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#52632 - 05/31/05 01:14 PM What I'm not, feelings
Charlie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 148
Not strong.
Not happy.
Not grown.

Not together.
Not okay.
Not tough.

Not healthy.
Not bright.
Not nice.

Not normal.
Not brave.
Not whole.

Not ready.
Not hungry.
Not clean.

Not lucky.
Not important.
Not believed.

Not heard.
Not seen.
Not me.


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#52633 - 05/31/05 01:21 PM Re: What I'm not, feelings
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Hey Charlie, you are ALL of those things and more.
Dont beat yourself down, we all like you here because we see you as you are.

Bright, intelligent, strong, funny, and many other things make you who you are, keep on in, cos your big bro Kev wants you to be strong together.

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#52634 - 05/31/05 03:52 PM Re: What I'm not, feelings
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Hi Charlie,

I was your age when the abuse I was suffering stopped. I felt absolutely worthless and unloveable, and it was terrible. Looking back, I now know that what was happening was that I wasn't getting any of the answers I wanted and deserved. The burden just became heavier and heavier and I began to take it out on myself. I hated being me, I hated being a boy and I dreaded every new day. I finally coped by convincing myself that nothing had happened, which means that at the age of 56 I am still trying to cope.

I know how terrible all this must feel, but please believe me when I say this isn't how it remains. You will get better, it won't be awful like this in your future. But yes, at the age of 14 it sure doesn't look like that now.

You have many friends here Charlie. Let them help you.

Hang on,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#52635 - 05/31/05 09:51 PM Re: What I'm not, feelings
Beyond Abuse Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/23/05
Posts: 51
You're not alone Charlie. I can't put enough emphasis on saying that. I feel you, I hear you and I understand you.

_________________________
... I still haven't survived ...

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#52636 - 05/31/05 10:00 PM Re: What I'm not, feelings
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Charlie, So far, I have had nothing to say that I thought would be helpful to you, but have appreciated the insights the others here have given you. I do want you to know, however, that I care about what has happened to you and about your recovery and that I find your poetry incredible and your maturity astounding. You are an inspiration to me as you face this thing we all share head on. Thank you for that. Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#52637 - 06/01/05 08:22 PM Re: What I'm not, feelings
DannyT Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 402
Hi Charlie,

Here's a poem for your poem:

lime green leaves
a tree on the river
alive.
not important
but special to me.

sun in leaves gleams
razzle dazzle light
like gems
so bright
far brighter than me.

branches sway in the wind
dancing and waving
like arms
so strong
far stronger than me.

tree roots in water
a river flowing by
not sighing
like me,
but surging.

Danny


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#52638 - 06/02/05 08:52 PM Re: What I'm not, feelings
Little_E Offline
Member & Volunteer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 11/14/02
Posts: 169
Loc: London UK
hay dude!

Feelings suck, we all know that. I think all them points relate to everyone, at least once a day.

But little dude, you are seen, and your voice is heard, you are improtant and very lucky, AND you are brave... we all are, just to get up each day and not let yesterday hurt us today! Even if we know that tomorow it will try again!

Keep playing bro!
Catch you on the flip side!

Elliot!

_________________________
If your not livin on the edge your taking up to much space!

DISTUBED VISIONS OF AN UNDERWORLD!!

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#52639 - 06/03/05 06:16 PM Re: What I'm not, feelings
Charlie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 148
Quote:
I feel you, I hear you and I understand you.
Those words mean a lot to me. I'm trying to change my "bad thinking" but it's hard. Danny, I really like the poem. I printed it and put it where I can see it. Thanks for all your comments, guys. I'm feeling better today.


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#52640 - 06/04/05 06:41 AM Re: What I'm not, feelings
Dewey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/13/02
Posts: 137
Loc: the sunshine state
He came from a distant place,
he had a gift and a wound.

he spent his time
in the city,
singing for the people.

They said he had magic
in his voice.

he liked to sing for the people,
to see their faces change.

but still he longed to go home
where the Giver of gifts was.

The Giver longed more still for him,
to be near, give more gifts,
and heal his wound.

Dewey

_________________________
I refuse to use my past as an excuse to not have a future.
My hero Dad; Trigger warning- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi3Hyxuf5AE

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#52641 - 06/04/05 12:33 PM Re: What I'm not, feelings
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Charlie, I suppose a lot of us went through similar stuff to what you feel today.
None of us want you to have to feel that way, and al of us care, and we are touched by these very things that we cannot change.

We would if we could, but we sure care,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top


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