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#53064 - 07/09/03 05:39 PM Checking in/a question
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
Hey all,

I haven't been overly verbose lately. Sorry about that, sort of a combination of busy/ couldn't muster the energy.

Although I wanted to take a little time off school I'm going back next semester because I was offered a great opportunity as a Graduate Assistant so I figured I should take it. That and finding a job is equivalent to a needle in a haystack right now, but at least at school I'll be doing SOMETHING while I'm searching.

I did have a question for you all. As I've been working on healing sometimes things seem to be getting worse. I had never had flashbacks in the past, but now I have had them twice. They weren't totally unbearable, but very scary. Not only that but I've started having what I think are panic attacks. (my heart starts racing, I feel a huge weight on my chest and I get a little dizzy.) I have no idea why these have occurred, as I was doing things completely mundane each time.

I was just wondering if this is normal or what? I always believed that facing what happened and trying to move through it would make my problems managable, not create worse ones...

Any input would be helpful guys, this is pretty disconcerting.

Thanks

Eric


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#53065 - 07/09/03 05:53 PM Re: Checking in/a question
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Eric,

I had the same kinds of experiences when I got started. I had been running from the pain of the sexual abuse for so long, and when I turned to face it, well, I began to feel it.

I hope it gets better for you soon, but I think that it's a common "worse before better" reaction.

HTH,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#53066 - 07/09/03 06:06 PM Re: Checking in/a question
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
Yep. I identify...

I could go on for pages, but I am feeeling a little weight on the shoulders right now.

Lemme just say you are not alone - digging wil bring up some garbage, which you will eventually be able to throw away.

As hard as it is to believe, it is a sign of progress.

Peace,
James

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#53067 - 07/09/03 06:09 PM Re: Checking in/a question
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5381
Loc: Washington State
Eric,

I have been having flashbacks since I started my healing also. I feel/think that these flash backs are part of healing. I know that it is easier to lock them away and never think about them again but it takes alot out of me to keep them locked up. One part of my healing has been to understand the who,what,where shit of my abuse. I feel that since I have had these flashbacks I understand why I don't like parts of my family. Or why I use to drink and do drugs. It has made me stronger it has helped me keep my self safe and my brothers also.


lots of love, Nathan


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#53068 - 07/09/03 07:41 PM Re: Checking in/a question
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Eric
I have always had accurate emories of my abuse, and I suppose that can also be takes as flashbacks as well.
The memories would suddenly come from nowhere, and I didn't wnat them. Unfortunately I tried to get rid of them by turning them into sex fantasies, I suppose my 'theory' was that if I gave in to them, used them to masturbate to, then my sexual urges would go away - for a while. So much for that theory :rolleyes:

My panic attacks, as far as I can remember, only came on after I started therapy and dealing with the abuse.
They peaked at the time I was dealing with it most intensly, but they're still with me.
I think the panic is me experiencing a new experience, such as a stressful situation where I would have previously retreated into dissassociation. Suddenly I'm experiencing the 'normal' reactions to everyday things, and I don't know what the hell to do !

That's a steep learning curve, It's small wonder I still panic.
But that still doesn't explain the totally unexpected attacks, I think it's the unconcsious mind playing tricks and sowing a seed of not knowing.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#53069 - 07/10/03 03:19 PM Re: Checking in/a question
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
Thanks guys,

It's kind of comforting in an odd sort of way to know that this is reletively normal while healing.

Thank you for responding.

Eric


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