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#53412 - 01/01/05 02:14 AM A year here - the candle burns brightly
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Today is my first anniversary on this site (looked here a few days before, but New Year was my significant moment) -what a year it's been.

*Found the BEST GROUP OF BROTHERS anywhere - yes you!
*Found that I have some of the best and most supportive friends that I could ever wish for. One of my friends in particular deserves a knighthood for services to humanity - has stood by me when I have changed mood more times than a clock ticks. Has allowed me to openly sob all over him in a public place (York *I frightened the death out of a Canadian tourist that had joined us for drinks). My 2 other best friends that know have listened to me and supported me with humour / invitations / telephone calls etc.
*Have been supported at work by people that are allegedly 'ice'.
*Have recognised that I am 'worthy'.
*Traced an old friends grave (killed in an accident at 16 when I was 15).
*Faced up to the fact that I have not grieved for anyone that has died since I was abused & have now allowed myself to do so.
*Broke the vow that I made at 12 that I would never cry for, or over anyone again.
*Added a small tattoo to my collection, that is a Chinese Symbol meaning 'Promise or Vow' - I promise/vow to myself that I will never let myself get so low again - I touch it when I need to and recite that sentence.
*I have reclaimed the sites where I was abused throughout the seasons of the year.
*I made a 15 page statement of complaint against 'my abuser' to the police & also lost some of my dislike of 'people in authority' in the process (the policeman I spoke to is a really excellent human being - also recommended for honours).
*Finally told my sister - my biggest dread.
*My 3 best friends have now made statements to the police clarifying how I have been since I first opened 'Pandora's Box' to them. The 3rd statement was actually made today just after my friends Grandfather (a Dunkirk Veteran) had died - that's a real friend, he could have told them to come back later.
*Have now accepted that I am loved by many people.

I could go on - but what a difference from standing on a high bridge, looking down into the river & wanting to jump. All that stopped me was that the water was slow moving, so wouldn't carry me away & that I knew that when I hit the water I would start swimming. I have been swimming ever since (sometimes get tangled in the weeds, but I get away from them)... it's the river of life & I intend to swim there for as long as I can.

2005?

What an opportunity!

Best wishes / love / peace / happiness / achievement of your dreams / health / wealth and respect to everyone - from Rik in the greatest appreciation I can possibly give to everyone.

*A toast to you all - I'm having a 'glass' of The High Tree Cabernet Sauvignon, 2002 Vintage (McLaren Vale / Australia) - it's as warming to my heart as each of you are....sweet dreams!

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#53413 - 01/01/05 03:05 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Rik,

What a wonderful tribute and acclamation of life itself. This will touch anyone who reads here, tonight. It has touched me, deeply.

Thank you for reminding me to count my blessings,

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#53414 - 01/01/05 03:13 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Rik, David is right, very touching.

The best for the new year, you are making it happen

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#53415 - 01/01/05 04:08 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
You all make it happen!

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#53416 - 01/01/05 04:15 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
You all make it happen!

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#53417 - 01/01/05 04:28 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
And do you know what - I have just read another post here & I still realise that I am just waiting for someone else to let me down....I don't think it's going to happen now....my fear is unreasonable...the support is without question!

That's me saying that - hell you've all got hope ...believe me.

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#53418 - 01/01/05 05:01 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
Michael Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/04
Posts: 92
Loc: Claremore, Oklahoma
Thanks Rick!

Wonderful comments!

Thanks everyone for the stregth you give to others!

_________________________
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers

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#53419 - 01/01/05 06:20 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
A year of healing......A year of hope.....

\:D

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#53420 - 01/01/05 10:31 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
daniel_ Offline
Member

Registered: 09/07/04
Posts: 41
Loc: Washington, DC
Thank you for that great, positive post!

May 2005 bring to you greater blessings than you can now even imagine.


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#53421 - 01/01/05 11:04 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Wishing you all the best life has to offer Rick. Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#53422 - 01/02/05 06:41 PM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
Glen Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 71
Loc: Wisconsin
Rik way to go. I am just starting my path. Thanks for the confidence builder..

_________________________
Please tell me why..

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#53423 - 01/03/05 01:02 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Rik there is nothing more to add. You have said it all. And you know what. You now are meeting the real you hidden for so long. Good feeling is it not.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#53424 - 01/03/05 05:40 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Rik - A very uplifting post, thanks so much for posting it.

_________________________
Eddie

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#53425 - 01/03/05 11:15 PM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Just to add - last year over Christmas / New Year, hardly anyone could get a word out of me. This year I couldn't shut up - New years day being the best example - I went to my sisters for a late lunch/evening meal with my Sister, Brother-in-Law & Niece. It was only supposed to be for a couple of hours, but turned into 7 & a half - we also consumed quite a bit of nice wine in that time. It's probably the best conversation I've had with my Brother-in-Law since before he married my sister about 28 years ago (he got drunk on my home brew that time - I used to make some good stuff - haven't made it for years).

Yes it's getting better - next year I suppose they will all be wearing ear plugs!

The whole point of this post is to give hope to others who despair of ever escaping from the pit - it takes a lot of hard work & it will never be 100% good, but come on you can all progress & you deserve to!

Best wishes again...love you all ..Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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