Newest Members
JACKL, Personman, SiegmundNYC, TheGreatWhat, MyNameIsPaul
12488 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Alpha (49), AYounglove10 (23), joanne (27), justme62 (52), pontifixmax (44), royjay (46), Steve S. (48)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 15 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12488 Members
74 Forums
64153 Topics
447637 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#52438 - 03/11/03 01:00 PM Frustrated with my T's
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
I just looked back through my old posts to see when I first started thinking about Trying EMDR. It was back in early November. Well, it is mid March and I still haven't had my first EMDR session.

Yesterday I was supposed to have another session with both my regular T and the my EMDR T. This would have been the 5th meeting that the three of us would have had together. But, again I did not have an EMDR session.

My EMDR T had to go cancel because he had another patient down at the jail that he needed to talk to. I did see my regular T.

This is the 5th time I have been set up for EMDR and for one reason or another it has been canceled. When my regular T is sick, the EMDR T will not see me alone. A few weeks ago another T in the clinic was sick so they had to handle his cases .... so again I was canceled.

I am starting to think about just looking for another regular T and also a new EMDR T.

Right now I am paying for all of my therapy out of pocket. I have yet another new insurance company to deal with and they aren't paying .... and when they do it will only be $30.00/visit.

I also know that starting over with a new T will take 6 months to establish a "connection" and even then it might not be a "good fit"

Any suggestions?

John



_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

Top
#52439 - 03/11/03 01:15 PM Re: Frustrated with my T's
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Chey-Wy: What a crock of shit for you. Have you told your T about the frustration you have for being shunted off regularly. I dont think that it is intentional on their part. But I know in your position I would just sulk and say nothing cause it would confirm what I am. Call you T and tell him how you feel about it. I mean he is there to help and you yourself say that it would tak 6 months to establish a rapport with a new one. Hope this helps

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

Top
#52440 - 03/11/03 10:38 PM Re: Frustrated with my T's
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
This has got to be pretty frustrating. Five sessions scheduled and no EMDR? I can understand a client having cold feet or a scheduled EMDR getting cancelled due to some kind of emergency, but 5 scheduled sessions cancelled? I don't know, but I agree with Mike that it would be useful to express your frustrations. Unless there are some signals the therapists are picking up that perhaps you are either not ready or are too anxious to do the EMDR....

I know that there are times that I am a little reluctant to do an EMDR because the client is perhaps not ready or I'm having a gut feeling that the EMDR might be really complicated or may not be the best way to proceed. However, it is my responsibility to point this out and talk about it with the client. If this is something the therapists are having problems with, they should talk it over with you.

Anyway, just my opinion.
Ken


Top
#52441 - 03/12/03 03:35 AM Re: Frustrated with my T's
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
Quote:
I know that there are times that I am a little reluctant to do an EMDR because the client is perhaps not ready or I'm having a gut feeling that the EMDR might be really complicated or may not be the best way to proceed. However, it is my responsibility to point this out and talk about it with the client. If this is something the therapists are having problems with, they should talk it over with you.
I am wondering if maybe the second thing that you said Ken is part of it. With three perps there are three different issues that we are dealing with. I know that before I saw the EMDR T my regular T tried to get me prepared for the EMDR. He asked me to try to think of a safe place. I told him that I didn't know if I had one.

Last time I saw both T's they wanted me to picture the person that I want to become. Again, there are things that I like about other people but I guess I don't have a clear immage of the person I want to become. With three perps I have a very poor self immage of myself. I know what I don't like about myself and the way that others treat me.

Actulaly, I may have just hit on something. I remembered me before the S A's. I liked myself then. I was tall, good looking, could sell anybody anything, and had good self confidence. Maybe I just want to go back to who I was before the S A's.

Thanks friends,

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

Top
#52442 - 03/12/03 09:49 AM Re: Frustrated with my T's
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
As a clarification.... EMDR training is given only to master's level therapists and above. So, the EMDR T should be qualified to understand your issues and do therapy with the EMDR. In other words, EMDR is not a "technical fix" where the EMDR T is only skilled in doing the technique and doesn't know or understand the clinical issues. EMDR is primarily used for trauma work and a very high percentage of EMDR clients have sexual and/or physical abuse histories.

I don't know why you are being double teamed. It may have to do with the EMDR T's lack of experience or comfort with male survivor issues. It may also be that your situation is more complicated perhaps due to dissociation on your part, for example (I don't know if you have a dissociative [formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder] identity disorder) which can make things more difficult.

The point of having a safe place, and your inability to feel safe when overwhelmed with feelings or memories, may also be a factor. In any event, I think a heart-to-heart talk with your primary therapist as to why he is doing this approach is in order.

Ken


Top
#52443 - 03/12/03 12:39 PM Re: Frustrated with my T's
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
John,

What Ken and Mike say makes a lot of sense.

Sure it could take up to six months to build up a relationship with a new T. But how long is it taking to even have your EMDR started?

Ask your T if he has questions about you being ready for EMDR yet. Share with him your frustrations at feeling put off, intentionally or not; surely as a T working with survivors he would understand this.

If you "Can't Get No Satisfaction" from him/them,
and you decide to get another T, if possible try to get one, who can work with you on EMDR as well as "general therapy." As Ken says T's who do EMDR should by definition it seems be able to work well with you as a SA survivor. Also one T instead of 2 would be cheaper I guess.

Take care brother

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#52444 - 03/12/03 07:20 PM Re: Frustrated with my T's
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
Update,

I just called my Regular T and asked him how long having to meet with both he and the EMDR T would continue. He said that he thought that the session that is coming up next week would be the last "joint meeting". I told him that I was getting frustrated because it seemed that whenever someone got sick I got canceled. I didn't say it but I also flet that having to go to the jail was a lame excuse. The person in jail wasn't going anywhere.

I am going to bring it up again durring the EMDR session that I am wondering why it is taking so long to get things set up. I just hope that I will have had at least one EMDR session before the retreat.

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

Top
#52445 - 03/12/03 10:02 PM Re: Frustrated with my T's
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Wow, I can't believe what you have been put through. ONe of the things a survivor needs is trust and it sounds like they have done nothing to build up trust, just find ways to bill you. That may be a little harsh but I would be frustrated as well. I think it is time for them to "show you the money" and start putting their money where their mouth is so to speak.

Finding a new therapist can be a good thing but I know from experience it is scary and not easy.

I think I would be tempted to ask the therapist what they are trying to accomplish by double teaming you, what they feel they have accomplished and what they are going to do to remedy the situation of canceling appointments.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

Top
#52446 - 03/13/03 01:23 AM Re: Frustrated with my T's
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
IMHO...this sounds so unprofessional...if i cancelled appointments with my clients without a good reason, five times...?? ( i am a mortgage banker...) would i have any clients left?

(((((CHEY))))))


Orodo

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

Top
#52447 - 03/16/03 02:17 AM Re: Frustrated with my T's
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
Ken/Ksinger,

Thanks for your input. Actually, I think that something happened the other day that I had not realized until yesterday when I was talking to Orodo. It was something you said and something that happenened while we were talking. A lightbulb went on.

Durring my last T session My EMDR T said that he met someone that he really liked. Someone that showed love and concern for my mother. I told him I hadn't really seen it. I think what happened was what really happened when I talked to Orodo yesterday. Little Johnny came out.

I didn't realize that I dissociate. But little Johnny has not talked in years. Thanks, Little Johnny is going to be allowed to talk to The T's next week. He has a lot that has been bottled up.

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

Top
#52448 - 03/16/03 03:39 PM Re: Frustrated with my T's
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
(((((((LIttle JohnnY)))))))))

I love you my brother Chey, you rock.

Peace

Orodo

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

Top
#52449 - 03/19/03 10:20 PM Re: Frustrated with my T's
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Hi John:

If the issue is dissociation, I've got to admit that it's not my area of expertise. We may have a resource around here. Mr. Don, the male issues editor for VOICES, may be familiar or be able to get some input from the dissociation editor there, Jan (can't recall her last name). Maybe she could give you (and others interested in dissociation) some info about dissociation.

Mr. Don, if you're reading this, perhaps a guest posting on the MS website might be helpful and do a little bridging/sharing between our organizations? If she's willing to do an article for us, perhaps we can do something for VOICES in the future.

Always interested in networking to help share info, because knowledge is power (and healing is about empowerment).

Ken


Top
#52450 - 03/19/03 10:42 PM Re: Frustrated with my T's
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
update

Today I was scheduled to meet with both T's again. Well Mother nature had other plans. We are 100 miles north of Denver. The town is shut down. I have a drift even with the bed of my pickup in the driveway. I did get it out and after getting stuck 6 times made it over to my mothers. She has a 6' drift across her driveway.

I will have to call and reschedule when the "town opens back up"
I don't know if you have seen the news/weather ... but this has been quite a storm.

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

Top
#52451 - 03/20/03 10:42 AM Re: Frustrated with my T's
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Chey-Wy
These things are beyond our control. It is still a beautiful part of North American and we learn that Mother Nature has a big say in things. Do a lot of shovelling and feel good about it.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

Top
#52452 - 03/20/03 04:18 PM Re: Frustrated with my T's
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
John, I'm sorry about you again not being able to connect with your T's. But as Mike says it is totally beyond your control & theirs. Keep at it friend; you're a survivor.

LYLAB

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.