in baltimore for being abused when I was a kid, what about all the other men out there that are going nuts from this ? Men having problems with sex now from being abused when a child..no one wants to even talk about it! Where I lived the older boys sexually abused the boys a lot more then the girls because they said that they didn't want to knock the girls up. This most likely happened a lot everywhere...why is there not any help for men out there ????? I have been looking for a men's group for 10 months when my flashbacks started, now with almost total recall the sex thing is driving me nuts too. I do pay for help..Pdoc and therapist but why isn't there any goverment or group help for men ?

Still Looking...SEND HELP!,
Eddie


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#53823 - 07/24/01 02:43 PM Re: Men's Groups ?
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
eddie,

i went to some SA meetings, just to see how it fit for me, i had a similar reaction, i found SIA survivors of incest anonymous or ISA same words diff psotions, i had much better luck. I went back to SA meetings years later, as part of an outreach effort trying to get the word out about other meetings for guys that had been abused, so they could work on there abuse issues in abuse meetings and there acting out issues in other meetings, that make any sense?

The SA meetings were just as hard on me the second time around, i could not deal with it much, too triggering for too many reasons.

Just my two cents.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#53824 - 07/24/01 02:49 PM Re: Men's Groups ?
dbr1955 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/30/01
Posts: 69
Loc: Michigan
I have not been to a s a meeting, but I know someone that has been, it s ounds like a pity party to me.

is sex addiction from sexual abuse? maybe not? You should not touch anyone if they are not ready a physical hug included. Trust must be built first.

I would think that if a person attended sa meetings, they would get over the shame. First they need to get to the root of the problem.

_________________________
Doug

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#53825 - 07/25/01 04:32 AM Re: Men's Groups ?
Neil Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/00
Posts: 81
Loc: Millersville, MD, USA
Getteddie...... Boy did I feel your frustration about 2 1/2 yrs. ago. I live in AA Co. MD and when I decided to look for a therapist and a group there were none to be found close by. I had been to see a general therapist in Annapolis a few times but wanted to find one that specialized in men abused as boys. I made about 50 phone calls and followed up every lead I could without much luck. I used the resource directory in the back of Mike Lew's book "Victims No Longer". After about a month of frustrating phone calls I finally found a therapist and a group in DC. I was in a desperate mode so I agreed to make the trip once a week. Although it was tough, getting on that Metro every Monday afternoon, it was well worth the trip. The group was small (5) and all the men were real and honest. One of the group policies was that we not get too graphic so we wouldn't trigger others in the group. I liked that a lot. Very respectful. I attended the group for 2 yrs. until I felt strong enough to make it on my own. It was a very rewarding experience. If you are willing to go to DC I may be able to help hook you up with this therapist. If not you may want to check with your local Rape Crisis Center. I've talked with the one here some and found out there are a lot of men coming forward now and calling their hotline for help. I'm not sure if they have groups available but it's worth a shot. You can e-mail me if you would like some help: somdcatman@aol.com Good luck in your search. Hang in there, something will come up. Neil


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#53826 - 07/25/01 09:04 AM Re: Men's Groups ?
Anonymous
Unregistered


I think you guys are great. Its wonderful the way we help each other out. Its a great feeling. Unfortunately, I do not have the name of a group in the DC/Balto area to recommend. I suggest contacting one of the major hospitals. . like Johns Hopkins . Also you should (and maybe you have already) checked the resource directory within this site. There might be someone listed.

My experience with Sex Addicts group was frustrating. It really didn't address the issues i was facing, nor the feelings. if anything they just addressed the behavior.

D.


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#53827 - 07/25/01 10:43 AM Re: Men's Groups ?
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
try contacting these people:

SURVIVORS OF INCEST ANONYMOUS
WORLD SERVICES OFFICE
P. O. Box 190
BENSON,MD21018
(410) 893-3322

they have a site at:
http://www.siawso.org/

worked for me.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#53828 - 07/25/01 11:05 AM Re: Men's Groups ?
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I started my own SIA group up w 3 friends, it
lasted about 7 months, some keep going.
check w a sexual assualt program (YWCA) in your area. They may know of a meeting.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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