A few days ago my oldest daughter was in an accident very similar to the one I was in recently. It appears she was a bit sore & shaken both physically & emotionally, but nothng worse, thank God.
Still I have been very worried & hurting for her.
I know from experience how accidents that happened years ago that at the time didn't seem very damaging at all can really come back & bite you--bigtime.
Along with this, I have especially since her accident been recently experiencing retraumatization.
Been having trouble sleeping at night more than usual. Night before last I barely slept at all. Spent the night having nightmares or flashbacks not sure if I was asleep or awake. Kept having accidents, and getting sexually abused, over & over & over again. Especially my most recent accident, and the flashbacks of SA by my father that it triggered. Last night thank God was somewhat better.
So now my chronic pain, numbing, nauseau, etc., already worse since the accident, has flared up again. To the point that I've had some migraines again, which hadn't happened in a couple of years.
In particular, I've had a flareup very specifically of the pains, physically & emotionally for that matter, like the ones I had right after the recent car crash.
Since the accident, working on my recovery, both physically & emotionally, had already been rendered much more difficult. These last several days it has been much more so.
It's relatively easy for my mind to say "I need to do my physical therapy exercises or take a walk it'll help me recover. But then my body screams back in pain with different ideas, like "Leave me alone I'm hurting here!"
It's one thing for my body to try to say "OK I need to meditate or do some good reading to help my recovery. Until my mind cries out in agony "Stop it I can't deal with this stuff anymore it's just too painful!"
Ideally I'm a single integrated human being I know. But in this less-than-ideal world I feel like my body & my spirit are arguing & fighting with one another and I'm dis-integrating.
It's easy to say things like "This too will pass." Well, so does gas. And while that might bring me some temporary relief it doesn't really deal with the real problems. Furthermore it stinks!
Too bad I can't just play Marvin the Martian (Looney Tunes) and when I'm being dis-integrated,
just pop into a re-integration booth and zap I'm whole again...