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#52732 - 07/08/03 09:51 AM Jimmy's Fall
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
Jimmy heard a dripping sound as his eyes tried to see what he could; it was total darkness. He knew he'd fallen down somewhere, deep, dark, cold. Afraid to move, he squinted, eyes adjusting to the darkness.

He felt the hard rock underneath his back, he was lying face up, now he could see, far up above a bit of light and some water driping downwards onto him. Cold water. Very cold. He tried to get up but couldn't move. Was he ok? He smelled something, rubbed his eyes again, fingers running over his nose, face. It hurt. His left eye was swollen shut.

How did he get here? Where exactly was he? Then the memories came back and he threw himself onto the rock moaning in pain. Rolling, twisting now onto the wet ground, he suddenly remembered.

Once again his father had come home drunk. Jimmy knew, as any 6 year old boy in this situation would know, exactly what he had to do to survive - he had to stay out of his father's way. Run, hide, do anything, but don't let him see you because then he will hit you and if you're lucky you may get away with just a few punches. If you're not lucky, well....Jimmy's angels know where the line is drawn.

Jimmy didn't realize his father was home already until it was too late. Jimmy was running his Tonka crane down the hallway when he came through the door. He was still wearing his army fatigues and just as Jimmy pushed his crane around the corner, his father's boot came into contact with the boot.

Jimmy knew what was coming. He tried to run. But he couldn't get away, it was too late. He had him. This time, the beating would be in the living room. Jimmy screamed for his mother. She didn't come, she couldn't come, otherwise she'd be a victim as well and she had Jimmy's younger brother and two sisters to watch over.

He's done this before she thought, Jimmy can take it, he'll be alright, he's a strong little boy.

Jimmy's father punched him in his left eye and Jimmy went limp. Jimmy really saw stars this time but now there was no more pain. Jimmy's mind went number, black, cold.

He picked Jimmy up, slung him over his shoulder like a sack of grain. Out the door and down the country road he walked. This time he would finish the job, Jimmy's father thought. As he staggered down the dirt road, almost dropping Jimmy, he started to whistle Dixie. Jimmy always knew when the whistling started it was gonna be bad.

Now Jimmy couldn't hear the whistling, or could he? Jimmy moanded. His father growled something incoherent.

Then he saw the goal in the moonlight. The old well. Dried out long ago, far enough from the road the no-one would hear Jimmy's cries. Jimmy's father stood over the well....then tossed.

He was already whistling Dixie and walking away before Jimmy hit the bottom of the old well. Done, finally, thought Jimmy's father. He'd wanted Jimmy's mother to have an abortion, but she wouldn't. He didn't want the marriage in the first place, but was forced into it by his Christian parents. It was the right thing to do in the eyes of God. It was God's will. He loved another woman, now he was trapped. Jimmy was the reason. Now he had to destroy that which stole his happiness, his freedom, his love.

No-one thought it strange that Jimmy's father never called him by his given name. Not Jim, not Jimmy not anything. The best thing he called Jimmy was BOY.

What was it that night when Jimmy was 3 months old, when he came home drunk, walked past Jimmy's bedroom, walked in, picked up the pillow to cover Jimmy's head. Why hadn't he been able to finish it. It would have been perfect. He felt something in the room. Something that frightened him to his core. As he picked up the pillow, two hands pulled him back and threw him on the floor, covering his face with the pillow. He was now helpless, drunk and being smothered by a pillow in his son's bedroom. The son that he hated with all his soul. Just as he gave up, the pillow loosened a bit, just enough to allow him to breath again.

The next thing Jimmy's father knew, he was in his bed, waking up to a tremendous headache and aching lungs. Was it a dream?

Now Jimmy looked up, feeling pain all over his body, remembering the punch. His face ached, he was cold and hungry.

Every sound that the well made, frightened Jimmy. His face and hands were muddy now from trying to find a way to crawl up. No use. This well was well made, maybe 100 years ago by skilled masons.

The day wore on and all Jimmy had that day and night was some muddy water to drink from the bottom of the well. It tasted good, it was cold. Jimmy felt a lump in his back pocket. He remembered the Kit Kat that he'd saved from last Halloween. His favorite and he'd found it the day before in his dresser drawer. Now it was his only food.

Darkeness fell. Jimmy fell asleep. It no longer mattered that he was afraid. It no longer mattered that he hurt. Jimmy started to give in. He'd already mastered the art of withholding his tears when he was 4 years old. Tears from a boy meant being a fag. Tears on a boy meant being a pussy, a wuss, weak. It only made his father beat him more. So when Jimmy didn't cry during the beatings, they weren't so bad any more. He didn't hit quite as hard any more.

When the beatings were over, Jimmy would retreat to his room, closing the door. He would go directly to his models of the Starship Enterprise. He loved Captain Kirk and Spock. He could retreat in his mind to a world of the USS Enterprise and there he would be a young recruit, top of his class working directly for Scotty in engineering. Admired by the Captain. He flew to distant planets during the long weekends when there was no school. If he got up early enough, he could sneak some tv, maybe Gilligan's Island or the Munster's (reruns).

By the third day, Jimmy was started to get so weak he couldn't even stand any more. The water wasn't enough any more. He knew it was morning, but it didn't matter any more. He knew he was going to die. So he sat himself in the corner where he'd found some dryness the night before, crouched down, then reclined on his side in a fetal position. Holding his arms around his shoulders to give himself as much warmth as he could, he fell asleep once again. Surely this would be the last time. If there was a God, maybe he'd have just a little mercy and take Jimmy.

He awoke suddenly to a strong THUD. Sitting up, trying to see what it was, his heart raced as it has never raced before. Looking over to the opposite stone wall, he made out the shape of another human figure. Jimmy hid his face and eyes in his hands. He didn't move an inch hoping that whatever or whoever had jumped down here wouldn't notice him. Hurt him.

"Jimmy....I'm over here, in the dark. I will hold your hand and be here with your through the cold and terror here, but Jimmy, when the rope falls down here, you must grab it, ok?"

"But how do I know you're not here to hurt me"? asked Jimmy.

"ok, I will back off and we can wait, if you want" said the stranger.

"Please don't leave me" Jimmy said.
"Never said I was gonna leave you" the stranger said.

"Ok, what are you going to do to me then?" asked Jimmy. "I'm going to stay here with you until you are ready to get out of here" said the stranger.

"why would you do that?" asked Jimmy. "Because I love you" said the stranger. "why?" asked Jimmy.

"Look in your hand, what do you see?" asked the stranger.
"a rope, why do I need a rope?" asked Jimmy. "This is your way out, Jimmy" said the stranger.
"but why would anyone want to pull me out of here" said Jimmy. "Sure they do, they threw the rope down, didn't they?" said the stranger. "Then the rope must be fore you!" Said Jimmy. "No, I've been down here before and know my way out. This rope is for you Jimmy, you must take the step and grab the rope. My friends above want to help you, but you must step up and grab the rope" said the stranger.

"But I'm afraid, can you please come with me? I'm afraid I will fall" said Jimmy. "Yes, I will be right behind you."

"No, I need to hold onto your back, I need to come up out of this well on your back because I cannot let them see me up there, I have to hide as soon as I'm up there" said Jimmy.

"Jimmy I am here to help you. I will do whatever you ask. Come, climb onto my back and I will carry you up out of here" said the stranger.

"I don't even know your name" said Jimmy. "I am Ludger and I am here to help you".

"Please don't let me fall, please don't leave me, please..." said Jimmy but before he could finish the sentence, Ludger said..."I will not leave you ever, I will not let you fall ever".

As they reached the top of the well and the sun grew bright, Jimmy hid his face in the small of Ludger's back.

Jimmy didn't want the people around the well to see him, so he hid his face deeply in Ludger's back.

As soon as Ludger had stepped over the edge of the well, Jimmy jumped off, holding his face and ran fast into the forest.

Ludger followed, grabbing a blanket from one of the men around the well. When he'd caught up to Jimmy, he wrapped the blanket around him, covering him completely. Holding him tightly, Jimmy began to feel warm finally. He was hungry now and very very tired.

Ludger said..."look Jimmy....look at the well, on the backs of the people there..do you see it"?

Jimmy peeked out of his blanket, then saw the wings. Tears rolled down his face. "Yes Jimmy, they are angels. Watch them now, they're turning into fireflies and disappearing in their own light."

"Wow", said Jimmy, "are you an angel?"

"No Jimmy, I am just a boy, I am just a little boy who loves you very much." said Ludger.

"why" said Jimmy?

"because you are an angel" said Ludger.

Jimmy thought for a moment underneath his blanket.

"here Jimmy, here is some warm chocolate milk" said Ludger. Jimmy sipped under his blanket, still hiding his face.

"I wish you could see and feel the sun. It is so warm" said Ludger. He reached out toward Jimmy's blanket, hoping his hand would be met by Jimmy's hand.

The blanket opened up a bit and Jimmy's small bruised had streched out into the sun.

Ludger reached out for Jimmy's hand, touched first the fingers, then the whole hand, rubbing, caressing, carefully, knowing that Jimmy would or could pull back at any moment. He rubbed Jimmy's hand gently, warmly. Jimmy wanted to pull back, knowing that any touch with a human must be met with pain. But for some reason he wanted desperately to trust Ludger. So he gave his hand to Ludger.

"Please don't hurt me" asked Jimmy. "I will never hurt you Jimmy, I love you." said Ludger.

Jimmy sees a butterfly land on Ludger's shoulder, it is beautiful. He looses his control for a moment watching the butterfly and lets the blanket fall from his head. He is now exposed.

Ludger looked at Jimmy now for the first time. Dark brown hair, cowlick, a few freckles and a muddy grimy face. Jimmy suddenly realizes that he's now exposed to Ludger....he lowers his head and starts to weep. This time, he weeps because he can. Is it ok? He is not sure and now his stomach hurts. Jimmy's tears now start to stream off his face and Ludger leans over and kisses his cheeks gently, wiping the tears from his face.

"If you trust me Jimmy, and if you are comfortable with it, you can come over here and sit in my arms, let me hold you and take your pain and lonliness away. Please Jimmy trust me".

Jimmy feels his head spin, he's now nauseas and weak. So much pain and suffering these last three days, and no food finally take it's toll on Jimmy.

Ludger wraps the blanket around Jimmy, holding him, caressing him, wiping the tears from Jimmy's face.

Jimmy sleeps. Ludger holds him and looks toward the well. He sees the fireflies around it, buzzing, sometimes diving into the well then coming up like kamakazzee pilots with no regard to where they are flyng.

Then they fly away and the only sound that Ludger hears is the crickets, an owl in the distance and Jimmy's breathing.

Jimmy curls up into Ludger's arms and begs..."please don't leave me".

Ludger watches as Jimmy falls......asleep.


"I will never leave you Jimmy".


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#52733 - 07/08/03 10:10 AM Re: Jimmy's Fall
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Jim,

Gripping, powerful!

This story is no less than a corollary of our world at MS.

You are a fantasic story teller! You told it perfectly.

Immensely satisfying. Keep 'em coming.

Ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#52734 - 07/08/03 11:41 AM Re: Jimmy's Fall
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5381
Loc: Washington State
Jim,

This was a very powerful piece of writing. You have moved me to tears of hope and joy.

Powerful Jim is the best word that I can use for this writing. Thank you for sharing.


Lots of love, Nathan


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#52735 - 07/08/03 12:00 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
that was Chapter 1. If interested, I will continue with this.


Jim


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#52736 - 07/08/03 12:56 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
uncertain Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 22
Beautiful story, Jim. Thank you for sharing it.


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#52737 - 07/08/03 01:06 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5381
Loc: Washington State
Jim,

Please do go on my brother I enjoy your writing.


lots of love, Nathan


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#52738 - 07/08/03 05:41 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
That was very hard to read. Thanks for the ending that is yet not complete. I hope no child ever has that kind of experience--but we know that they do.

Yes, keep writting.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#52739 - 07/08/03 07:12 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Jimmy,

Oh, my.................oh myyyyyyyyyyyy

And you wonder why I asked you to call me.

If I don't see you in Minneapolis.........

I mean, if I don't see you in Minneapolis........

Well, if I don't, I'm coming down to get you...
and I may bring some of the boys........

Now, watch some of the soft, loving guys like Bob and Ron and Nathan and Uncertain start lecturing me about, "honey being more attractive than vineger."

One, great, piece of writing--You hear me!!

D
A
V
I
D

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#52740 - 07/08/03 07:19 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Jim
you have a talent with words, you put the emotion deep inside them.

I look forward to reading more, that's very powerful writing.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#52741 - 07/08/03 07:34 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
ditto on the do continue.


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#52742 - 07/11/03 09:27 AM Re: Jimmy's Fall
ernie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Portland, Maine
Thank you
Bob

_________________________
The roads of life are full of stones but, they can be moved take my hand we will help each other.

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#52743 - 07/11/03 10:24 AM Re: Jimmy's Fall
confused_n_alone Offline
Member

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 31
Loc: Ottawa Ontario Canada
Powerful,,

I wanted to stop reading so very badly but i was drawn to the finish
you have a powerful voice and a gift with word..

Please continue with this

there is so many ways you can percieve what you are saying and for me at least it is hope for that light when i can't see one right now

Jason

_________________________
A Jouney starts with one step
A Trip starts With Friends

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#52744 - 07/11/03 05:34 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
I appreciate all the encouragement from everyone and all the kind private messages that people have sent.

I will continue the story as soon as I can get Jimmy to come out of his hiding place. Reality is that I wrote this story after Jimmy came our from hiding just this past week with the help of a great friend in this MS.ORG group.

Please be aware that not everything in this 'story' is true (I think), however many parts are.

Maybe that inner child stuff is not all crap?

You guys really make me feel good, and I appreciate that immensely. You are all my brothers.

Jim


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#52745 - 07/27/03 08:45 AM Re: Jimmy's Fall
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
Chapter 2 -


Was this all a dream? Jimmy's mind raced as he slept. His body could feel the warmth and protection enveloped around him, yet he doubted it was real. He must still be down in the well, he was dying, surely and now his mind was spinning in anticipation of it's demise. Surely being pulled out of the well by angels who then turned into fireflies was a dream. Surely the comfort of Ludger was not real.

His minded kicked him awake, he heard a cricket off to his left. He felt Ludger hunched over him, breathing slowly, asleep? Jimmy moved slightly and Ludger sat up. Jimmy looked up and could see his face in the moonlight. His hair came down in his face slightly, Jimmy asked "are you an angel"? "No Jimmy, I am only an Earth-Angel." "What is the difference?"

"Earth-Angels cannot fly and cannot turn themselves into fireflies, Earth-Angels also cannot see tomorrow, they only see right now." Ludger whispered.

"Can you become a real Angel then?" asked Jimmy curiously. "I don't know.... Perhaps you and I can figure it out" answered Ludger.

"You saved me from that scary well and you are protecting me from bad people, I will pray to God that he will make you an Angel with giant wings made of Gold, wings that will make you fly to the moon if you want, or to Mars or even to the bottom of the ocean.....I will pray that you can fly wherever you want with real angel wings. even to Disneyworld to see Mickey. I would really like to see Mickey. Is Mickey real, Ludger? Is he an angel?" asked Jimmy. "We shall see Jimmy, we shall see....sleep now" Ludger caressed Jimmy's face, Jimmy felt at once content and peace, his eyes closing without caution. This time Jimmy slept, without dreams, without nightmares, just pure innocent sleep.

When the sun was warming Jimmy's face, he felt a fly buzzing around his nose, irritating him. He tried to brush it away, waving his hand in the air then without realizing where he was swinging, swung wildly and back-handed Ludger's cheek, startling him away. "Hey, what's that for?" yelled Ludger. "Sorry, I didn't realize ...I didn't mean, I mean...I'm sorry, I was trying to get rid of a fly" Jimmy said as he crouched instinctively into a fetal position, anticipating now that Ludger would punish him.

Jimmy knew that he had ruined it, now his friend would,….no he HAD to hit him, he HAD to punish him for being bad. He started to shake wildly ready for the strike that had to come from Ludger.

Instead Ludger saw that Jimmy was reacting only in the way that he knew; Ludger leaned over and grabbed Jimmy in his arms and held him close and tight. "Jimmy, it's ok, it's ok, really, I know you didn't mean to hit me, I'm not going to hurt you" said Ludger.

"Believe me Jimmy, I will not hurt you ever; do you trust me?" said Ludger. "Yyyyyyeeaaah, I think I do" Jimmy said pensively.


Running into the classroom, Jimmy knew it was going to be a fun day. After all, today was the class Christmas party. His 1st teacher, Mrs. Anderson, arranged it all. She had mixed up all the names of the students and then assigned each child a name and sent the name home with a letter to parents asking the parents to purchase something small, nothing more than a dollar or two, and allow the child to wrap for the others. Jimmy’s mom bought a small stuffed Muppets character, seen recently on the Ed Sullivan Show, she knew the kids would find cute.

He ran in and placed his gift underneath the tree that was in the front corner of the classroom. All of the kids were wild with anticipation. They said the pledge of allegiance then listed as Mrs. Anderson told them what they’d be doing today. Mostly it was about the Christmas party, with the great cupcakes that Mrs. Anderson baked the night before, and the gifts. Yes the gifts….they could hardly wait. They knew that they had a spelling lesson to get through first, then it was time for recess and finally after the mid morning recess, the party they’d been waiting weeks for. Outside, it was cold, mid December in central Germany can be cold. Out here in the far suburbs of Mainz, the US Army had place the elementary school, only reasonably reached by bus. All of the kids had to be bussed from the housing area. Only the older kids were able to walk to the local school. Junior and High School were local. Elementary was at least 10 km away.

On Jimmy’s first day (a few months ago), he had to ride the bus alone and was terrified. He had started mid part into the fall session of 1st grade, late October. He was used to this by now, but it still hurt to leave the familiarity of his old school. He had gone to kindergarten then started 1st grade in one school. Then his father, a soldier in the US Army, was transferred to Mainz, Germany. That first day, it was very cloudy and cold. His mom brought him to the junior high school where the elementary bus picked up the kids for their school, somewhere far away. She had told him what his teacher’s name was and put a tag on his jacket so that the teachers would look for him when he arrived at the new school. Then they could show him where to go. He’d never been there before.

Jimmy got on the bus with the other kids and sat as far back as he could, making sure he was alone. Good, he thought, no-one seemed to notice. He stared out the window, watching every car that went by. Counting the houses. He knew he would have to talk to his new teacher, but he didn’t know who she was. What was her name? Suddenly he couldn’t remember. I started to sweat. Now, if he didn’t know her name, how would he figure out where to go? How could he ask? His feet began to tingle. They always did that. It felt like they were turning under, like a leaf does when it starts to die of thirst. Then the palms of his hands began to tingle. Ok, gotta figure out what to do, Jimmy thought. But he couldn’t. He was so distraught at not remembering his teacher’s name that everything else was blank. He knew he was lost. And as soon as the bus arrived, all the kids would know where they were going, except for him. What would he do?

The big green bus pulled up to the school. It was in typical German fashion. Yellow stucco with tiled roof. Looked to Jimmy like any of the other buildings on the military post.

All of the kids scurried out the bus, Jimmy sat there for a second, then knew he had to get out. As he walked toward the door of the bus, he began to feel weak, then his eyes welled up. He knew he couldn’t control it any more. That feeling of helplessness was now completely in control and he was loosing it fast. As he stepped onto the sidewalk and looked to the school, he saw all the kids running inside…doors opened by some teachers. Maybe one of them was his?

Jimmy wanted so badly to be back in his old school. At least there he’d know where to go. He’d know his teacher. He’d know the kids he played with on the play ground. Here he was completely lost. He had to be a big boy. Just like mommy said. She knew he was a big boy and could handle it. But Jimmy couldn’t. He stood there. He began to cry.

The bus pulled away. Jimmy stood there alone. After a while, a woman wearing funny glasses walked up and asked who his teacher was. “I don’t remember” Jimmy whispered. “What’s your name?” asked the woman. “Jim”. “Okay, Jim, let’s go see if we can figure out where you should be, you must be new here, right?” asked the woman. “Yeah”.

After looking Jimmy up in the main office and figuring out he should be in Mrs. Anderson’s class, she walked Jimmy up the stairs to his new classroom. As the door opened, Jimmy wiped the last evidence of tears away from his cheeks. Mrs. Anderson stopped what she was saying mid sentence and asked Jimmy to come in and introduce himself to the class. Jimmy didn’t understand her and lowered his eyes. He had to stop it, NOW, he could cry again. Not in front of all the other kids. No one had ever asked him to talk in front of everyone like this before. Jimmy spoke softly. She told Jimmy it was nice having him in the class and made everyone say out loud “Welcome Jim”. Then she went back to her discussion about spelling words that began with “sh”.

Jimmy looked around. There were maybe 15 other kids in his class; his desk was near the back. Good spot he thought. So long as the other kids don’t notice him, he would be ok.

During recess, Jimmy did his favorite thing, even though it was bitingly cold. He climbed the big old tree and sat there looking down at the kids playing. He didn’t like playing with the others. He knew he wasn’t good enough. He couldn’t run fast enough for tag. He couldn’t play kick ball because he couldn’t even kick the ball. Anything Jimmy seemed to do, the other kids ridiculed. So he just didn’t do any of it. That way he wouldn’t be noticed. He’d sit in the tree and look over the fenced in playground to the edge of the trees and watch below as sometimes a train would go by. In the mid 1960’s coal fired trains were still the norm in Germany. Jimmy liked to watch them, thinking how powerful they were belching all that smoke and steam. And the noise. Where as the train going? Maybe up north to Hamburg. He dreamed of running and jumping onto the last car and riding all the way to Hamburg. Maybe the conductor’d catch him. If so, maybe he’d like Jimmy, maybe he’d give him some warm chocolate on the train. Tell him about working on the railroad. Maybe he’d. like Jimmy. Maybe he’d hug Jimmy and tell him he was ok. Tell Jimmy he wasn’t a shithead.

Suddenly the recess bell rang. Now it was time for the Christmas party. All the kids were excited about the party and yes of course the special surprise of the gifts. They only cared about what present they’d get. They wondered. That anticipation gleam was in their eyes and Mrs. Anderson saw it and loved it. This was what Christmas was all about.

The children all ran to their desks, hoping that Mrs. Anderson would say it is time. Not a sound was made. She knew the intense effect that this was having on the kids. She asked them to come up front and gather around the tree. She explained the meaning behind the giving, of course no-one listened very much. She knew it was a lost cause. So she began to hand out the presents. It would be perfect. Every child would be given another’s name, everyone would bring in a small present and everyone would be happy that it is Christmas. Mrs. Anderson handed out the gifts one by one. One by one. Mark, Alicia, Susannah, Thomas, John,…..all 15 of the children in her class. Jimmy sat near the back and as each name was read off, he said, ok, my name will be next. My name will be next.

Finally there was one gift left under the tree. Jimmy anticipated that his name would be on it. He was last. Mrs. Anderson reached for it. Then she read the name.

“Mrs. Anderson…awww for me!”. She smiled as she looked at the class. She knew that some child’s mother had thought enough to send an extra gift for her as well. She opened it, it was a box of white powder for ladies. She smiled and said she loved it.

All of the children played with their new toys, Mrs. Anderson tried to regain control of the class by asking them to pick up their trash and go back to their desks so that they could get some cookies and Kool Aid.

As Jimmy walked out of the class to catch the bus, he reached down and silently dropped his cookies into the trash. He’d already returned the Kool Aid. He looked back at Mrs. Anderson. She noticed him and smiled…wished him Merry Christmas. They wouldn’t be back for almost 3 weeks.

The bus pulled away. In 30 minutes he’d be back at the Junior High, walking back home. He looked out the window of the bus. The kids were all hyper about both the gifts they’d received and the fact that Christmas vacation was in full swing. Jimmy watched the snow begin to fall.

:p He wanted to be a snowflake. Then he could fall, settle on the ground and finally melt after some time

And no one would notice.


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#52746 - 07/27/03 11:54 AM Re: Jimmy's Fall
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Jim,

Thank you for sharing this. I wish I had a gift that Christmas for little Jimmy. May the blessings of Christmas envelope him forever.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#52747 - 07/27/03 01:19 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Jim, you have a terrific talent for writting. I could see Jimmy, and feel something of what he must have felt. You see, there was a Bobby who had a life much like a lot like Jimmies.

All children are so precious. Jimmy was especially precious. And Jim still is. What I used to ridicule as the "inner child crap" has become more real and important for me. You have just made it crystal clear that we need to understand, that the Jimmy, who is so easy to love, and who makes us want to pick him up, and tell him how beautiful he is, how wonderful he is, what joy he gives us--can be loved, treasured, honored, and scooped up in our caring, protective arms.

Jim, your story is astonishingly beautiful and moving. What a gift you have given us. Give yourself a gift Jim, even a little gift, and I hope that Jimmy in you will be thrilled to have it.

Thanks, thanks, thanks for sharing your gift with us.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#52748 - 07/27/03 01:30 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Jim the first one was really good, and I had to take a break. So I will read the second one in a few days. I am feeling overwhelmed at the moment.

mj

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#52749 - 07/27/03 01:36 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Jim it is a very emotional post for me my brother. Glad to see that you are healing.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#52750 - 07/27/03 03:39 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Jim,

In a good way you've brought back memories of my boyhood. Some of them hurt, some are bittersweet.

In response I've written a piece of my own truth. It can be found clicking this link.

Jim, I have nothing to give you in return for the precious understanding your writing shows for the little boys in me (dare I say all of us?).

jer


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#52751 - 07/27/03 10:09 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Jim,

Oh, my, little Jimmy strikes again, right into our hearts.........you've got us now.

Beautiful, Jim, just beautiful.

Brother David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#52752 - 07/28/03 09:08 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Jim
you have a wonderful way with words, so much feeling.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#52753 - 07/28/03 11:13 PM Re: Jimmy's Fall
martin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 229
Loc: The Good Earth
Thanks Jim, a very moving story.

May Jimmy have many Merry Christmas's to come.

_________________________
Its times like these we learn to live again,
Its times like these we give & give again,
Its times like these we learn to love again,
Its times like these time & time again.
-The Foo Fighters

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