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#53412 - 01/01/05 02:14 AM A year here - the candle burns brightly
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Today is my first anniversary on this site (looked here a few days before, but New Year was my significant moment) -what a year it's been.

*Found the BEST GROUP OF BROTHERS anywhere - yes you!
*Found that I have some of the best and most supportive friends that I could ever wish for. One of my friends in particular deserves a knighthood for services to humanity - has stood by me when I have changed mood more times than a clock ticks. Has allowed me to openly sob all over him in a public place (York *I frightened the death out of a Canadian tourist that had joined us for drinks). My 2 other best friends that know have listened to me and supported me with humour / invitations / telephone calls etc.
*Have been supported at work by people that are allegedly 'ice'.
*Have recognised that I am 'worthy'.
*Traced an old friends grave (killed in an accident at 16 when I was 15).
*Faced up to the fact that I have not grieved for anyone that has died since I was abused & have now allowed myself to do so.
*Broke the vow that I made at 12 that I would never cry for, or over anyone again.
*Added a small tattoo to my collection, that is a Chinese Symbol meaning 'Promise or Vow' - I promise/vow to myself that I will never let myself get so low again - I touch it when I need to and recite that sentence.
*I have reclaimed the sites where I was abused throughout the seasons of the year.
*I made a 15 page statement of complaint against 'my abuser' to the police & also lost some of my dislike of 'people in authority' in the process (the policeman I spoke to is a really excellent human being - also recommended for honours).
*Finally told my sister - my biggest dread.
*My 3 best friends have now made statements to the police clarifying how I have been since I first opened 'Pandora's Box' to them. The 3rd statement was actually made today just after my friends Grandfather (a Dunkirk Veteran) had died - that's a real friend, he could have told them to come back later.
*Have now accepted that I am loved by many people.

I could go on - but what a difference from standing on a high bridge, looking down into the river & wanting to jump. All that stopped me was that the water was slow moving, so wouldn't carry me away & that I knew that when I hit the water I would start swimming. I have been swimming ever since (sometimes get tangled in the weeds, but I get away from them)... it's the river of life & I intend to swim there for as long as I can.

2005?

What an opportunity!

Best wishes / love / peace / happiness / achievement of your dreams / health / wealth and respect to everyone - from Rik in the greatest appreciation I can possibly give to everyone.

*A toast to you all - I'm having a 'glass' of The High Tree Cabernet Sauvignon, 2002 Vintage (McLaren Vale / Australia) - it's as warming to my heart as each of you are....sweet dreams!

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#53413 - 01/01/05 03:05 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Rik,

What a wonderful tribute and acclamation of life itself. This will touch anyone who reads here, tonight. It has touched me, deeply.

Thank you for reminding me to count my blessings,

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#53414 - 01/01/05 03:13 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Rik, David is right, very touching.

The best for the new year, you are making it happen

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#53415 - 01/01/05 04:08 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
You all make it happen!

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#53416 - 01/01/05 04:15 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
You all make it happen!

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#53417 - 01/01/05 04:28 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
And do you know what - I have just read another post here & I still realise that I am just waiting for someone else to let me down....I don't think it's going to happen now....my fear is unreasonable...the support is without question!

That's me saying that - hell you've all got hope ...believe me.

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#53418 - 01/01/05 05:01 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
Michael Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/04
Posts: 92
Loc: Claremore, Oklahoma
Thanks Rick!

Wonderful comments!

Thanks everyone for the stregth you give to others!

_________________________
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers

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#53419 - 01/01/05 06:20 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
A year of healing......A year of hope.....

\:D

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#53420 - 01/01/05 10:31 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
daniel_ Offline
Member

Registered: 09/07/04
Posts: 41
Loc: Washington, DC
Thank you for that great, positive post!

May 2005 bring to you greater blessings than you can now even imagine.


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#53421 - 01/01/05 11:04 AM Re: A year here - the candle burns brightly
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Wishing you all the best life has to offer Rick. Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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